yorks5stringer Posted December 15, 2014 Author Share Posted December 15, 2014 As private tenants are starting to move into London's highest building, The Shard, news is emerging of a strange phenomenon. Clarissa Belgravia-Knightsbridge who lives in Penthouse 41 on level 42 explains, " Yah, the guy next door, in No 42 makes yah, very odd noises. There's this droning noise followed by, well, yah, it sounds like one of those deep guitar things having it's strings being pulled off it, yah, makes frightful din, yah. Otherwise he's a nice chap, think he's the King of the Isle of Wight, wherever that is, yah?" A spokeswoman for ISIS Lettings said, "We have been made aware of strange noises in one of our tenants penthouses and we are not ruling out pipework "hammering". All tenants have been issued with noise-cancelling earphones as a precaution." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ras52 Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 [quote name='yorks5stringer' timestamp='1418658144' post='2632043'] As private tenants are starting to move into London's highest building, The Shard, news is emerging of a strange phenomenon. Clarissa Belgravia-Knightsbridge who lives in Penthouse 41 on level 42 explains, " Yah, the guy next door, in No 42 makes yah, very odd noises. There's this droning noise followed by, well, yah, it sounds like one of those deep guitar things having it's strings being pulled off it, yah, makes frightful din, yah. Otherwise he's a nice chap, think he's the King of the Isle of Wight, wherever that is, yah?" A spokeswoman for ISIS Lettings said, "We have been made aware of strange noises in one of our tenants penthouses and we are not ruling out pipework "hammering". All tenants have been issued with noise-cancelling earphones as a precaution." [/quote] However not everyone minds... another Shard occupant who wished to be remain anonymous - so we'll refer to them as "Shard A" - was insisting that her love was King. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yorks5stringer Posted December 15, 2014 Author Share Posted December 15, 2014 [quote name='ras52' timestamp='1418662287' post='2632088'] However not everyone minds... another Shard occupant who wished to be remain anonymous - so we'll refer to them as "Shard A" - was insisting that her love was King. [/quote] You're a smooth operator... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yorks5stringer Posted December 15, 2014 Author Share Posted December 15, 2014 (edited) Matt Bellamy bought himself a new pad in London and rang his Mum up to tell her about it. She said, "Great Matt, what type of house is it?". Matt paused, "I'm not sure what they call it but its like a row of stables, usually with carriage houses below and living quarters above, built around a paved yard or court, or along a street, behind large city houses, such as those of London, during the 17th and 18th centuries." Edited December 16, 2014 by yorks5stringer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Adams Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 As Queen Victoria stated: We are not a Muse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yorks5stringer Posted December 16, 2014 Author Share Posted December 16, 2014 The reformed Country Band "Asleep at the Wheel" now employ private hire drivers to get to gigs after a tragic accident wiped out 3 of the band and a number of customers at a roadside diner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yorks5stringer Posted December 16, 2014 Author Share Posted December 16, 2014 60's icons The Shadows could never understand why their sets seemed to go on longer when they played in the afternoon yet evening gigs were always precise. Guitarist Hank Marvin is currently battling a debilitating stomach condition. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yorks5stringer Posted December 16, 2014 Author Share Posted December 16, 2014 Paradoxically, "Bat Out of Hell Singer and Actor" Meatloaf regards himself as a bit of a gourmet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yorks5stringer Posted December 16, 2014 Author Share Posted December 16, 2014 In shock news, "Mysterious Girl" Singer Peter Andre has stepped down from the Iceland Christmas Ad campaign. Speaking exclusively to Basschat, Andre confided" It's bad enough me, a No1 in New Zealand, No 8 in Australia and No 2 in UK Star has to walk around Iceland with a trolley smiling at random shoppers whilst pretending to buy a 3 Bird Roast, now they want me to endorse their new "5 a Day" range. Iceland decided following the success of the 3 Bird Roast, they'd do the same for fruit and vegetables: so a cauliflower, is stuffed with a cabbage, then an onion, a sprout and then a pea, and on the fruit front its a grapefruit, stuffed with an orange, a lemon, a lime and a grape. They look like 'effin phalluses, no-one is going to want to eat them! So I'm off, there must be a vacancy on the Bisto ad by now?" William Hill have confirmed that Bjork is now a strong front-runner for the gig. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ras52 Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 (edited) [quote name='yorks5stringer' timestamp='1418726008' post='2632639'] Paradoxically, "Bat Out of Hell Singer and Actor" Meatloaf regards himself as a bit of a gourmet. [/quote] Mr Loaf drew inspiration for his magnum opus from footballer Demba Ba, who, in the days before he earned Premier-League wages, used to sell tickets at inflated prices at venues around the Humber estuary. These activities earned him the nickname of Ba, tout of Hull. Edited December 16, 2014 by ras52 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diablo Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 Up and coming band Blackberry Smoke were originally called Blackberry Fire. However trading standards took issue as it is false to claim a blackberry will burn. A compromise was reached out-of-court when it was agreed that a blackberry will smoke when heated, but not burn. Hence Blackberry Smoke was coined. I personally prefer the name Cranberry Smoulder. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yorks5stringer Posted December 16, 2014 Author Share Posted December 16, 2014 [quote name='ras52' timestamp='1418737311' post='2632807'] Mr Loaf drew inspiration for his magnum opus from footballer Demba Ba, who, in the days before he earned Premier-League wages, used to sell tickets at inflated prices at venues around the Humber estuary. These activities earned him the nickname of Ba, tout of Hull. [/quote] Ah yes, Demba Bah, the player Honest Arry managed to tell the world had a get out clause of £7m...Demba spent many of his formative years in Ilkley Moor before movin to East Yorks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 On medical advice the "Bat out of Hell" star has recently converted to vegetarianism, and shall from this point forward thus be known as Maltloaf. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pfretrock Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 During the recording of their third studio album, dynosaur prog-rockers Emerson, Lake and Palmer lived entirely on ham and cheese sandwiches. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yorks5stringer Posted December 17, 2014 Author Share Posted December 17, 2014 Despite their best efforts, ABBA could never write a Jazz tune. (If any viewer has been affected by the content of this post, there are trained Jazz Counsellors available on the following number until 10.00 pm this evening. 0800 34 44 54 68. This service is sponsored by Blue Note Male Cosmetics and the "I Love Jazz thread") Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yorks5stringer Posted December 17, 2014 Author Share Posted December 17, 2014 Following Bassist "Fusion Proglide" throwing a strop at Rocky Sharpe, Rocky Sharpe and the Razors have broken up. Guitarist "Hydro 5" and Drummer "Mach 3" were phlegmatic saying, "We used to be leading edge, now we are bleeding edge". There is talk however of female guitarist "Venus", drummer "Quattro for Women" and bassist "Intuition" joining Rocky in the not too distant future for a post modern look and sound. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yorks5stringer Posted December 17, 2014 Author Share Posted December 17, 2014 (edited) Strictly Finalist and "Mamma Do" Pop icon Pixie Lott has a theory for her surprise departure from the BBC 1 Saturday Night stalwart show. Pixie explained exclusively to Basschat, " Yeah, well, me old fella Wyn and me bruvver Lance went darn Chigwell on that Black Friday and got a cheap widescreen from Asdas. Mind they add to wrestle it off some old granny! Anyways, cos they were so cheap Lots of the Pixels were damaged on the screens so when I went through my routine at home I couldn't see the moves properly. So come the performance, I wasn't quite on the ball. Yeah, me I'm gutted, can you pass me me fags?" Edited December 17, 2014 by yorks5stringer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diablo Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 After her fag and Bacardi breezer break Pixie followed the above by offering her sincere thanks to her family including brother Costa, sisters Par-Kin & Auk-shun, plus her half brother National Lott-Ery Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yorks5stringer Posted December 17, 2014 Author Share Posted December 17, 2014 [quote name='Diablo' timestamp='1418819923' post='2633626'] After her fag and Bacardi breezer break Pixie followed the above by offering her sincere thanks to her family including brother Costa, sisters Par-Kin & Auk-shun, plus her half brother National Lott-Ery [/quote] Yes, and her cousins Matt E and Poly G. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ras52 Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 [quote name='yorks5stringer' timestamp='1418825903' post='2633723'] Yes, and her cousins Matt E and Poly G. [/quote] There's a lott of it about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yorks5stringer Posted December 17, 2014 Author Share Posted December 17, 2014 [u]IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT[/u] Many of you will know me as a Pro Bassist who uses a stand, but I'm also an A&E Consultant, UKIP New Policy Advisor and Shelf-stacker at Lidl ( well I say shelf-stacker but what I do is empty a box of plastic garden clogs into one of those wire cages, whilst swigging on a can of Red Cow look-a-like Energy Drink. Then I like to carefully undo the cable ties on the clogs and mix up the sizes, say I mix a 45 with a 44 so that people only notice when they get home and have to come back again to change them! I also crush my can up and put it in the bottom of the bin, that seems to discourage shoppers delving deep down too! Anyway, I've just got myself a Handruid Phone and it occurred to me, this thread could become an "ap"! So look out for more exciting news as we get closer to Christmas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diablo Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 This thread already is an ap - a load of pointless cr"ap" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yorks5stringer Posted December 17, 2014 Author Share Posted December 17, 2014 [quote name='Diablo' timestamp='1418833939' post='2633872'] This thread already is an ap - a load of pointless cr"ap" [/quote] Well, that's put a damper on Christmas for me. Gutted I am, gutted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diablo Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 Well I hope you entered the secret santa then you can look forward to a random basschat member buying you the present of your dreams! That music stand you've always wanted, new handles for your cab, J vs P T shirt, so much to look forward to To cheer you up here is a Christmas rock-fact: Slade's timeless xmas hit "Merry Christmas Everybody" was written in just over 4 minutes by Mr Holder himself whilst queuing at the local M&S for a last minute Yule Log in December 1973. It also stands as one of the few ever xmas singles to still chart in February! (true that bit actually). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Adams Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 Well this thread certainly is cr@p. You wouldn't catch me reading it, let alone posting on it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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