FinnDave Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 I've heard a few...recently 'are you going to play or just sit there talking to your missus?' reply...'she's not my wife, she's our singer and we're sorting out what to play'. 'Well tell yer missus to bloody well get on with it then'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monckyman Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Text from agent on way home from rough pub he was using us to soften up. "Just got a text from the landlord, saying "sh*t hot band this", and I thought, I've sent the wrong band"..."lol" Also "If you don't play Alright now, Mustang sally, and Johnny be good, I'm going to f***ing twat you, you little c**t" Nah, made that one up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkW Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 We played in the Black Sheep Brewery tent for the three days of the Great Yorkshire Show the year before last. Complete carnage as you'd expect. At one point a paralytic Irish woman staggered up to the stage, looked straight at me and said "Jeez, but you've got nice tits. Can I have a feel?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JapanAxe Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 [quote name='MarkW' timestamp='1422829984' post='2677381'] We played in the Black Sheep Brewery tent for the three days of the Great Yorkshire Show the year before last. Complete carnage as you'd expect. At one point a paralytic Irish woman staggered up to the stage, looked straight at me and said "Jeez, but you've got nice tits. Can I have a feel?" [/quote] And did you let her? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Badderer Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Best thread I've read all week!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blue Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Classics; [i]"You Guys Rock"[/i] [i]"I Used To Be In A Band"[/i] Blue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neepheid Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I'm pleased and delighted if anyone says anything to me after a gig. Sometimes I feel like I'm pissing in the sea, to use a vulgar analogy. Friday was ok though - there was a guy taking some photographs and I spoke to him after. He said something like "I got a few pictures of you with a massive grin on - bass players aren't supposed to grin!" I replied "oh, but I love my job!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkW Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 [quote name='JapanAxe' timestamp='1422831160' post='2677414'] And did you let her? [/quote] Did I hell! She even had our drummer backed into a corner at one point, and was escorted out of the show ground by security later in the day for 'obscene behaviour'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EssentialTension Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 'You aren't tall enough to play bass.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ubit Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 (edited) We quite often get people saying can my mate get up and sing, or can I sing? In the past we have let them and NEVER has it ended well. So now I say, sorry mate, this isn't karaoke, and they go away all hurt mumbling things like who do you think you are etc, etc. Total no win situation. There was one time I was really bad with the cold and this girl said can I sing? I was like, this is a godsend, cos I was struggling to even talk, never mind sing. She started singing and as always, she was sh*te! Edited February 2, 2015 by ubit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fatwull Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 In my first band somebody shouted at us "play something catchy" "Ok, this one's called syphillus...." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norm Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 [quote name='fatwull' timestamp='1422871236' post='2677631'] In my first band somebody shouted at us "play something catchy" "Ok, this one's called syphillus...." [/quote] I'm nicking that one! Stored ready for use ;-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin_lindsay Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Mid way through a song a drunk punter comes right up to the stage and starts shouting to the singer, "mate! Mate!, MATE!!!!!!!" When the song ended, our singer asked what he wanted. Reply? "Can I get a shot on your drums pal"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norm Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 [quote name='EssentialTension' timestamp='1422860111' post='2677540'] 'You aren't tall enough to play bass.' [/quote] Brilliant! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toneknob Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 "Great gig! I really enjoyed your sex moves". I wasn't doing any sex moves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bilbo Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I had an older guy (60+) come up to me at a Jazz gig I do regularly, just before I was about to play with Alan Barnes, and say ' your bass was too loud last week, mate. Can you turn it down? After all, the bass doesn't really do anything, does it'? 'No, it doesn't' I said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mykesbass Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 [quote name='Bilbo' timestamp='1422873140' post='2677668'] I had an older guy (60+) come up to me at a Jazz gig I do regularly, just before I was about to play with Alan Barnes, and say ' your bass was too loud last week, mate. Can you turn it down? After all, the bass doesn't really do anything, does it'? 'No, it doesn't' I said. [/quote] Ouch! Is that the event you run? If so, could you ban him? (least he deserves)! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FuNkShUi Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 The most popular one i get is "Can you slap the bass?" I get it at least once a gig. Ive learnt to just say "yes" and move onto the next song. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fatwull Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 (edited) Guys and gals, do you still get the odd doughball asking you to "put on a slow one" like you were a DJ putting on records?? Edited February 2, 2015 by fatwull Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheRev Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 "Is that a 'cello?" "Why did they give the shortest person in the band the biggest instrument?" (I tell 'em we drew straws and I lost). Most annoying one was at a recent gig in Weymouth. Very drunk woman at the front shouting "oi! Do you do weddings" all the way through the first set and getting really arsey that we wouldnt talk to her there and then. Got collared by her during the break where she ranted on about how rude we were and that she wanted to book us for her sisters wedding (even though she described her sister as "a c**t"). I said we were already booked for that date (which was true) "I don't care about that" she says "you're f***ing playing. You only need to play for an hour so you'll do it for free cider" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bilbo Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 [quote name='Mykesbass' timestamp='1422873265' post='2677669'] Ouch! Is that the event you run? If so, could you ban him? (least he deserves)! [/quote] Yes - the other musicians were thrilled... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KingBollock Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 [quote name='FuNkShUi' timestamp='1422874172' post='2677680'] The most popular one i get is "Can you slap the bass?" I get it at least once a gig. Ive learnt to just say "yes" and move onto the next song. [/quote] You'd be amazed at what I can slap... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toneknob Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 [quote name='TheRev' timestamp='1422874798' post='2677697'] "...so you'll do it for free cider" [/quote] She should have started with that tbh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yorks5stringer Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Last band were a Jump Jive, Loius Jordan type of set up with us all dressed in gangster suits. Guy comes up to me during our last gig on NYE during "Choo Cho Ch Boogie", and asks "Do you do "Happy"?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaveFry Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 " Are you going to play that 'cello then ? " ................ " Can you help us settle a dispute here mate ? Does " Golden Brown " have five beats in it like " Take Five " ? " ................ " Do you know " Memories " ? " - " Do you mean " Memories , the Theme from the Musical " Cats " " or " The Way We Were " ? " " Yeah , that's the one ! " - " Do you mean the one that starts " Midnight , not a sound from the pavement " , or the one that starts " Memories light the corners of my mind " , which one ?" " That one , yeah ." - " No , we don't know it , sorry . We only know the other one . " ( lying to get rid of them ) " You don't know it , no ? ". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.