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Etiquette and new owner of a sold instrument.


ialma
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Hello everyone,
I wanted to buy a bass here on classifieds, contacted seller and he wrote it was sold.
Asked for new owner's nick (so to contact him and ask him to sell to a higher price) and was told it's an inappropriate question.

Since it happened to me twice or thrice and seller had no problem telling me new owner's name, I wonder (only for discussion's sake) why in your opinion mine has been considered an inappropriate question.
Thanks !

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Two separate points here...

[quote name='ialma' timestamp='1454688414' post='2972124']...
I wanted to buy a bass here on classifieds, contacted seller and he wrote it was sold....
[/quote]

Once an item has been sold, it's required that the mention 'Sold' (or 'Withdrawn'...) be added to the topic title, leaving the rest of the title and topic intact. This enables buyers to not waste time on items no longer available, and signals to the Mods that the topic is ready for closure. It shouldn't be necessary to ask a seller if the item is still available if all adhered to this simple system, but some folks forget once the sale has gone through.

[quote name='ialma' timestamp='1454688414' post='2972124']... it's an inappropriate question...
[/quote]

A private sale is exactly that; a [i]private [/i]sale. There is no obligation on the part of the seller to reveal who the buyer was, and it's not considered good form to enquire, generally. A buyer usually relies on the good faith of the seller to respect that privacy, including the terms of the sale. It's not written in stone; just a question of etiquette, as suggested in the title of this topic.

Edited by Dad3353
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[quote name='Dad3353' timestamp='1454689014' post='2972130']
A private sale is exactly that; a [i]private [/i]sale. There is no obligation on the part of the seller to reveal who the buyer was, [u]and it's not considered good form to enquire[/u], generally. A buyer usually relies on the good faith of the seller to respect that privacy, including the terms of the sale. It's not written in stone; just a question of etiquette, as suggested in the title of this topic.
[/quote]

IYHO

A 'private sale' can mean as you describe but it also applies to a non-commercial sale. I personally don't think it's bad form/etiquette to make an enquiry; the seller is within his rights to say 'No' but equally I might say "I'll contact the buyer and let him know". It's not unheard of for buyers to fall out of favour with basses as soon as they get them, especially if you can't try before you buy.

I see no breach of etiquette implied or otherwise. :D

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I wouldn't say it's inappropriate provided the person who originally sold it asked the permission of the buyer if it's okay to give you their details.

I personally wouldn't feel offended even if they hadn't asked me. To be totally honest, I probably wouldn't even give it a second thought if I were in the position of either seller or the buyer here.

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[quote name='ialma' timestamp='1454689004' post='2972129']
Good point.
I was just wondering why it has been considered an inappropriate question.
[/quote]

Etiquette. It is considered an inappropriate question because it is one - the new buyer is entitled to their privacy, especially when they're trying to enjoy their new purchase.

Asking for your details to be passed on is fine in such a smallish community though there's nothing compelling the original seller to do so.

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[quote name='ialma' timestamp='1454688414' post='2972124']
Hello everyone,
I wanted to buy a bass here on classifieds, contacted seller and he wrote it was sold.
Asked for new owner's nick (so to contact him and ask him to sell to a higher price) and was told it's an inappropriate question.

Since it happened to me twice or thrice and seller had no problem telling me new owner's name, I wonder (only for discussion's sake) why in your opinion mine has been considered an inappropriate question.
Thanks !
[/quote]

I think I would have considered it inappropriate for the same reasons offered in Lw's post above, I think the better option would have been to ask the seller to pass on your details to the new owner and let them decide if they wanted to contact you

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Given that there are publicly accessible feedback threads, and the request was for a forum nickname, and not the personal details of the buyer, is this really a big deal? There have been instances where disgruntled buyers post threads about being disatisified with a deal and half the forum immediately knows who the other party is just by playing follow the feedback...

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[quote name='fretmeister' timestamp='1454690581' post='2972157']
I once had someone on here actually DEMAND that I tell them what I sold an item for to someone else!
My response was not polite.
[/quote]

I bet your answer wasn't.
This would be VERY inappropriate.

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Only asked for a nickname, not a mail address or sensible data.
I usually send a message asking to sell if dissatisfied from the new buy.
Since this forum has a lovely "block sender" option I thought it would not have been a big piece of info to ask for.

I'll take your suggestion and play the safe game
Next time I'll simply ask the seller to pass on a message to new buyer.


[quote name='SubsonicSimpleton' timestamp='1454690525' post='2972155']
Given that there are publicly accessible feedback threads, and the request was for a forum nickname, and not the personal details of the buyer, is this really a big deal? There have been instances where disgruntled buyers post threads about being disatisified with a deal and half the forum immediately knows who the other party is just by playing follow the feedback...
[/quote]

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I used to work in an industry where it was the usual form to ask 'x' if I might have contact with 'y'.
'x' would phone 'y' and they would (usually) phone me or give 'x; consent to part with the contact detail.
There was the very rare occasion where 'y' said no, and 'x' would polity inform me of that outcome.
That was in the early 1980's....seemed to work fairly well without ruffled feathers.......

:ph34r:
'

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I can't see the harm in asking the seller to pass along contact details, whether they choose to or not is entirely up to them of course and I wouldn't take any offense at them choosing not to. I was sorely tempted to try it myself with a great looking bass that I missed out on, probably would have got me nowhere but I did consider it.

Edited by Subbeh
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[quote name='TheGreek' timestamp='1454688765' post='2972126']
Maybe a compromise would be to ask the seller to pass on your details to the new owner to see if he would be interested in selling?
[/quote]

A much better idea, because offering your details first is more... polite.

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I'm confused about this. On the one hand I wouldn't mind if someone passed my nickname on to you, however you may be a pain in the ass and pester the hell out of me once we make contact. I think the seller was protecting the privacy of the deal and he was right to do so. Maybe the buyer had bought it without his missus knowing and discretion was paramount. Either way it was none of your business as far the seller was concerned which is fair enough.

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I don't think I'd be too chuffed if someone started hassling me to sell a bass that I'd only just bought. I think the correct etiquette here, as others have mentioned, is to contact the seller to ask the buyer if they mind having their details passed on. And the success of that would depend on the tone of voice used. Polite enquiries are more likely to be successful than demands.

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