bassbiscuits Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 [color=#000000][font=Calibri, sans-serif]I’ve just called it a day with my pub covers band, but it has left me in a bit of an emotional limbo after playing in it for over 10 years.[/font][/color] [color=#000000][font=Calibri, sans-serif]I had good reasons for doing it, and had thought it through properly beforehand – a combination of having two very young children to care for, a nagging shoulder injury which I want to rest, and if I’m honest, I’d been pretty bored for a while with playing the same old music in the same places.[/font][/color] [color=#000000][font=Calibri, sans-serif] I’d just stopped enjoying it, and it was time for a break.[/font][/color] [color=#000000][font=Calibri, sans-serif]But suddenly I’ve got nothing musical to be planning for, which has totally thrown me, and slightly surprised me![/font][/color] [color=#000000][font=Calibri, sans-serif]I also play occasionally in an original band, and do a bit of depping work, as well as very occasional solo gigs on acoustic guitar and vocals, all of which I could build up into something more. I’ve built up a decent reputation locally as being a good musician, and hopefully not a total idiot.[/font][/color] [color=#000000][font=Calibri, sans-serif]A big part of the reason I quit the other band was to cut myself a bit of slack timewise, and I don’t want to rush straight back into anything just yet, but I’m already feeling bored and moping round the house.[/font][/color] [color=#000000][font=Calibri, sans-serif]Am I being a dunce, or is this just natural? [/font][/color] [color=#000000][font=Calibri, sans-serif]Feels a bit like splitting up with a partner – you know when its time to do it, for all sorts of good reasons, but it doesn’t exactly leave you feeling brilliant all the same, and can leave you feeling a bit insecure and in a vacuum afterwards.[/font][/color] [color=#000000][font=Calibri, sans-serif]Hmm.[/font][/color] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conan Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 All sounds very sensible to me. After all, it's your life and your time. You should be the one who chooses what you do with it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreeneKing Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 It sounds perfectly natural. Loss, grief, it's a process. All the best with the future Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrunoBass Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 (edited) Sounds sensible to me. If you're not enjoying it there's no point. Like you I do my own solo acoustic thing, but I do like being in a band too, so if I left my band I'd need to have something else to jump straight into. I get what you mean about the feeling of loss. I'm not 100% happy where I am but if I did move on I'd be compromising three valued friendships. I guess the answer to that one is don't make friends with your bandmates... Edited March 22, 2017 by PaulGibsonBass Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whizzzy Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 10 years is a long time to be in a band and it's no surprise that you'll be feeling a lose end without it. But if it's no longer fun why continue with it? Life is not a dress-rehearsal, it's the real thing. You also say that you have a young family to care for and look after so my advice is to spend more quality time with them and put the bass playing on the back burner for a while. Children grow up very fast and you'll soon be wondering where that time has gone, so even more reason to spend it with them. You can always go back to playing in bands later in life. Good luck with whatever you decide. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Graham Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Sounds like you made the right choice, but that doesn't mean you won't mourn what you've lost. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bassbiscuits Posted March 22, 2017 Author Share Posted March 22, 2017 Thanks for your input folks. As someone in work kindly pointed out, its not as dramatic as when Robbie left Take That... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phil.c60 Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 (edited) It was the same or me a few years ago when I left a band for very good reasons. It probably won't be long before you're feverishly scanning the "Musicians Wanted" ads.......and so to now, when I am getting slightly peeved with the guitarist/vocalist in my current band. Previous experience has taught me that finding a good band takes a lot of time and effort with many false starts, so keeping this one together ( it's two years in it's current lineup, I've been it it for four and a half and it's become mine and the Harmonica players band as the personnel have changed) at the expense of what are really minor irritations is worthwhile. For me, at least. Edited March 22, 2017 by phil.c60 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Jack Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Buy a couple of well-chosen books (I'd recommend What Duck Dunn) and work your way through them. Choose a couple of songs where you reckon you might be able to sing and play bass at the same time and try them out. Take a Beginner's Course in drumming. Buy a cheap PA and learn how to improve live sound. That lot should keep you busy for a few weeks ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Starr Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 I feel for you having gone through something similar in the last 18 months. I'd expected to get back into music pretty quickly but a few weeks stretched out into a year before I found a decent band. Like you I scratched around with a few side projects but I realised I had invested a lot of time and effort into my gigging life and really missed it as a gaping hole. Thought I'd use it as a chance to catch up on some music theory and learning a few things on the bass that are long overdue, the truth is that without a goal in mind I barely picked it up. It's ended well for me but it is a big hole in your life. Mind you I'd swap it all for a couple more years with my kids when they were young. Good Luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrDaveTheBass Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 I've experienced the same feelings when leaving a band - I was having a horrible time, didn't have any personal ties with the other members, and it was definitely the right thing to do to get out, but when I left I suddenly felt strangely bereft. As GreeneKing says, it's grief, and you've just got to ride out the process. Definitely cherish the time that you spend with your kids - I know it's a cliche, but they really do grow up fast. Having small children seems like a distant dream to me now. Before you know it they'll be independant, at which point it'll be time to get out gigging again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KevB Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Guess it depends what other interests you have and how long you've been in the band. 10 years is a long stint so it's bound to leave a hole. I've recently left a band and barely had time to pick up a bass since, made me notice how much I was neglecting other things doing so much gigging. I seriously doubt I will be thinking about looking at want ads until around August or September. I realised I hadn't actually had any breaks between any of the last 3 bands so I'm making the most of this one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bassbiscuits Posted March 22, 2017 Author Share Posted March 22, 2017 [quote name='Happy Jack' timestamp='1490190394' post='3263053'] Buy a couple of well-chosen books (I'd recommend What Duck Dunn) and work your way through them. Choose a couple of songs where you reckon you might be able to sing and play bass at the same time and try them out. Take a Beginner's Course in drumming. Buy a cheap PA and learn how to improve live sound. That lot should keep you busy for a few weeks ... [/quote] Liking the sound of this! I'm already a singing bassist so I've got that bit nailed. Drumming - now there's an idea! Duck Dunn book could be good tho - reading Johnny Marr's biography at the moment. Plenty of room for improvement in my songwriting and theory, so plenty to get on with really. My old Soviet-era PA desk has died too so there's a whole project of taking that thing apart and fixing it. Thanks folks. You've cheered me up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martin8708 Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 After 10 years in a band , there is bound to be some feeling of loss/ grief . I also have a young child which takes up a lot of your time , but a some of that time is involved with singing and playing guitar , we also play djembe drums and other percussion instruments which he loves doing . I feel I have the best of both worlds , I am still involved in music and have loads of interaction with my son . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blue Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 I've never felt that being in a busy gigging band, having a regular job and being married with young children was a good match. Blue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest gazzatriumph Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 I'm enjoying my break from bands not sure I want to go back to it TBH, more free time to do other things and still enjoy playing bass along to cd's. Ten years is a long time though, so would take a bit of time to get used to not being in that band. Enjoy your break. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bassbiscuits Posted April 18, 2017 Author Share Posted April 18, 2017 I've got my last ever gig with my old band this weekend - a longstanding wedding booking. Looking forward to getting it over and done with as I'm a bit in limbo until then, neither being in the band or able to finally put it to bed. It's been an interesting few weeks since I announced I was going. The band all took it really well, and a couple of them have made a point of reaffirming our friendship outside the band, which is cool and more than I expected to be honest. Been spending more enjoyable time with the family without having to leave early to do a gig etc. I've also been offered some solo gigs on acoustic guitar from people who've seen my old band and know what I sound like. Unexpectedly I also signed up for some life drawing classes at the local college in my newly-found spare time. I haven't done any serious drawing since my A Levels 25 years ago, and it's really helped channel my creative spark and get me thinking. Since leaving my band it has all been a bit of a case of holding my nerve to remind myself why I've done it etc. But now there are a couple of interesting, less demanding things appearing on the horizon, I'm reassured of the positive aspects of why I did it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bazzbass Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 don't stress, you're not the first musician to quit a band to spend time with his family, only to discover family life is boring Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bassbiscuits Posted April 19, 2017 Author Share Posted April 19, 2017 [quote name='bazztard' timestamp='1492579526' post='3281282'] don't stress, you're not the first musician to quit a band to spend time with his family, only to discover family life is boring [/quote] Ha ha! Yes there is that..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikel Posted April 20, 2017 Share Posted April 20, 2017 Sounds sensible to me. The phrase that stuck out was "I'v just stopped enjoying it" If you are like me I presume that's why you do it? If you no longer enjoy it get out, and do something you do enjoy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bassbiscuits Posted April 21, 2017 Author Share Posted April 21, 2017 [quote name='mikel' timestamp='1492702101' post='3282538'] Sounds sensible to me. The phrase that stuck out was "I'v just stopped enjoying it" If you are like me I presume that's why you do it? If you no longer enjoy it get out, and do something you do enjoy. [/quote] Yep - thats about right. I'm quite excited about doing some different new stuff instead, so all good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blue Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 (edited) [quote name='mikel' timestamp='1492702101' post='3282538'] Sounds sensible to me. The phrase that stuck out was "I'v just stopped enjoying it" [/quote] When and if I stop enjoying it, It will be a sad day. I'm encouraged by close friends to mentally prepare for when I can physically no longer do this. Blue Edited April 21, 2017 by blue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ahpook Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 (edited) [quote name='bassbiscuits' timestamp='1490183022' post='3262923'] F[color=#000000][font=Calibri, sans-serif]eels a bit like splitting up with a partner – you know when its time to do it, for all sorts of good reasons, but it doesn’t exactly leave you feeling brilliant all the same, and can leave you feeling a bit insecure and in a vacuum afterwards.[/font][/color] [color=#000000][font=Calibri, sans-serif]Hmm.[/font][/color] [/quote] Six weeks they say it takes to start a new habit, or get rid of an old one. I'm not sure who 'they' are, but I've found that to be a good yardstick in the past when trying to change my behaviour. It feels weird now as you're moving from one thing to another, but you'll adjust in a month or so. Get stuck into that mixing desk, or maybe try something totally new. Keeps the old grey matter agile /taps temple for effect/ Edited April 21, 2017 by ahpook Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FinnDave Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 [quote name='blue' timestamp='1492788831' post='3283270'] When and if I stop enjoying it, It will be a sad day. I'm encouraged by close friends to mentally prepare for when I can physically no longer do this. Blue [/quote] I would (will) be devastated when I have to stop playing, it really is the one thing I really enjoy in life. I've stopped drinking, no longer ride bikes after my accident 16 months ago, all my energy goes into the music. I hope that day is a long day coming, for all of us who live to play. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blue Posted April 22, 2017 Share Posted April 22, 2017 (edited) [quote name='FinnDave' timestamp='1492792252' post='3283302'] I would (will) be devastated when I have to stop playing, it really is the one thing I really enjoy in life. I've stopped drinking, no longer ride bikes after my accident 16 months ago, all my energy goes into the music. I hope that day is a long day coming, for all of us who live to play. [/quote] Agreed, And all gigs are not going to be great, it's still a gig. There are guys out there right now that are frustrating. Not only do they not have gigs they can't even find other like minded musicians to play with. Blue Edited April 22, 2017 by blue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.gif.9ad672bb8b84505709f76b39c8c256ec.gif)
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.