CHW

When playing in a ceilidh band you end up doing a fair few gigs in a barn. It was a New Year’s Eve gig, somewhere on the Yorkshire Moors, stage was a trailer, seats were straw bales, unheated barn venue, beer from a barrel in the corner. Top night if bloody cold. Credit to Fender Mexico, everything stayed in tune very well.

6th form college, it was a “battle of the bands” (shudder) 4 songs, 15 minutes. Loved every second. Knew I wanted to do it forever.

I can’t compete here, I’ve never attended an audition before the last 6 months (all other bands have just fallen into place) and anyone I’ve auditioned turned out great. Having had a couple of unsuccessful auditions myself, and loads of time sending pointless emails only for people to completely disappear, I’m starting to worry I might be the nightmare auditionee. That overweight bloke who turned up with his amp smelling of cat wee, who claimed to have played in bands for 20 years but can’t play for toffee.

No thanks. Someone from hmrc might be in the pub

I've gotten used to it now, but for a good few years Martin Simpson's Never any good, never failed to bring a tear to my eye.

I spent 10 years or so playing in a ceilidh band, and there were plenty of occasions when we arrived at a venue, and had to set up with the room full of guests and no opportunity to do a sound check. In the end we came up with a solution that worked really well. We'd get everyone plugged in to the PA and check all of the signals, then start off with the squeezeboxes, bringing them up to the right level, I'd then introduce the acoustic guitar, drums and bass, one by one, ensuring that I got the mix right. The bass player would be out at the back of the room and we'd communicate through some simple hand gestures. When the bass player would come in, I'd go out to the back of the room and he would adjust himself as needed in the PA. Finally I'd pick up my electric guitar and the bass player would fade me up through the PA, as I joined in from the back of the room (Wireless). The whole process took about 3-4 mins. There were times that we actually used this method for the first dance, managing it with a floor full of people It worked very well and numerous customers commented on how professional it seemed. The most pleasing comments were from staff at venues, who would often comment on how well it worked in comparison to other bands setting up.

Def Leppards Rocket does it repeatedly. I can't think of any more than Jean Genie, Major Tom off the top of my head but there are loads.

I had a classical guitar teacher once advise me to practice my mistakes, expanding this by saying that it's all well and good being perfect in practice, but in performance you are more isolated. It is a far better piece of musicianship to drop a howler, but be able to come back in, in time, and on point. It was almost a case of mid way through a piece, deliberately going out of place and then, bringing it back. It sounds a little bizarre, but really works. I depped in a ceilidh band once where the fiddle player dropped a howler and ended up improvising a new tune on the spot. I've seen a few "names" completely screw up

I like to think of GAS, and it's equivalent for collectors of other things, as being an evolutionary throw back to our hunter-gatherer past. An expensive bass hung on the wall is the equivalent of a trophy deer skull hung outside your camp. A sign of your prowess and skill as a hunter-gatherer. It is what makes you a more attractive proposition to a potential partner. It is definitely made worse by seeing everyone else's stags regularly on the web.

It's a difficult thing to know exactly what to say as I've no idea what it is you're struggling with. Is it being able to play all modes in all positions in every key? Is it remembering the chord changes to Blitzkreig Bop?

This happened twice in an acoustic trio that didn't last much longer than the two times it happened. I was the missing person the first time, and it was a tough gig by all accounts. The second time the guitarist couldn't make it, and I moved onto guitar for the gig. The singer and I ended up kicking out the guitarist very soon after.

A friend of mine works for Proctor & Gamble. He is one of a small team dealing with the machines that churn out a million pampers nappies every few hours. By his own admission he is paid very well for what he does, but there's a catch. He has worked day and night shifts for 25 years, zero flexibility, zero bank hols, all leave needs to be booked weeks in advance and it is hard,, physical work. I probably get paid a similar amount by the hour, but have flexible working, flexibility in terms of leave, a basic 35 hour week, lots of stress at times, but lots of reward. There are ups and downs to everything.

I would have liked to see George Michael have a go at fronting Queen.

Drummers are like sexual partners, you love the one you're with.

I wasn't quite sure what to title this topic. I've been asked to dep with a band next week and I rehearsed with them this afternoon. It is interesting spotting the various differences between the skill level, adaptability, strengths and weaknesses different people bring to a band. I'm sure there are a large number of people who are not absolutely 100% happy with every single member of their bands and it got me comparing my regular band v the depping band. There are members of each that could or might enhance the other and I started playing the game in my head of swapping one or two members. Both bands are classic rock covers but regular band is probably more 70's oriented and dep is more 80's and 90's although there are at least half a dozen matches in the set list. It passed an idle 10 minutes as I was driving home. So if you could, who would you pluck out of one band, and put in another. Flea in U2? Duck Dunn in Primus? Or seriously, what could work? Not just bass