Leaderboard

The best one I ever saw was at an Iron Maiden gig. They were being supported by a then (and probably still) little known band called Funeral for a Friend (catchy huh). They were a bunch of fresh faced young lads about 18 or 19 playing to an arena full of Maiden fans who just wanted to see the main act, and they were being heckled mercilessly and having things thrown at them by a couple of hundred hard core Maiden fans right at the front of the stage. Three or four songs in and they were going down like a turd sandwich at a buffet. At which point the singer who was about as old as my favourite socks, walked to the front of the stage, stared straight at the offending crowd, lifted the mic, and in a level voice said "F#ck you! I'm 19 years old and I'm up here supporting Iron Maiden, and any one of you f#ckers would give your right arm to be where I am now", at which point an almighty cheer erupted across the whole arena, the band started playing the next song and all the offending Maiden fans started moshing along. The rest of their set was absolutely brilliant! I've never before or since seen anyone turn a crowd like that. Absolutely legendary!

Ted Nugent seems to be generally quoted with the famous quote of "if it's too loud, you're too old". However, following a recent conversation with a pub landlord and customer it seems then the modern day version in smaller gig locations should be "if it's too loud, you really are too loud". . . Some background - we played a gig at a new venue for us that's had regular live music for a long time. After sound check the landlady came over and told us we sounded really good and were the best band they'd had in for a long time. Obviously we're all smiling and happy but a bit confused as all we'd played was a few sections of three songs to set the sound up for each instrument. I asked her what it was she liked - she replied without hesitation that we weren't stupidly loud and she could hear herself think when we were playing and also her customers when they ordered. We got a decent crowd and seemed to go down well and spoke to her about possible future gigs. She said she really liked us but that she was almost certainly going to stop having live bands completely. Her reasons were really interesting: Too many of them are too loud - deafening the staff and punters and increasingly annoying neighbours Poor quality sound - guitars drowning out the vocals, bass making things shake around the room and everything sounding a bit disconnected One of her regulars joined the conversation and backed her up. He obviously knew a bit about live sound and he reiterated that bands were getting louder and louder (he mentioned they seemed to be able to do this even with small combos - which is true of course with so much modern gear). The thing that annoyed him the most was the imbalance of sound, only vocals in the PA, PA sounding 'thin' and lacking clarity and the dreaded guitarist and bassist continually turning up to drown each other out whilst the drummer thrashed away regardless. Neither of them thought the musicianship was poor - although they said they often couldn't tell because of poor vocal quality. They both also said that vocals were the single most important thing for most everyday pub gig goers and they couldn't understand why bands seemed to pay so little attention. Soon after we played another gig where the landlord said something along the same lines. He felt he was losing customers because his local bands were simply too loud week after week. He was always telling them to turn down but they always said they had to be that loud because they couldn't hear what they were playing. He said he was not booking any more bands this year This morning I saw a thread (not here) where someone was saying he was in a new band playing weddings and corporate functions but probably wouldn't be in the front of house mix. Another player then said he needed a really powerful amp that went really loud. I see this 'it's great, goes really loud' quote all the time from people playing small gigs and also so many players saying that the PA is just for vocals. I can understand that 'volume' is all part of the dynamics of playing live but surely it should be 'controlled' rather than the mayhem unleashed by so many pub bands? It amazes me that people still think, in an age where quality PA is easily available for not too much money, that being insanely loud is something to aspire to and that they don't seem to really care about setting a band up for the audience rather than themselves. Putting everything into the FoH mix allows you to balance the sound across all instruments so that the audience can hear everything clearly - especially those all important lead vocals. It also allows everyone on stage to pull back on volume so they aren't deafening each other and can hear what everyone else is playing (adding stage monitors or in-ears is a bonus but I realise that's often too much additional expense or is taking up too much floor space). The lead guitarist in my band sets his Mesa Boogie combo to 5w and never needs any more volume. So, apologies for the long post but it genuinely worries me that more & more gigs will disappear if bands don't get their sound in order. . .

This is particular bug of mine... but I'm hoping that what I write here can scratch the surface to help people with their live mixing... First of all, lets look at the volume thing and a thing called the Fletcher Munson curve. In a nutshell, the FM curve does this - At low volumes, our ears are more sensitive to the mids... at higher volumes, our ears become more sensitive to the highs and the lows... so all the detail in the mids (e.g. where the vocals lie), tend to get lost. So in a gig situation, at sound check, things can sound great. As the evening progresses, and as the band volume goes up, there goes your vocals . Also, as the performers ears tire, their ability to hear details in the mids from their amps decreases... so what happens then? They turn up... further compounding the problem. So actually mixing at low volume and simply turning the volume as the punters begin to fill out the room, won't help your mix and how you sound as a band. So there's the first issue. Second issue... Cast your mind back to physics at schools... and wave theory. If you have say, a 150hz sine wave with an amplitude of say x, then if you add a second identical sine wave in phase with the original wave, you'll end up with a single wave, with amplitude of 2x. So what's important about this? In short, the addition of similar frequencies together can cause some very unwanted effects and volume boosts. For example, a lot of bands will start mixing with their kick drum and set that to the volume that they think will suit the band. If you consider say, the fundamental of that drum to be say 35hz and harmonics at 70 and 140... when you lay over a bass guitar that is combining with the frequencies of the kick, you are going to get an increase in volume in the lows due to like waves summing together. An increase in volume in the lows will obviously begin to raise the overall volume of the band and add to the low end mud. This fascination with low end reproduction in cabs has always bothered me - because unless you know what you are doing, all the bass player is going to do is spread a layer of muds in the lows. Now consider two guitarists... sound check 1 guitarist. Sounds great. Soundcheck the other. Sounds great. Now put the two together, and the wave forms of those two guitarist begin to sum - so you aren't just getting the sound of those two guitarists playing together - you are getting some frequencies that are multiplying together to form peaks in the overall mix. So the more instruments you add, the problem starts to compound itself. Then when get frequencies bouncing into open mics and causing feedback loops. Also consider something when micing drums with overheads... that top end air all sounds great in isolation... but when the cymbals are also spilling into other open mics, those high frequencies all start summing... to the point where everything starts to sound really harsh. And what happens when the volume gets turned up, well, the mics start picking up more spill, more summing, more treble... and the more obliterated the mix becomes. I'm amazed at home many people don't understand this - and of course, the average band will then finish with the vocal and then attempt to push the gain, volume, EQ in order for the vocal to cut through the rest of the noise that is coming from the stage. In reality, get the vocal sounding natural (after all, that's what people are MOST interested in) and EQ everything around it, even if the instruments would otherwise sound a bit weird in isolation. Of course, given that the average person doesn't know how to notch frequencies to account for the room, most pub bands end up falling into the above traps. But above all of that, the thing that I can't stand is players that play for themselves, not the band. You turning up after soundcheck screws the mix and makes everybody's sound worse. Cue people turning around and trying to fix what they hear on stage... and there starts the volume wars. You'd never find a sound engineer give a player access to a wedge mix... and this is why. You touching your backline is going to do nothing but screw the mix for the whole band. It makes you a selfish ****. If you cant hear, get yourself an IEM setup so what you chose to listen to doesn't screw with everybody else. IEMs aren't just for stadiums... they can work in pretty much any environment you care to play in. Let the PA do the work - it's more balanced, you have a better control of the frequencies each instrument is producing if it all goes through the desk and is amplified using the PA. Even better, cut the amps completely and the problem of bleed virtually vanishes (obviously things like venue slapback and acoustic drums can still be a problem - but the problem is vastly reduced). Anyway, I'm bored of writing now... but you get the idea.

I once went to the old Bass Centre in Wapping because they'd just had a new delivery in of Trace Elliot and there was a new combo I wanted to try out. They had so much stock that they'd had to make corridors of TE gear for people to walk down. So there I am, sitting on top of the TE combo I wanted to try and was idly fooling around with the intro of Wherever I Lay My Hat and trying to remember how it continued into the verse. Next thing I know there's someone soloing on fretless over my verse patterns. I thought it sounded quite cool so just kept playing a basic pattern whilst listening to the mysterious fretless player. Eventually I stopped and stood up to peer over the stack of cabs to discover my soloing partner was none other than Pino himself on an old fretless P bass! I was instantly embarrassed and ducked down behind the cab wall again, grabbed the combo and headed off to buy it. As I went past Pino said "those new Trace combos are really good, excellent choice'. I mumbled my thanks for his opinion and staggered off to pay for it (no such thing as neo speakers those days so it weighed a ton!).

As an addendum to this sorry fiasco. I put up a few adverts to try and find a band over the last few weeks. Less than an hour ago I received a message from Bob asking if I could read music and played a precision through an ampeg rig. Should I ask if his jaw has healed? You seriously can't make this stuff up.

Fixed

Dug accompanied me to a very mellow gig last weekend. This involved a musical ensemble with a cellist and trumpet player in its ranks. Yes, it fell a wee bit into the 'niiiiiice' category for all you Fast Show fans. For this live outing, I used my Rickenbacker 4001 on the neck pickup for the majority of a gig. Needless to say, the chunk setting didn't feature heavily BUT it did make a brief but well chosen appearance. I used the venue's amp, set flat, and the XLR of the unit provided the bulk of the sound out front. It sounded absolutely great. The compression was really sympathetic to the 'Rick does an upright(ish)' sound that I was after. And, more importantly, I had a prominent low end thud with oodles of definition. Dug is not a one trick pony. And getting a miserable cellist to compliment me on my bass tone is a testament to that.

I don't think it'd pay well anyway, moneys too tight to Maension

Specs from their facebook page: California SL TT4, blackburst SL = SuperLight Body: ceder Neck & fingerboard: Norway maple Pickups: Black Label Electronics: 2Bd EQ Aluminum machine heads, control plate & knobs Weight: 2,995 kg Will be matt finishes (and maybe aged) only as apparently Cedar isn't dense enough for high gloss. Looks very nice to me!

Paul Young: how we made Wherever I Lay My Hat (That's My Home) https://www.theguardian.com/music/2018/sep/18/paul-young-how-we-made-wherever-i-lay-my-hat-thats-my-home?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

10 or so years ago. Singer/guitarist gets us booked to do a pub gig even though we're an originals band. Fair enough we have enough stuff for two sets and it's sort of unchallenging classic rock americana territory and we have a PA so we accept. Turns out it's the local bikers and dealing pub. I'm partially hidden behind a pillar for the whole night on a 'stage' that's raised about six inches of the floor. There's open dealing and using in the loos. The clientele are half off their faces and half looking very stabby. Meanwhile singer/ guitarist is oblivious due to having a couple of Morrocan Woodbines pre-gig around the back with a random and throwing down pints. A worse for the wear woman pulls up a barstool about 2 feet from where I'm stuck playing and shouts "Play some Eagles. Do you know any Eagles?" repeatedly for the last 20 minutes of the first set. As the break is announced She shouts it again. I respond "I don't know any eagles but my aunty's got a budgie' We have a pint on stage as it's too intimidating to mix out front apart from singer who is out back getting his smoke on again. An enormous bloke with with hands like shovels full of sovereign rings in a black polo neck sporting a large gold chain and looking like Big Vern from Viz approaches and tells me "Don't take the p*** out of my wife (she of the Eagles fandom) I'll be watching you". He proceeds to stare at me as he's stood behind his wife on the bar stool without ever having a facial expression change for the whole of set 2. Singer guitarist is slowly losing cohesion and fluffing words and playing even sloppier than usual. Stands up on his amp near the end arms outstretched and proclaims himself to be the messiah of rock n roll. Falls off toppling amp and sits out next song where guitar two fills in and sings. Gets back for a wobbly last song although he's now very out of tune vocally and guitar wise. We ask the pub if we can pick the PA up in the morning so we don't disturb his trade. In reality so we can get away as quickly as possible. He agrees and we manage to leg it unscscathed when a scuffle breaks out at the other end of the pub which also luckily distracts Big Vern. I'm driving and dropping all but the drummer home. Singer pipes up saying what a fantastic gig it was. We ignore him as it must be some good weed. Next day we at least manage to pick up the PA and get paid without too much trouble. On the Monday we have a rehearsal and S/G tells us he rang the landlord and we now have a monthly residency.....When we all looked shocked and politely decline it leads to the end of the band. Well the band with him in it anyway.

Just after Princess Di got killed, we are playing in a pub in Folkestone (never a good idea). It was a ZZ-Top number from what i recall. Two brothers are right at the front and they start arguing about her death. One of them doesn't give a stinky poo, the other was obviously a fan. Suddenly one of them punches both front teeth out of the other one and the teeth landed at our feet. The now toothless brother gets on his hands and knees looking for them (it was a loud carpet, it was dark and we had a lighting rig so it wasn't so easy). Guitarist sidles up, nudges me and says "just keep playing". We did.

Next, the body has been assembled and preliminary shaping has taken place - this is going to be good... and the back... And that's where we are at the moment. I can't wait but I just have to. Exciting!

@ead Fender make a poor mans Sandberg (the engine is running, quick get in!)

It is, and I think we all agree it's very Marmite. Whilst I personally wouldn't buy one I have absolutely no issue with them offering that finish. Don't Sandberg make the best Fenders nowadays?.....I'll get my coat before all the Fender zealots arrive.

FINALLY.

It’s almost as if there had been some kind of avoidable event where a third of the population had voted for something that meant the pound dropped in value...

I've not used, but you seen this? Harley Benton. FXL8 Pro. Boxed. Excellent condition £90 and a fraction of the cost of the ES-8 I bought @bassfan's (who is the guy selling the FXL8 Pro - he's a really good chap) FI off him and also have a couple of SA pedals on my board, so I'll be interested to see what you eventually go for as I suspect avoiding midi control is something I won't manage to do forever

The body is now nearly finished. The arm/belly contours are done. I filled in the old pickup rout, and re-did it for a reverse P. I spent ages cutting out paper control plates of different shapes (including the Sandberg style suggested by @songofthewind , which look great) but just couldn't get anything I was happy with. Because of it's location (nearer the bridge) there wasn't much contour to it, which meant it just ended up mostly looking like a not-very-happy penis. And I'm not sure that's exactly the look I was after 😕. So in the end I simply decided to re-shape the body so that it followed the shape of the control plate, rather than the other way round. I think it's ended up looking pretty good. I also did drilled the holes for the pickup and bridge ground wires. Because the bass is going to be painted, the easiest way to do the bridge ground was just to drill through the side of the bass. I don't have a bit anywhere long enough to drill all the way through from the bridge pocket. One thing I forgot is that those long bits drop, so by the time it came out into the control cavity it was worryingly near the bottom. Luckily there were a few mm to spare, and I may fill the bottom with a bit of epoxy just to make sure it remains strong enough. Tomorrow, fretting and doing the roundovers on the body.....

L Ive just got these Elixir strings and as far as I can tell they’re not fake. The packaging isn’t shonky, all trademarks are on the packaging and when I’ve popped them on my status necked USA P bass they seem to sound and feel nice. My only issue is that I can’t A/B them as I don’t have “genuine” ones and I don’t fancy paying £45 just to test them out.......

Here's a pic Maz (Pino's wife) sent to me a few months ago. Looking well worn.

Ha I knew someone would better it. I thought someone might of fixed it with "Drumming" in place of pasting. Yours is far more sophisticated. I had to look up the reference but don't tell anyone.

fair enough caveat emptor or something!

I got scammed by a seller with 98% feedback on over 200,000 sales. Ebay/Pay Pal did f all when I raised it with them as his feedback rating was good enough. Fortunately I only lost £10.

Don't Tell The Bride Yep, that awful program off BBC3. One of my bands should have been playing in the background of an episode years ago. It's not the kind of telly that I'd normally touch with a 60-ft remote control, but it would have been a telly appearance for a band playing originals, on a relatively mainstream channel, and so it seemed like a potentially good opportunity when first touted to us. It turned out our singer knew somebody who had put in a successful application to lay on a UFO/Roswell-themed wedding for his (very patient) betrothed, and decided he wanted us to play during the reception. Suits us, we thought, we can cheekily squeeze our more accessible material in between the standard covers. One of the things about programs like this is that they do like to pack out the venues, so every Tom, Richard and Harry was invited to make up the numbers. Even if being barely visible in the final TV edit didn't do wonders for our career, we'd have easily had 100+ impressionable punters to play to. Naively, we even pressed ahead with it when the groom told us that he'd blown all the budget on this ridiculous setup and had no money for the band. Sound familiar? One of the other things about programs like this is what an absolute logistical mess they are to film: the first take is never good enough; the cameramen missed certain angles that time; something's stopped working, bear with us; FFS Terry why didn't you hit 'record'?; and so on. Nothing runs to time. We were asked to drive up to an old airfield somewhere near Ipswich for filming. We knew we wouldn't be needed until after the first dance, but they asked us to get there for something like 10am anyway. Both the singer and guitarist had done TV before, and warned the rest of us that this was the reality of it: a lot of waiting around. Every so often, information would trickle through. They're just doing one last take of the vows; can you be ready in an hour? This becomes worse than standard waiting around - every so often somebody drops in to make sure you're on tenterhooks. Sorry, they need to reshoot a couple more snippets; we'll be back for you in another half-an-hour. Eventually, we were invited into the venue to soundcheck. It was an old wind tunnel - an aircraft hangar with some very effective acoustic treatment lining the walls and the roof. That's a weird sonic experience if ever you've had one. Our guitarist played some riffs to soundcheck while I walked maybe 100m from his amp to see how things would sound in the middle of the audience. It sounded exactly the same as when I was on the stage. Very impressive, but also incredibly sterile-sounding - you don't realise how much you miss room ambience until it's gone! Anyway, the soundcheck complete, they served a meal, about three hours later than planned. At least we got a good lunch out of them. We sit through the speeches. The couple finally have their first dance, and we get ready to play as soon as they've finished...until a producer wanders over and tells us they just want to reshoot a scene from earlier. Also, can the DJ put some music on so they can get some shots of the guests dancing? The latter request seemed odd to us. Surely the guests could dance to our music? And surely they'd continue to dance when the DJ took over after our set? It all became apparent after the first dance: after a day of filming, all the guests are knackered. The DJ piped in some music but even he couldn't corral more than half a dozen people up to the floor. Most of the assembled party looked like they just want a quiet cup of tea and/or a nap. The camera crew make do with what they can get, and we're given the all-clear to start playing. As we hit the opening bars, we look over to see the camera crew packing up and walking brazenly out the door. We are not going to be on television, we all realised. And the 100+ punters manage some polite applause from the comfort of their seats, but are too tired to give a rat's fundament. We decide to call it quits after five or six songs. The DJ fares no better as we load all our gear out of the hangar and into a van hired at no small expense to ourselves. The best man tries to call a half-arsed apology to us as we leave. We drive home, ruing the day we ever agreed to appear on Don't Tell The Bride.

It's a cover vesrion, so worthless according to some people here.😀

In that particular band, it's not really worth a try. Everything has become too socially entangled - the easiest way is for me to walk away. I know drummers can play quietly without losing any their impact as I play with others who do, in a different type of band. Last week we were on holiday in the West Country; there was a jazz trio at the pub we were staying in, and the drummer only used sticks for one number. The rest of the time, he was using brushes, beaters or his hands, drawing people into the quietest and most subtle of rhythms with his fingertips on a cymbal. The audience were a table's width from the kit, and were entranced by the whole performance. Had he been playing like a typical rock drummer, I suspect the bar would have been empty in a few minutes.

Yes they were. I managed to restrain myself from firing off an immediate retort. I’ll respond tomorrow once I’ve had a think about it.

It was GuitarGuitar. Not the first time they've done this with cases/case candy either but to be fair they've made the return as hassle free as possible, which is more than can be said for some *cough* Richtone *cough* I've arranged a return. I decided I just couldn't live with it given the cost. Still waiting to hear on the wait time for a replacement. 😩

Have a few stories, mainly in my originals days. I remember a venue saying they would supply the backline for us 'so just bring your guitars'. Got to the venue and... nothing! Landlady asked us to make a 40 mile round trip to 'fetch our drum kit'. Announced we were going one way only and promptly left. One of my first bands, in front of roughly 150 people, guitarist started the set without checking in first. I was still plugging in and tuning up yet he had already started the song... asked after the gig why the bass wasn't in the first song. Same band, played a different venue and we were received well. Got shouts from the crowd for an encore. Singer announced I don't feel like it and walked off the stage. Ah, a good one - had a lesbian couple make out to one of our songs during the set. Best story is for various reasons, a venue at the last minute said our band could not play the gig anymore. When I say last minute we had arrived with the gear to load in. Not a clever move on their part - we were providing backline for a 5 band bill and 2 of the other bands were friendly with ours. Once they found out we weren't playing, they pulled out and the 3 of us arranged a gig, that night at a venue less than 100m away from the original venue. So no backline and only 2 bands remaining on the bill. The promoter was not a happy bunny!

I know a luthier who was once asked to repair an aged bass.... To remove a ding. Customer wanted only the official dings and not a real one. I make no further comment!

Part of the problem is drummers who simply cannot control their volume. I am lucky enough to play with a few drummers who can play quietly, but also one who can't. I am seriously considering leaving that band (after more than five years) simply because the drums are always too loud, so everything else gets turned up to compensate.

And this also plays to the strengths of in-ears: if you can control the mix, and more importantly volume of what you're hearing as a player, then ear fatigue doesn't set in and lead to the 'I can't hear myself clearly, I'll juuuust turn up' volume wars. Since we dumped the backline, our control over our volume as a band has been much tighter.

The pickguard is made I've just temporarily covered it in black vinyl to see how it looks

It would be good if bass amp makers fitted a high pass filter as a matter of course. It would only cost them pennies. I know some do, but none of them provides that information as far as I know.

At least he's not talking about how he ruined My Generation with the Who.

I'm clearing out old studio equipment and offer this Tascam 564 Digital Portastudio to anyone who would like it for free. It is old technology but works well using special Mini-Discs (I have a pack of 5). Full instruction book with it.

Have you seen that Bass direct have just had in a 1976 Jazz bass, same colour. You could have a matching pair!! http://bassdirect.co.uk/bass_guitar_specialists/JAzz_Fender_1976.html I like Wunjo guitars- I was up in London. Two weeks ago and had a couple of hours to spare, so went and tried some Lowden acoustics. They were very friendly, and didmt mind me working my way up through several thousand pounds worth of guitars, putting them in weird tunings 😊 Robbie

So "booty" as in pirate's reward. Thanks for clearing that up for me. I've never fully understood the word the way Americans use it. As has been noted above, you've got a unique writing style. It would be fun to meet and chat for real. I've not said before but great playing! It is a shame more people don't get to hear it in real life but I understand you have issues that prevent it happening. Nice touch that. Putting the BC logo on one of your clips. Laters.

A rainy Sunday evening in Bristol around 1987, feeling a bit lonely, I’m walking my local streets, from a pub comes the sound of some local musicians playing Blue Bossa. There’s a cute girl sitting at the front with her girlfriend, we’re both digging Andy Sheppard and his band. Thank god for Jazz. I wish I was able to play it well, then I’d know I’d truly been blessed. One day! This double album is a favourite of mine

🙌 happy for you Dood! If another one bites the dust wasn't the first lick you tried on the bass I'll be disappointed!

Just about done! It’s a bit late, so I am losing the ability to put the right screw in the right place, but here we are so far...

Supported 'The Blockheads', chuffed isnt the word, met Norman Watt-Roy and he signed my pick guard 🙂

BLOOD The very first pub gig I ever played was at the Salmon & Ball in the East End, a corner pub with doors onto Cambridge Heath Rd and Bethnal Green Rd. Maybe the area has been gentrified since then ... it certainly wasn't bloody gentrified when I played there. We set up with our backs against the East wall of the pub, between the two doors, and started playing. Halfway through the first set a couple of black guys came in, bought their drinks, and sat peaceably at the back of the pub. Some of the white skinhead types at the bar were giving them the eye, and the atmosphere went thoroughly rank. It didn't help that our keyboard player was black. Sure enough, after a while a couple of these East End good ol' boys decided to start something and headed to the back of the pub. There were some verbals, and then one of these idiots decided to do it like they do on telly and knocked the end of his beer bottle on the edge of the table = instant lethal weapon, right? Erm ... no. I come from a family of coppers going back to Victorian times (believe it or not) and one thing I've heard plenty of is that when you smash a glass or a bottle like they do in the movies (with a prop made of sugar), the most likely outcome is that you end up with a handful of broken glass. So tough guy idiot #1 is now standing there with blood spurting out of his hand, tough guy idiot #2 looks like he's going to cry, the two black guys seem unimpressed, and the landlord takes over. This being the heart of the old East End, the guv'nor looks exactly (and I mean exactly) like Grant from Eastenders. He drags them behind the bar so that he can run the cold tap over the damaged hand, then produces a mass of that blue kitchen towel they use in pubs and gets tough guy idiot #1 to mash it up in his hands, finally escorts them to the Cambridge Heath Road exit and shows them the way to the nearest A&E. He's done this before, hasn't he? We're still playing. Next, the guv'nor starts taking tables and stools and builds a barricade (seriously, I'm not making this up) against the newly-bolted door onto Cambridge Heath Road. Then he goes to the door onto Bethnal Green Road, which is actually a pair of narrow doors. He closes and bolts one of the narrow doors and takes up position in the narrow doorway that he's left open. His white t-shirt has been liberally sprayed with the blood of tough guy idiot #1 which makes him look a lot like Bruce Willis in a Die Hard movie, and there he stays for the rest of the set. People in the pub are allowed to leave, people outside the pub are not allowed in. Unsurprisingly, by the end of our first set the pub is empty apart from us, the guv'nor, and a barmaid. He pays us off, apologises to us (!), and we very sheepishly break down and leave. The most astonishing thing about this story is that I ever played another gig.

Reminds me of what Miles Davis said to Coltrane when he (Coltrane) said he found it difficult to end a solo when in full spiritual flight...." Try taking the f***ing horn down from outta ya mouth...!!! 😅

I drove a band (who shall remain nameless) to their first European gig at the Paradiso in Amsterdam. Having set up and soundchecked I gave the band the usual warning (that probably doesn’t apply these days) about being wary of the higher quality weed there than back in Blighty and said I’d meet them back at the venue before on stage time. I get back only to find the drummer has a) over indulged in said weed and b) managed to bring a very old bottle of Kaolin and Morphine with him. Now Kaolin and Morphine, if left alone for many years, will separate out and the clear liquid at the top is (I’m led to believe) the morphine. Apparently the drummer had ‘had a swig or two’ of this clear liquid and was now on a sofa in the dressing room and in a deep sleep. I managed to get him sitting upright and conscious (barely) but his reactions and responses were massively impaired, as if he were in slow motion. At this point I realised I was going to have to be the drummist for this gig, I had a general idea of how all the songs went but lacked the knowledge of the finer points, but it was a punk band, how many finer points could there be? Anyway I did the gig and it was ok, I just hit everything hard and started and stopped in the right places. The next day on the way home the drummer finally regained his senses somewhere near Ghent, he thought we were still on the way to the gig and was actually quite angry that I’d taken his place. I pulled over at a rest point and dragged him out of the van. Held up against a tree by his throat being assured he would be left there if he carried on seemed to restore a modicum of democracy to the proceedings although he did kick off again when he realised I got paid his cut. I’d like to say it was a good lesson not to over indulge but if it was then it went unheeded, this behaviour continued and eventually he was kicked out. Little did I know that this lesson in dealing with idiots in bands was just a taster of what was to come!

I don't think that's fair at all. It is attitudes like your cousin's, that puts people off jazz, claiming it to be elitist. Granted, it takes a high degree of musicianship to perform jazz music, but that does not...(or SHOULD not)...mean looking down your nose at fellow musicians.

Which reminds me..... many years ago I was at a tribute gig (band name withheld to protect their identity... lol!) and a bloke shouted out between songs "Play something you know!" To which the singer replied without hesitation "We already did.... YOU.... when you paid a tenner to get in!"

OK looking at the top graph it is excursion, how far the cone moves at each frequency. It's not there to tell you how the speaker sounds but if you look there is a red line at 7mm. That's the maximum the cone can move without distorting or Xmax. anything much above this and you will not just get distortion the speaker will be damaged. The other thing to notice is that the deeper the frequency the further the cone moves except at 50Hz where it moves less than you'd expect. That's the port tuning frequency. The air in the port is doing all the work and creating a back pressure on the cone stopping it from moving. Without the port the cone would be well outside the safe excursion limits and that is why we use ported cabs. Looking at the last graph and that tells you the maximum power you can use. Above 40Hz you can use the full power of the speakers rating 320W. It'll get very hot but won't burn out. Below that you can see that too much power will move it out of the 7mm zone and it will get damaged or distort. If you put in a 20hz signal it will only take 20W without distortion and you'd blow it with 30W'ish.