Leaderboard

I was my worst auditionee. The band (2 guitars, drums) sent me a list of songs. I rehearsed them for days on end, then turned up for the audition. They launch into a song without saying what it is. Then another and another. Some are in different keys from the originals. I have no clue, none whatsoever. At one point, mid-song, the lead guitarist wanders over, picks up my left index finger and physically places it at the correct fret. Then he wanders back again. Finally he says: "Roxette?" I say: "The Swedish duo?" "Nah, Feelgood." I'd never heard it before. It wasn't on the list. In the end they just ignore me and play on. Audition over I pack up and the band repair to the pub (I'd been told that going to the pub after band practice was mandatory as part of band bonding). "You coming?" one of them says. "Me? Sure." I follow in my car. In the pub I sit at the table saying nothing while they chat. I am feeling dreadful. What a complete and utter horlicks. I'm burning with embarrassment and shame. Then the lead guitarist looks over. "You in?" I couldn't believe it. They turned out to be a great bunch of guys and great musicians (the lead guitarist in particular). I learnt very quickly after that. Memorable gigs followed. I learnt later how I'd got in. Sheer desperation on their part. Not a single bass player for miles around. Not one. Except me.

I see your singers and raise you a keyboardist. This is where my lifelong distrust and aversion for keyboardists comes from... Once upon a time I answered an ad for a funk band with female singers. It was like an X factor style audition being run by the guitarist who was a decent enough chap but the songs were more indie rock. There were loads of other guitarists and drummers there but only me as a bassist so I was kept. A week later and we audition a keys player. Dave shows up, long hair, looks like he wants a job in IT support but isn't bright enough, spends forever setting up his scaffolding for all his keyboards while talking about all these festivals he's played where the soundman didn't even have x, y z but of kit we've never heard of. Eventually he's ready to play a song. He hasn't listened to the audition songs or come prepared in any way. Stereophonics song? "Oh..... Errrr, Welsh band aren't they? I think I might have heard them on a cassette. My girlfriend is Welsh." Ummm thanks Dave. He plink plonks a couple of notes while we play. He doesn't even try to overwhelm us with weird sound effects, he just stands there looking confused the whole night, even when we tell him the chords. Guitarist invites him back the next week if he can learn some of the songs. Next week. Dave has clearly not learned anything and I doubt if he could achieve Grade 1 piano. After bashing through some songs hoping he will catch up guitarists says "let's pack away and when he goes get all our gear back out". I've packed away and Dave is still dismantling his huge keys rig so I get bored and say F this I'm off home. Half an hour later I get a call from the guitarist through gritted teeth: "I know you haven't got them, but can you check all your pockets and cases for Dave's car keys? We've turned the place upside down and just can't find them." I didn't have them. A long while later I get a text. Dave's car keys were eventually found after checking everywhere including in the till of the pub. They were in the pocket of his hoodie all along. I never saw Dave again. I've never played with a keys player since.

Keyboards Dave was almost as weird as the drummer.... So eight years ago I got together with a guitarist and singer to do 80s indie I guess you'd call it. I liked the two of them and we clicked so we got some songs together as bass, two guitars and vox and looked for a drummer. Drummer answers ad saying all the right things. Except he wants to rehearse a long way away, being the only one with a car out of the three of us I'm happy to drive us there. We get there and the drummer, I think also a Dave, is flapping around with the studio staff because the kit isn't right and he needs something really specific and can't believe they haven't got it... Etc. We play one or two songs and he's ok. He can't stop talking though. He keeps telling us how it would be great if we did Crazy Horses by the Osmonds, Robbie Williams Let Me Entertain You... We are fixed on Talking Heads, Camper Van Beethoven, the Waterboys so we don't think this will fit. The guy just doesn't stop talking about how his last bands were so great playing the Osmonds. We have a drinks break and we can't get a word in edgeways. Drummer keeps saying how some people don't like him because he has all these ideas but surely we should just talk about it and agree or disagree. This is a valid point though his actions are suggesting he will talk until you agree with him. He gave us a set list he thinks we should do... Having not met us before, not registered that we've already been working on something, and not registered that we aren't doing karaoke in a flat-roof pub type songs. We play some more. He tells us how on stage he wants us to set up with his drums at the front because nobody else does that. He tells us he has a headset mic and wants to lead vox on some songs. When we are leaving with all our gear packed up he runs over, slams the door shut, turns off the lights and then starts playing with glow in the dark drum sticks. We leave confused, slightly scared. And never contact him again.

NBD!! After much deliberation, finally decided to take the plunge on this drop-dead-gorgeous (IMHO) Sandberg Cali ll TM SL 2-band active that Thomann had in stock. Only just unpacked it but I can report that the build quality and playability are spot on - as I expected, having owned a Lionel. Thanks to its paulownia body and lightweight machine-heads, this one weighs next to nowt and still balances perfectly on the strap. I'll post more feedback when I've got to know it properly.

Had a (so called) singer turn up once. He had had 2 months to learn 6 songs. Discussions etc on WhatsApp. He turned up an hour and a half late to the audition. Then proceeded to say he hadn't really bothered to learn the songs in case we didn't think his voice would go with the band. So he didn't bother. He then impromptu asked us to (magically know, learn and immediately play) 6 songs from different artists so he could show us what he could do. We gave it a go - and he was then terrible. Then he left after we'd gone through 3 songs and an hour before we were supposed to finish. Said he was busy and had to get home to watch a TV show. Unbelievably he said to give him a ring and he'd be down for next rehearsal next week and walked out like mick jagger....

I’ve been drunk many times in my life, but never Ali Express Dingwall with a Tesco logo drunk

If my Ric sells, I will be down (gulp) to one bass for the first time in 10-15 years. This one, my '73 Mustang. 😋

Finally bagged a teal/maple!

Shamelessly copied and pasted from a post of mine years ago, but, I hope, worth a revisit: Manchester...erm, mid-80s... Our drummer (in an originals-with-the-odd-cover 80s Rock Band) was about to become a Dad, and had reluctantly decided he'd have to shelve the rehearsals and gigging for a good while, so he'd stepped down, and we were on the urgent look-out for a replacement. As a thoroughly nice chap, and knowing we had gigs booked we needed to fulfil, he had even left his kit at the rehearsal rooms for new drummers to use, in part or whole, for the auditions. We organised a Sunday afternoon, with an hour slot for each drummer we'd contacted, and it started unremarkably, but then, second to last, was the standout. And not in a good way. He turned up in a six-wheel Transit, immediately earning about a thousand bonus points, but it became terribly clear that all this thing held was his kit...and there was little room for anything else. After refusing to use of any of the already-set-up kit, he began ferrying kit in. And more kit. And more kit. After ten minutes of watching boxes piling up, and with his end of the rehearsal room beginning to look like the dockside of the Queen Mary before a round the world jaunt, we volunteered to help, and then we all spent the next 45 minutes setting up a furry tigerskin-covered double-kick kit, with six raised toms, three floor toms, eight rototoms and so many cymbals we couldn't see him any more. As he tightened up the third china cymbal, I said "No gong, then?", and he froze, looking concerned. "I didn't bring it...should I have done?" I assured him it wouldn't count against him, and eventually, with about five minutes left of his allotted hour, he was ready. The singist had been forced to nip outside to intercept the last auditionee, apologise and ask him to bear with and go for a pint in the local for twenty minutes, and then our hero launched into the first intro, to a then-bog-standard Bon Jovi tune we'd decided would make a good starter audition song. Now, in 40+ years of bands, I've never played in a freeform jazz ensemble, and I certainly hadn't back then, so I was unfamiliar with the five-count intro, and the thirteen-bar drum fill*, but this chap was clearly a master. We couldn't possibly fault him for brio, enthusiasm, and certainly energy...it was his counting which left quite a lot to be desired**. In addition, having taken so long to set up his mahoooosive kit, he was determined to hit every single drum and cymbal as often as he could, with scant regard for the song, or indeed the befuddlement he was creating amongst his prospective fellow band-members. I shall leave to your imagination the meal he made of the drawn-out ending, suffice to say Richard Wagner, had he been hanging around the rehearsal rooms (unlikely) and not dead for about a century (for once, fortunate), would probably have shaken his head and said something unflattering about bombast. In German. He finished by standing, his arms aloft and his eyes shining. Had that thing Usain Bolt does (not the running, the archery-arms thing) been around, he would have been doing that. We shuffled our feet, unable to maintain eye contact with him or each other, for fear of collapsing into hysterics. Eventually the singer thanked him for his time, and we all heaved-to loading his van again, while the singer went to buy the other auditionee another pint. He didn't get the job. * I'm probably doing an enormous disservice to freeform jazz ensembles around the globe here, so apologies if so, but I'm at a loss as to where else to place it musically. Perhaps amongst those gangs of glassy-eyed, saffron-robed enthusiasts one encounters on the city streets, each banging a drum in a random manner with a blissful expression and no regard for hard-pressed shoppers... ** I note that 'dyscalcula' is the numerical equivalent of dyselxia, and apparently A Real Medical Thing. It may have been that he was a secret sufferer; that would explain an awful lot. Edit: I've just spotted that I've spelt 'dyslexia' wrong in the footnote above. Oh, the irony...

If there was any doubt whether I am a pedal obsessive it's been dispelled since I suffered a shoulder injury. I've played less bass so I found a different bass-related outlet: building boards! I recently put together a European board using excellent versions of each type of pedal I play using only European manufacturers, and using each manufacturer no more than once. The board, power supplies and cables are European too. I think only the velcro isn't (I went for American dual lock instead of Swiss velcro). I've been meaning to put together the European board since August but was waiting on a particular pedal. Ultimately I gave up (and it shipped today!!). In the meantime I put together other themed boards by manufacturer (Broughton, Iron Ether, Caveman, Noble and Cali76 (it may as well be one brand!), EAE and 3 Leaf): Here's a photo of all of the assembled boards (save that the BC1 is being used on the European board so that Caveman board has disappeared):

One of the best bands I was in split up largely because of lots of drugs were being consumed and we all ended up a bit messed up all the time, anyhow...the final moment basically hinged on an argument about whether I was sleeping with the cornet player. Seems both very debauched and very polite. The cornet player Sex, drugs and.....brass ?

Don't feel bad... he joined our band! 😁

We were looking for a singer for our function band. The guy turned up on time, looked great, sang even better. Knew the songs. The plan was to give him half an hour and then discuss after he'd left. While he was packing down to leave he started telling us all about the numerous fights he'd been in at gigs.

NBD!! After much deliberation, finally decided to take the plunge on this drop-dead-gorgeous (IMHO) Cali ll TM SL 2-band active that Thomann had in stock. Only just unpacked it but I can report that the build quality and playability are spot on - as I expected, having owned a Lionel. Thanks to its paulownia body and lightweight machine-heads, this one weighs next to nowt and still balances perfectly on the strap. I'll post more feedback when I've got to know it properly.

Another band, another drummer audition. Beforehand, guy asked what was provided at rehearsal rooms. "Just a basic kit - you'll need to bring your own cymbals, stands, seat and any other favourite equipment you particularly like". Guy turns up with two drum sticks and nothing else. Turned out he didn't actually own any drums, cymbals, stands, seat - just two drum sticks.

Guitarist tried to set fire to the vocalist.

During my time in Glasgow, I once had an initial audition with the guitarist who was so high that he brought an old Boss 8 track recorder as his 'pedal board' and proceeded to try and run the 8 track recorder through a Marshall AVT head and cab so he could access the onboard effects on the recorder. He assured us that he knew what he was doing and that these effects were 'the bees knees man'. He gave up after 20 minutes then just plugged in his guitar in to the amp only to notice that it only had four strings, which was unfortunate as 'those two strings were the ones I really needed.' Another session involved a guitarist who hailed from Yemen, who was actually technically pretty competent. However we really couldn't play in a band with him out of the awkwardness of him insisting to check that none of the other band members were Jewish before we started playing, although in his defence he did also state 'I have no issues with Protestants or Catholics, so I am still more tolerant than many Glaswegians', which admittedly did get a laugh. I mean, when you try to start a stoner rock band, it comes with the territory that sometimes people will turn up entirely stoned or slightly unhinged. It is only now, about 15 years later that I realise just how weird some of those sessions were.

Daves seem to be a bit odd! Years ago I was trying to set up a band, had put an ad in the local muso-rag specifying funk, jazz... So Dave turned up at my house in his Reliant Robin, brought out his acoustic guitar and without coming into the house, proceeded to regale me with his repertoire, which were all his own material. Which would have been nice if they weren't so terrible! Like drunk folk round a campfire who couldn't play or singing belting out unrecognisable tosh after 2 bottles of whisky. After his "gig" he got back in his Robin and fecked off. He barely spoke a word at any point, and I never heard from him again!

My 4003s 2023, V63 spec, love this instrument, neck is really flat D profile so easy to play this one. Sounds fantastic with Toaster and Horseshoe. Has the new single truss rod , new bridge and skunk stripe in Fireglo Finish.

In the early 80s, I was in a band in London with a very good girl singer that had a bit of interest, but there were a few personal tensions and we split up. Me, the guitarist and the original drummer decided to resurrect the band without keys and started looking for a singer. We held auditions over a couple of days in a rehearsal studio in the Elephant & Castle. The first session turned up a couple of possibles, but the second one was less productive. One girl turned up in a leather mini skirt, dressed up as if for a night out and looked great, but unfortunately she didn't have a great voice. The guitar player later rang her up, saying that she didn't have the right voice for the band, but she had something if they could find the right project for her. He ended up talking her into going on a date with him, which obviously was the intention all along. However, the best was saved for last. A Welsh girl (who I remember was a nurse) turned up about half an hour late, just as we were about to knock it on the head and go to the pub. It was pretty obvious she wasn't going to get the gig, so we take her for a drink. After a couple of beers, she was still wanting to sing and she obviously wasn't short of confidence, so we head back to the studio. We try to teach her one of our songs, which she just couldn't get. She then reaches into her bag and pulls out a Black Sabbath songbook and decides that she wants us to play Paranoid. We had been taping the auditions, so the guitarist discretely turns the tape off, only for me to flick it back on. She wasn't great, in fact she was awful and singing so flat she was nearly coming back in tune an octave down at times. At this point, her boyfriend comes to pick up her up and she's giving us her details, confident that she's completely nailed it! I must have played that tape to everyone who came down to my gaff for weeks...

Same bass, new licks of paint, graphtech nut, cts pots and a gigbag to save you the ballache of finding a T-bird shaped one.. https://www.epiphone.com/en-US/Electric-Bass/Thunderbird-'64/Ember-Red

After a few beers at Christmas I ordered a knock off Dingwall from Ali express.. I woke up the next morning to an email from the seller asking what “customisations” I wanted.. what a treat.. a custom bass!!… so I went to town, orange finish, 3 x pickups, maple neck… and a custom headstock logo! It arrived this morning - it’s awesome!! Obviously it’s not actually a finely crafted, custom instrument - but the finish is pretty clean and it sounds good, all the electrics work and it’s very playable!! The hardware is a bit lightweight… but for £279… it’s a lot of bass!

Latest batch of update photos from Mike, and time to start getting proper excited now, I think! 😊 Scheduled to pick up next weekend at present. Mike's been testing the various pickup connections at each stage of assembly, but has not so far been able to sound test them. I can't wait to hear them. He's a true artist and I've no doubt at all they'll sound every bit as good as they and the bass looks.

That’s both hilarious and really sad at the same time. I’m imagining him breathing away like some sort of Davros/Darth Vader hybrid whilst playing!!

The guitarist. A few from a list of many, many, many frustrating events that lead up to the band splitting up… The guitarist spat in my hallway… He regularly got smashed and started to try and fight the rest of the band in order to ‘give us an unbreakable bond’… The guitarist spat in the singers car. At the end, he slept with the drummers sister and that was that, arsed we could no longer be. I’m unaware if this one involved any spit.

Mate of mine had a huge house (that looked a little like Tracy Island) with a large basement studio where we'd just leave our gear set up 24/7 and turn up and play. We were never going to take things out live, this was a more open musician session thing where we'd write/record/jam/drink beer; several drummers played, other guys just either lost interest or had commitments elsewhere; I'd mentioned to everyone I knew that we just needed someone to come along and play drums. We got a suggestion of a local bloke through a friend of a friend of a friend, so in desperation we asked him along. He'd apparently being playing for ages, but not so much recently. I guess the latter comment should have rung alarm bells. He turned up and unloaded an absolutely beautiful old Ludwig kit, all the hardware looked lovingly taken care of. Big problem was he really couldn't play at all, but I don't think he realised that in the slightest. There was just nothing there whatsoever. He could barely hold together a slow 4/4. It would be akin to getting your mum to sit in on traps for a session. It was an uncomfortable three or four hours.

We auditioned a guy for lead vocals who learned a couple of our original songs and sang them perfectly out of step with the music. It was quite impressive really - like taking the multitrack session and just dragging the vocals a couple of seconds to the right. The natural reaction was to try and 'correct' the music to match the vocals, but we held out and it remained perfectly wrong throughout. The vocals for one track actually concluded acapella after the rest of us had played the last note, and even that didn't get a glimmer of concern.

Sold two mustangs, bought this. More soon…. busy right now…. playing

Its time to get serious , Mr Smalls has been on a roll for some time and has just landed himself a double bagger ! Fine work indeed and worthy congratulations are due, but onwards we go with no time to dawdle This month we get to delve into @Leonard Smalls holiday photo album. "This one's a pic from holiday in Mallorca. I asked for apple juice in a bar in Soller and this is what arrived!" Simple rules ✔️ Entries must be <5 minutes and recorded between now and the deadline. ✖️ No illegal samples, copyright infringements or other snide goings-on ✖️ No Bagpipes/panpipes, everyone had the chance last month's last month, so there! ✖️ No voting for your own entry. We'll know. And we'll shame you.. Deadline-wise, we will go for Midnight on the 24th (but probably until tea time 25th) A line or two of blurb as usual for the vote thread will be lovely. Good luck, Have fun

I was reading through the Being in Bands that Broke UP thread, and it occurred to me that i've had a couple of bands break up for the most pathetic and minor reasons. I'd been working for about a year on the late 80s with a brother and sister (guitarist and singer) and a very good young drummer, we'd got demos done and most of an hour set properly sorted, it was well run and well financed, both having been in moderately successful with bands in the late 70's and 80s. The stage show rehearsals were going well and new material was arriving that was better than the current stuff. We had some small company interest etc. etc. The band finished abruptly one morning outside my house when they had a fist-fight in the road over who was going to sit in the middle seat in the front of the bands van... Claret all over the gaff from a busted nose. Apparently they didn't speak for 10 years after that. I was not well pleased. What's the most petty reason your band broke up?

Abject failure from my end. By the end of February I’d bought an Ashdown ABM head, a comfort strap and a Boss BCB-60. Poor effort really from me. Like a bloke in Orthopaedic shoes, I stand corrected.

I’m now running a guitar (right) and bass (left) board as it got annoying having to tweak settings etc. It’s good having the GT1000core upfront with easy access. Makes it much easier to use the looper and tap tempo etc if needed. On the guitar board I’ve got the OC5 set up so Direct signal goes to the OxEAE then Channel 1 on the Dwarf. Then using the other output from the OC5 with the -1 and +1 signal to Channel 2 of the Dwarf. Really cool, means I can run them through separate signal chains and prevent it messing with the OxEAE texture control. Boss stuff gets a lot of stick but they make some great gear.

Think we should lock the thread now - that’s unbeatable

Lefty TM5 the older version Got this in a trade it's an amazing Bass

I thought I loved Freddy more than anyone, but I’ve just parted him out and sold his neck.

We accidentally did a gig in London - supposedly for a friend's party, we weren't expecting the venue to be anything more than a backroom of a pub. But we turned up to find proper stage, sound & light guy, light show, PA speaker stacks that were taller than me., monitor speakers, the drum set got mic'd up and 300+ people turned up. We finished with Duran Duran's "Ordinary World" and out in the crowd was a sea of lighters. Although we didn't formally split up, we never rehearsed or performed again... deep down we knew we'd peaked.

What a strange and unhinged question. I don't have any friends.

When Jim Reilly joined Stiff Little Fingers he sold his kit to get the money to go to the audition. He was offered the job & asked if he had any questions, 'can you fellas lend me a drum kit?'.

With my 40th birthday gig approaching , tragedy struck as our drummer had to unfortunately pull out ,with very little time to get replacement before the gig in question . Invites sent out etc. At the same period in time , I was leaving my place of employment . A very large organisation , spread over many floors . A sales person who vaguely knew of me , heard about my predicament and volunteeered to come to the audition. . The audition was one of the strangest I've ever encountered . I have a lot of respect for drummers obviously , and good ones are hard to find in my experience . Anyaway , the guy was a miserable , arrogant and untalented tool ! He was calling all the shots as to the way he plays . He put on his gloves . ( yes really ) . He then said ,"I only play standing up!" He p@ssed everyone off with his miserable attitude . Of course my mates / band members were asking where I got him from , who is that tw@t etc. When I phoned the ' drummer' to break the news that the original drummer could make it after all , ( my excuse) the 'drummer' was shouting and snapping at me knowing I was lying . That was painful . The other guy we auditioned was a great laugh, a nice guy ...but obsesssed with sex and Thailand . He had a big house in a desirable area, a nice wife and children, big salary etc . However, he had sex with someone in Thailand and wasn't sure if he caught something . Eventually , the wife was told . Game over ! His dad used to run a brothel in the midlands . He eventually married a Thai bride , and imported family members . He played a gig for the guitarists birthday( same lineup) , which he decided to get drunk before we took to the stage . Playing Black Sabbaths Paranoind faster than the stormtroopers of death , wasn't ideal . Shouting at him to slow down fell on deaf ears. He messed up ufo Rock bottom , which is the fist time I attempted it . I was nervous about doing that , but the guitarist insisted we do it as we both love schenker / ufo etc. He was upset . Bizarrely we got approached for wedding gigs , abd others . I may mention the audition for a vocalist , later in the thread 🙂

It's like Hotel California though. I checked out for a while, but as you can see, I didn't leave...

Not an audition but I once went to buy a bass from a guy in West Yorkshire (NOT a member on here, i should add). As soon as he opened the door I recognised him as a man I'd previously investigated for possessing indecent images of kids. In the style of the News of the World, I made my excuses & left.

Needed a guitarist for an original metal band. Got an email from a guy who sent us an mp3 of him playing, he sounded amazing, very technically accomplished. We sent him some of our songs to learn and arranged an audition. He showed up, looked the part, so we suggested we play one of the songs. He started playing the intro riff and it was clear he was not the guy who was playing on the mp3 he sent us. Not great, but we all joined in. We got to the verse and he continued playing the intro riff. Bad times. We got to the chorus and all he seemed to know was the intro riff as that's what he kept playing. Then the drums stopped. No bass solo, instead I looked over and the drummer was hunched over. I could see his shoulders shaking, he was having a fit of the giggles and, with great effort and without looking up once, suggested the bass drum skin had split, it hadn't, and that was it. Five minutes and done. We awkwardly suggested we'd reschedule when, clearly, that was never going to happen. Another odd one was a drummer audition for a different band years before, where the guy showed up with his girlfriend who sat beside him and chain-smoked for the entire duration. Ehhh... no thanks.

Singer left the stage, and the band, halfway through a gig while the stoned guitarist slouched on a stool on stage as he was unable to feel his feet and, more importantly, his hands. Funnily enough, the guitarist wasn't actually the issue.

WOW no way i can compete with the above reasons. Mine was guitarist and keys player coming to blows at a rehearsal. I packed up, walked out and left them to it. They all lived in a very rough area of Glasgow. Was a great band too doing "Friends of Deep Purple" covering anything DP or linked to DP incl Rainbow, Glenn Hughes, Sabbath, Whitesnake. Was really enjoying it up to that point but i could see it developing at rehearsals. For the life of me i can't even remember what it was all about. Another was guitarist/singer broke the band up because he was jealous that i was getting more attention from female fans than he was. That was an odd one as i was always quite shy on stage and not someone that took front of stage easily let alone centre stage. Afraid that's the best i have to offer. Dave

Cher had a number 1 record in The US seven decades in a row. That's pretty impressive.