KingBollock

There’s an irony in this, but I believe I would have made a better drummer than I am a bass player. The irony being that my dad had decided he was going to make his fortune by getting me and my three brothers to be a band that he would manage. He had decided that I was going to play drums. I was upset by this because I wanted a radio controlled monster truck… Anyway, I didn’t want him getting it all his own way, so, being an Iron Maiden and Motörhead fan, I decided that I would play bass instead. I own several instruments. Mandolin, banjo, keyboards, guitars, ukulele, penny whistles, blues harps, ocarina, violin, bodhran, bongos and various other small percussion things. I tend to play them all (the ones that I do actually play) like a bass player. Whenever I say that, people question “How can you play a penny whistle like a bass player?”. The answer is “I don’t know, I just do”… In all honesty, the one thing I have always, for all my life, wanted to be able to do more than anything, is be able to sing. People say things like “Everyone can sing.”. No, not everyone. Not me.

I only ever did a few small gigs when I first started in bands, so I don’t have anything like what people have shared so far. The very first gig wasn’t even with a band, as such. I was about 13. The school orchestra was playing in a church hall for a chicken and dance thing (though there was no dancing) for a bunch of elderly folk. My music class only had 6 people in it, including me, and the teacher thought we should perform a couple of songs. We had a very, very good pianist, a good drummer, me on bass and three girls that couldn’t sing… I can’t remember if we did 2 or 3 songs. The only one I remember for sure was The Locomotion… When I got to the hall, I discovered that my brother had stollen my strap, and no one had one I could borrow. So I ended up playing leaning against a table. I had to have the table because that’s where I had a sheet of music notes for the songs. So I spent the whole time leaning against a table, while looking behind me to see the music. To be fair, the audience loved it, unfortunately. They had found the orchestra quite dull and they wanted us to keep playing, so we ended up playing the same songs again because that’s all be had. Most of my train wrecks were when I was doing Discos, so I don’t want to go on about them here. Except to say that I really hated doing weddings. And about that one New Year’s Eve when I spent the whole night telling a bloke to move away from the pyros, but he just kept coming back. For some bloomin’ stupid reason Bill, the boss, had put the pyro button on the floor, under a table at the back of the stage. Come midnight, there I was, scrunched up under a table, unable to see anything. Midnight comes… Boom! Then screaming as people scattered from the silly billy whose jumper was now on fire!

I always liked the idea of starting a punk band called KingBollock & The Danglies.

Some of the pots and sliders need some attention, but when you’re not moving them it actually sounds surprisingly good, nice and warm. Especially with my passive basses, and even better with flats.

My wife bought me a H H Bass Baby combo last year from an auction. It took both of us to roll it (end over end) up the stairs to my lair. I suffered nasty nerve damage a couple of years ago, which has affected my legs, back and left arm from the shoulder to my thumb, so I can’t even lift the amp in my own. Fortunately we’re moving into a bungalow, and once we’re in I am putting wheels on the amp (I am actually going to make dollies for each of my amps and cabs).

My second bass was a Satellite P Bass, though I don’t remember if it was a neck-through or not. I was given it for free. I really liked it, but I didn’t really understand why anyone would need more than one bass… so I sold it. I loved my first bass so much that I believe, had I been able to keep it, I would still own just one bass.

When I was 12 (also in 1987), what I wanted, more than anything else in all the world, was a radio controlled monster truck, the Tamiya Vanessa’s Lunchbox. But my dad had the idea that he could get rich by making my brothers and me learn to play instruments and play together as a band, that he would manage. For some reason he decided I was going to be a drummer… i knew I was never going to get the truck, but I wasn’t going to let him have it all his way. Being a huge Motörhead and Iron Maiden fan, I decided I wanted to play the bass. I approached my dad with this idea and he admitted that he hadn’t even thought about the bass and that it was a good idea. it was probably the only good thing he ever did for me. I am the only brother that kept playing. I finally got my Lunchbox two years ago and I love it!

Not exactly. I didn’t sell the bass until I was in my twenties. Ironically, there was a period, when I was 18 (just after splitting up with my ex), where I was homeless, but I still managed to hang on to my bass (it was being looked after for me). Everything went to pot after I got married. i only mentioned my 18th because of the cake.

Yeah, this was over twenty years ago, and it still hurts to think about it.

Cash Converters… We got into serious money trouble, through no fault of mine and it’s something I am still bitter about. I loved that bass more than I can express, for more reasons than I want to go into… it was a Westone Raider I in the silver/grey colour scheme. This isn’t mine, I have no photos of mine (and my ex kept the photos of my 18th birthday cake that was made in it’s image). Annoyingly, I just found this photo while Googling, and found it on BassChat from a year ago, where it was pointed out that it hadn’t sold on eBay. If only I had come back to BassChat a year earlier!

You’d hate some of my home made pedals then, they have really pretentious names. Such as: Dank And Fetid Earth Beneath A Doom Coloured Sun, which is two different modded Big Muffs (a Musket and a ‘73 Ram’s Head. Both further modified by me) in one box. And: The Scent Of Red Ruin Borne Upon A Mourning Breeze, which is a heavily modified Body Rot II. Half the fun is coming up with names for them!

When I saw them the crowd were ok. My wife and I went to a pub near to the venue before the gig and it was full of people also waiting for the same gig. The whole place had a fun vibe and there was a great Macc Lads singalong. My wife got serenaded with Julie The Schoolie (despite being 26) every time she went to the bar or the bog, which she though was hilarious. The walk from the pub to the venue was both surreal and menacing, but had nothing to do with the Macc Lads crowd. What I didn’t like was all the snot. We stood right at the back because the air, for three feet above the audience, was solid with spit. It was one of the most horrific things I have ever seen! One particularly large loogy landed on Muttley’s t-shirt and one of the guitarists (I can’t remember who) sucked it off… I nearly threw up! It was then that I understood the reference to Muttley looking like a Christmas tree on the Live At Leeds (The Who?) album.

He was the cause of my first ever case of piles! I’m not even joking! He was supposed to be supporting the Macc Lads when I saw them, but he never turned up. I sat on that cold, hard Wulfrun Hall floor for two and a half hours before the Macc Lads finally got on stage! i was really looking forward to him, too, because he had songs on early Macc Lads demos/EPs.

When I was a kid, around 1990ish, I was asked what my ideal bass would be. At the time BC Rich didn’t actually make what I described, which was basically the Warlock NT with the Widow headstock. When they did make them they only did for ten years, but I wasn’t in a position to buy one. Then, one day, one turned up on eBay for £215 including postage (which also included a Warwick coffin case that wasn’t mentioned in the advert). It was a gamble because that was still a lot of money for me, and the photos were terrible. I had no real idea what condition it was in. Cosmetically it was perfect. However… When it came it was unplayable. The action was like a suspension bridge and must have come out of the factory like that. Being a neck-through, I couldn’t shim it, and I couldn’t find a new bridge thin enough. I tried making new saddles from aluminium, but they were so thin that I struggled to tap them for the screws without deforming them. In the end I ground the bottom off the existing saddles and that fixed it. I also struggled to find strings that it liked until last year when I decided to try a really light (40 - 100) set. And now it plays and sounds ace. There are things I would like to do to it, but I don’t really have to. I like the idea of a more versatile preamp, but I don’t think there’s room in the cavity. I also like the look of the DiMarzio DP127 blade pickups, but I don’t know if they would sound right, it’s just the look I would be going for. But it would need two sets. So none of that will probably ever happen. However, I would like a Hipshot D-Tuner on it, which would mean matching the other machine heads. I almost certainly will do that. So, after saying all that, it’s not perfect, yet, but I love it.

Yup, Chubby Brown is still touring. I, too, am a fan of Frankie Boyle. I like Jimmy Carr as well. One thing I really like about both of those is that they genuinely enjoy humour. That might sound like a strange thing to say, but some comedians never seem to laugh, but watching Jimmy and Frankie corpsing to something they’ve just heard is a joy to see.

Thanks! It’s good to be back.

That’s good to hear. I can’t remember specifically what he’d said, but I got the impression of a grumpy old bloke complaining about immigrants. But then I am happy to be wrong.

Are your parents Stevie Wonder and Paul McCartney?

I used to love Chubby Brown when I was a kid (my mum used to practically wet herself at that funny little dance he does). But I remember seeing a documentary about him years ago and being really disappointed that his “views” didn’t stay on the stage. He actually reminded me of my dad… I had a similar thing with the Macc Lads. I saw a couple of their more recent gigs on YouTube and Mutley came across just as bigoted as their music suggests. Without the “excuse” of youth, it seemed really sad, unfortunately. Mind you, I’ve been listening to them for 34 years and don’t want to stop. I might not be an actual bigot (I hope) but I am a hypocrite.

It seems like an odd thing to say, but Dani’s lyrics are often romantic, even beautiful. Even when he’s singing about serial killers!

I truly believe that Dani Filth is an astoundingly good lyricist. A true master at what he does.

That was the first Macc Lads album I ever heard. I was 12 and I have been listening to them ever since. They’re brilliant for singalongs on long car journeys. I actually had their entire discography, including all of the demo/ep cassettes, such as Bog & Roll Circus, but I lent them to someone and never saw them again. I got to see the Macc Lads only once, in 1995. Too much snot for my liking. I was going to mention Stephen Lynch, too (Kevin Bloody Wilson and Rodney Carrington also). For some reason I can tolerate almost anything if you dress it up with some clever lyrics and put it to music.

I had taken a break from BassChat starting sometime in 2017, but I started lurking a few weeks ago. I was sent a message by Lurksalot asking me to pop in as a couple of people were asking after me. To be honest this really surprised me. I can’t remember exactly why I left, but I think it was because I felt that I was being too miserable and not really contributing as a bass player. The one person I was really sad to see no longer here was iCastle. However, there have been mentions of several people in this thread whose presence I enjoyed (I am just really, really bad at remembering names, so didn’t know to miss them, if you see what I mean). I am not sure coming back right now (considering the reason I left) is such a good idea. Christmas has done a proper number on me (it always does, but this year seems particularly difficult for some reason), and we’re also in the middle of moving house, which I am finding incredibly stressful. We’ll see how it goes. One good thing about the house move is that I am getting a much larger hobby room, part of which I want to turn into a miniature home recording studio. So I may well have to start asking here for advice.

The best time to plant a tree is thirty years ago. The second best time is now.

[quote name='EliasMooseblaster' timestamp='1508499081' post='3392595'] Gordon Bennett! At least it might make a good backup if your boiler's struggling this winter! [/quote] It's just one of those gun shaped ones with a trigger. Back in the early nineties, I briefly worked at a place repairing mobile phones. Mobile phones back then weren't quite as small and delicate as they are now, but they were still pretty delicate. The soldering iron we used looked just like any other soldering iron, but it was 120W and, apparently, cost the owner several hundred quid.