4000

Extremely sad news. ☹️

Yes, they do. But the sticking plaster analogy is weak. I’ve already pointed out that, speaking personally, I’ve been trying to address the deeper issues with professional help for many years now, and as they mostly relate to a life-threatening event from when I was a very small child (with another as an adult), I will possibly be dealing with them in some way or other for the rest of my life. In the meantime, like many people, in order to get through the day I try to focus on the things I love and care deeply about, which, as I said, help to make things more bearable. They don’t fix them altogether, obviously. But they help to just about tip the balance towards staying alive rather than taking that final step and calling it a day, which is a line I’ve walked for several years now. If you’re in constant pain, you take painkillers. They may not take the pain away entirely, but they generally help a bit. Or don’t you understand that? That seems like a pretty simple concept. From your comments, you seem to think music isn’t that important in the scheme of things. Well if it isn’t to you, that’s fine, that’s your opinion, your choice, your life. But while there may be many, many people who probably agree with you, there are many, many people who would disagree. Maybe you should think about the fact that you don’t speak for everybody. Speaking personally, music (and art and literature) give me a reason to be alive. Without them, so far as I’m concerned, there probably isn’t much of one. I’m not saying you should feel the same. Your life isn’t mine, just as mine isn’t yours. I have to say, you come across as having a very poor grasp of what people suffering from mental illness actually go through on a day to day basis (and I’m certainly not just speaking for myself here), given your supposed ‘knowledge’ .I find that rather worrying. And to be honest (and apologies for those who hate people being offended by “stuff”) I’m deeply offended by your earlier casual “take a chill pill” advice/attitude, like everyone in the world is able to do that. Try telling that to my friend’s son. I’m also somewhat irritated by your “I just write stuff, forget about it and move on” comment (and yes, I’m aware of your Alzheimer’s comment and I’m very sorry to hear about that - I worked in a hospital with 2 ESMI wards for a few years and 3 people close to me have parents suffering with Alzheimer’s) - because some of us can’t. In fact, given I’ve just yesterday come out of hospital after having an op, I’m not even sure why I’m wasting my time responding anymore. I already tried to get you to simply agree to disagree on the basis that we obviously don’t see eye to eye and probably never will, but you seem to be pretty happy to keep prodding. However I’m no longer happy to keep responding. Please talk to someone else. And all this because I said that I was hard on myself……🙄

Thanks for the post. FWIW I’ve had several courses of CBT and it has never worked for me, in much the same way as meditation sadly hasn’t. It was during my last course of CBT that they identified that many of my issues appeared to be more related to my PTSD and thus sent me for EMDR therapy. As people who have suffered with PTSD may be aware, the ridiculous adrenal response in that is one of the many challenging aspects. How often do you take the Propranolol?

Again, you’re running away with it. The clue is in the word “bearable”. 😉

You can say that again!😂

Although what any of that has to do with performance anxiety, I really have no idea……🙄

So we’re not going to leave it then? Oh well. I tried.🙄 Who said everyone else was happy? You’re projecting again. And not everyone, in any sphere, takes pride in what they’re doing, I don’t know where you’ve got that from. I’ve seen all sorts of people in all sorts of jobs and roles who take no pride in their work whatsoever; in fact I deal with it on a daily basis. It even used to be my full-time job, analysing and fixing the mistakes of others. Regardless, I like to encourage people to aim high, as I try to myself, within whatever limitations we all have. You may not get there, but if you get half way there that’s something. You’re doing exactly what you seem to be trying to imply I’m doing, which is measuring everyone with your yardstick. In the band, two of us write the songs. I’m one of those people, so I do think my opinion matters, particularly when performing my material. But I let stuff go all the time. However you seem to be advocating a lowest common denominator approach, which I’m afraid I simply don’t believe in. With regards to the arrogance thing, you’re judging me by how you perceive stuff that I write on an Internet forum, where nuance is often lost. Maybe I don’t always get my point across with the nuance that I intend. Again, I try but I likely often fail. But maybe you should also have a think and see if you’re reading between the lines a bit. FWIW I have loads of people around me who will quite happily tell me if I’m being a knob. You don’t live where I live and get away with that without being told and I also happily encourage people to do so. Im 58, and as I’ve already stated, suffer with chronic and crippling anxiety, depression and PTSD. I would love nothing more than to “not take it so heavy”, as I’m sure would many other people in similar positions, including some of my friends who were in the Forces (I wasn’t, just to be clear) and are now struggling with severe PTSD. Unfortunately that isn’t an option for them or for me, although it’s something I’m trying to work towards. If I truly was arrogant, surely I wouldn’t have admitted I needed help in the first place, or come on here saying how terrified I often am when performing live. My friend’s son committed suicide aged 21, two years ago. I’m sure he would have liked to “not take it so heavy” too, as would all the many others like him. It’s an ideal obviously, but for some it’s simply not that easy. You mentioned earlier about how insignificant making music is compared to all the other stuff going on in the world. But for me, and others like me, it’s the coping mechanism that enables us to deal with all that stuff. Which is why it matters so much to me, because without it I am truly lost. That’s why I care about it so much; that’s why to me it is so important. Because it’s one of the few things that makes everything else bearable. Also, when it comes down to it, and as you touched on earlier, I take pride in what I do and how well I at least try to do it. If you take pride then there’s a level below which you don’t want things to drop. Of course that’s going to vary from person to person. I completely understand - and frequently do - compromise. But to go beyond compromise to where you’re actively unhappy with something? Why should you drop your standards below a level that is acceptable to you simply because someone else has a lower standard? In the case of my band they’re playing my music, after all. They’re close friends who have known me for decades and are perfectly free to opt out if they’re not happy with how I see things. If they wish to, that’s not a problem. And ultimately I have to agree with Alan Garner and his grandad, who once said, “Always take as long as the job tells you! It will be there when you’re not and you don’t want people saying: What fool made that?”😉

I say to myself, “if it’s not perfect, it’s not good enough”, not to anyone else. Of course I never achieve it, but that is the issue I was pointing out as an issue that I have to deal with. How is that arrogant? It’s not something I’m happy with, it’s my own little cross to bear. Turning your argument on its head, what happens if a gig - or rehearsal or recording - is a shambles and someone else in the band is perfectly happy and I’m not? Should I just suck that up? If that’s the case, how does the band get better? One of the guys in the band credits my positive criticism with upping his game. I would hope that there’s a balance to be met. But that doesn’t mean I’m not still going to be hard on myself. I get the impression from some of your posts that you seem to have issues with me for some reason - it’s not the first time you’ve said I come across as arrogant, which anyone who knows me well would be pretty quick to disagree with - and if the case then that’s fair enough. And maybe you don’t feel that way and I’m wrong. But just like I don’t know you, you don’t know me, so let’s just leave it at that yes? 🙄

Well I’m certainly not going to use you! 😂 You appear the have missed the emojis, and implying that I may be unpleasant to people because I’m hard on myself is greatly appreciated, as is throwing a strop when things don’t measure up (when I’m actually more likely to be utterly down). I’m actually quite capable of measuring people by their standards and not mine. Thanks anyway. 🙄

Except your soul.😂 2 factors with me. Half the set (and in previous bands often all of it) is music I’ve written so I’m invested in that. Secondly, and more importantly, I’m incredibly hard on myself with pretty much everything. Always have been. If it’s not perfect, it’s not good enough. Yes, I realise that’s an issue, and it’s part of why I’ve been in therapy for years. 😂

I’ve always suffered dreadfully with performance anxiety/stage fright. I’m glad you’ve pointed out that it’s nothing to do with preparation, because I’ve continually read people saying that if you’re prepared you’ll be fine, and speaking personally it has absolutely nothing to do with it. There have been many instances where I could play everything I need to in my sleep, back to front and inside out, and yet soon as I get on stage I’m a complete nervous wreck and everything goes out of the window. It is absolutely about managing the heightened stress, which for people like me can be off the chart, completely out of proportion to what is actually happening. I’ll add that I suffer with chronic anxiety and PTSD anyway. I’d be interested to know what worked for you because I haven’t found anything yet - other than the aforementioned alcohol, which I try to avoid as much as possible - that helps. Breathing exercises, actual pre-gig exercise, meditation; none of them work for me. A couple of years ago we did a local gig as a support for something that was being filmed by the BBC. We weren’t shown in the end, but I was utterly terrified. I was frozen. I could barely move my fingers and the experience was hideous. How I got through it I don’t know. I’ll add here that I hate anything to do with adrenalin, which makes me feel physically ill. The buzz that most people get playing live is not what I experience at all, it’s more like being in a car crash.

I only have to look in the mirror! 😂

One of my friends/band members is massively into reggae; I’m sure he’d pull me up about it if I wasn’t doing it right. After all, I do the same to him with other stuff. 😂 I don’t get the age issue either. Most of the jazz crowd that my dad knew and/or played with - who I grew up knowing and listening to - were playing until they dropped, and still playing very well at that, for the most part. My dad had to eventually give up because his lip went (he played trumpet and flugelhorn) but he was into his ‘80s by that point.

I’m not sure that’s true. I’ve never immersed myself in reggae - the nearest I really got was The Police - but I can play it fine. Obviously not Family Man level fine, but still. To me, playing any style is about having decent ears and an open mind as much as anything.

Awesome! Like CV said above, I too had a period of adjustment re the looks but soon decided that they look great. And that is THE best colour. Sadly I don’t find them comfortable - my usual right arm issue - otherwise I’d have had one myself long ago.

The reason I’ve always gravitated towards Rics is because I love how they sound the higher up they go. Most other basses, not so much. But still, I just find that baffling, although obviously it’s your choice.

Unsurprisingly, I was just about to post exactly the same thing! Most of my favourite players, in most of my favourite bands, use the entire fretboard. Why wouldn’t you?

I played some Victory’s back in the day. Didn’t like them at all.

I spend more time up there than in the first five!

I had one of these for a while. It was a very nice bass. Not quite as nice as my Westone Quantum, but better than some far, far more expensive basses I’ve owned. In fact I once (late ‘80s?) tried every bass in A1 Music in Manchester, which at the time had a lot of gear, and a Hohner Jack came out tops.

I was due to see her year before last, IIRC. I was gutted it was cancelled as I spent ages trying to get a ticket.

The Walking Bass? 😉

I thought the Clash utterly sucked, and I never rated Simonon at all.

I wouldn’t. 😂