We just use google calendar, you can just knock up a free account and subscribe to it from anything.
Yeh, I wouldn't be doing that.
They want to be in a band or they don't, so either they leave or I leave, I can't be bothered to put up with that attitude, I would just go and find a band that wanted to play. There is enough hassle being in a band without that.
I admire anyones patience if they put up with that more than once.