Happy Jack

I'm in the lucky position that my band only plays one song which is a real struggle even on a 5-string (Radar Love in E, with loads of passing grace notes on the D), so I bring along a 4-string tuned D-G-C-F which works perfectly for the song. That also means that I get to use my 'spare' bass at every gig, so I don't resent carrying around something I never use.

Contact Kris Kedzior (KK), he lives in Staines and will happily let you come and try one.

If you're after an upright bass with the DB feel but considerably more sturdy and gig-resistant, check out the KK Baby Bass range, which is a development of the original Ampeg design. Not cheap, but you could reverse your Transit over one and chances are it would survive. Might need to re-set the bridge, though ...

Softly, with her love ...

On the main drag, near the northern end of town. It's a pretty big place - that hall is the main music area but there's plenty more besides. Intriguingly, they only ever seem to book their bands a month in advance - they don't do the "sorry, we're fully booked until next year" thing. Really nice club, very friendly people, well into their music.

Really sorry to hear this - had a lot of time for Colin.

I remember the days when they were the House Support Band at the Hammersmith Odeon ... it didn't seem to matter who was headlining, the support act was always Stray!

Watch as we start a classic rock'n'roll song! Be amazed at the speed with which the dance floor fills up! See the dancer with the flailing hands! Gasp as she inadvertently unplugs @MacDaddy and his pedals and sweeps the cable onto the dance floor! Applaud as @MacDaddy makes a death-defying leap onto the dance floor to retrieve his cable! Laugh as the band has to go around the solo again!

Remember to take chewing gum. It will help prevent you from grinding your teeth when you watch them setting up the PA ...

I've yet to see a riverbank with wi-fi ...

I used to play CM0102 ... does that count?

So what we're saying is that Bohemian Rhapsody has nothing to do with the Czech Republic?

That's not you in the bikini? My dreams ... shattered ...

Yup, that works for me. In fact, you don't need to pick up an instrument. By the time I was 11 I was singing in three choirs and a choral society. I was a musician. People tend to over-think this.

OK lads, the heavy mob's arrived. Make with the new section already ...

If you're working on your own, what is the benefit of Trello over, say, pieces of paper or Post-it notes? That's not a disguised criticism - I'm actually quite curious.

Above all, ensure that whatever bass you buy is the 2013 model. That avoids having to buy a YOB bass later ...

How's your new phone?

In February 2008 I was getting frustrated with never having played an actual gig, despite being in two (so-called) bands for six months. I signed up for Weekend Warriors with ICMP in Kilburn but it turned out I'd missed the deadline. I took the family off for a long weekend in Istanbul in March, and we were strolling between Ayia Sofia and the Blue Mosque when my phone rang ... they were desperately short of bass players and would I join anyway. It was like the line-up from The Usual Suspects. I was put with four (yes, four) guitarists and - since they'd also run out of drummers - we were assigned one of the ICMP's students as our drummer. The four were: 40s Australian computer programmer with a bad back, into Guns 'n'Roses, could play pretty well, sang pretty well. 40s American project manager with a very bad back (following a life-threatening car crash the previous year) and industrial-strength painkillers, into Aerosmith, could play pretty well when he could think straight but could never remember the words. 50s Brit who spent his life as an ex-pat engineer servicing weapons systems in the Middle East and Far East, liked the blues, reasonable guitarist. 60s Brit who spent his life as a deep-sea diver on off-shore oil-rigs, possibly the worst guitarist in history, but incredibly nice and as enthusiastic as a new puppy. The drummer was, of course, in his early 20s and was by far the best musician in the room. They supplied an excellent, really high-class rehearsal space, PA and backline, and we brought our instruments. For the very first session one of their guys helped us set up the PA - the real basics like setting the gain and EQ. Then we were on our own, and the first thing we had to do was work out what "a sound check" was and how to do it. As a crash course in how to be in a band it was bloody wonderful, seriously. No way could I have learned so much, so quickly, by doing endless rehearsals in someone's garage. We all chucked ideas for songs into the middle and argued about them (we probably went to the pub once or twice) and we ended up with a thoroughly motley selection that no covers band with an ounce of sanity would choose but hey - that's what we wanted to do. Three of us could sing a bit so we split the songs between us to share the load, no actual lead singer as such. After four rehearsals it was obvious that the diver was a dead weight on the band, utterly clueless, strumming away timelessly in the wrong key on an acoustic guitar, but he was so transparently in love with the project, and such a lovely guy, that the rest of us all felt that we could afford to carry him. Then the weapons engineer had a heart attack and the Yank upped his meds. I'm not making any of this up, really I'm not. Suddenly the band became the Aussie and me with a student drummer, plus a stoned lead guitarist and a rhythm guitarist who had no rhythm and couldn't play guitar. Oops. We played our showcase on 29th May 2008 at The Luminaire in Kilburn High Road. Before the gig, we had a quiet word with the sound guy and explained the problem, and he obligingly turned down the sound on the diver's guitar as soon as we started our set. The remaining 4-piece band actually acquitted itself pretty damn well, and at least as well as any of the other Weekend Warrior bands on the bill. I had a truly excellent time, learned a helluva lot about music, about bands, about band politics. Even now, nearly 11 years later, that remains my first-ever live gig. I also learned why you should never let the rest of the band spend time together without you. We hooked up for our first big discussion at The Horniman pub in The Galleria on the South Bank. When the time came to choose a name, it was pretty much inevitable that we'd choose The Hornimen. After I left, the band continued drinking. For some time apparently. The next day I took a very embarrassed phone call from the Aussie. The band had decided to choose another name and we were now ... The Squishy Fish. You couldn't make it up. Only they did.

Welcome aboard Max. Have you done House Band duties before? If not, you need to be aware that at most jams the members of the House Band are expected to lend their instruments to players who have turned up without their own, and that at every jam those players will be using your backline - i.e. those two little amps of yours. If your bass is a 1963 Fender worth £8000 you may want to think that through! More seriously, any amp solution that involves "being careful" with the controls may not survive contact with jammers. I've done very few jazz jams, but at blues jams and certainly at rock jams it's more or less obligatory for players to walk on stage and start twiddling knobs to get "their sound". At one jam where I was the House Band bass I spent the entire evening just off stage ready to leap on again and turn things down as necessary. You could do worse than to keep an eye out for a cheap & ratty old Trace Elliot or Peavey combo, something pretty much bullet proof but that you wouldn't be too upset about if it gets wrecked.

Did you place your order three months ago? And was there a queue?

Astonishing that no one has mentioned the enormous boost that Sid Vicious gave to a little-known dirge by someone called Frank Sinatra ...

Defensive is my middle name, Michael. I'm famous for it. That, and my paranoia.

Partly because we're really quite good at what we do, and partly because we get our volume levels right, the George IV have given us five gigs in 2019. Paid gigs at popular venues are the best possible metric. On balance, Michael, I reckon there's nowt wrong with the volume in that clip.

I've just posted a new PA-related thread in (as suggested) Accessories & Misc and I have to say it feels even stranger than last time. Ric/Ped - I do think this idea has some logic to it, y'know.