Happy Jack

Come on guys, we all know who this is, and he's been doing this for many years. It's cheap publicity. He posts the most outrageous piece of cr4p he has in stock with the most outrageous price tag he can dream up, then sits back and waits for online addicts to take the bait. I've admired his work for ages.

And don't forget: Tour Paedo (Gary Glitter tribute) The Damp Budgies (not-very-good Welsh heavy metal) Clyde's Enormous Erection (bunch of scaffolders) etc.

I'm glad you explained that, Steve. I was deeply puzzled ...

Bumped by request.

[Ignorance alert] What do you mean by "Kick In, Kick Out", Russ? [/Ignorance]

At which point you whip out your smartphone, plug it into the PA in the rehearsal room, play them the original to prove that you're right and they're wrong ... and end up wondering why you didn't get the gig.

Agreed ... in principle. But there are certain tracks where there is no single 'original' version which everyone subscribes to. I'm old enough to remember when Honky Tonk Women was in the charts, and that - to me - is the original. Pretty much every band I've ever played in thinks that the live version from Get Yer Yay-Yas Out is the original. Mind you, I'm always tempted to play the bass line from Country Honk anyway.

What mic would you recommend for the Rank Organisation gong hanging behind the drummer?

So it's dangerous to unplug your bass unless you switch off the amp first? Shurely shome mishtake?

Can you get black frets?

But you have to wonder how this would have played out had the Helper From The Audience been a bald, fat bloke ...

No, no, no ... it's tone perspex.

Thing is, I'm not after 'enough watts'. I'm after 'enough volume'.

I guess I must be the only person here who didn't know that Stevie Wonder wrote Superstition for Jeff Beck ...

Who are Paramore? Are they famous? Why?

Just use Tippex (aka Sno-Pake, White-Out, etc.).

I once spent a very amusing couple of hours in the old PA Centre in Denmark Street (before Wunjo Bass moved down there) proving to my own satisfaction that there is no practical way to 'test' how good you sound through various microphones by simply singing into them. Ultimately, you have either have to record yourself and listen back later, or have someone whose ears you really trust in the shop with you. I came out of the shop with a Beta 57 and used it for a year, decided the E835 suited my voice better and used that for a year, then changed my mind and started using the 57 again. My vocal technique is very poor, and involves having my lips touching the mesh. This is not recommended.

Some things just never get old, do they?

Try running it though a Fishman Pro Plat ... you'll be amazed.

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Mine doesn't sound as good as either my Matamp GT100 (100W all-valve, worth £1000) or my Genz-Benz Shuttle 9.2 (900W Class D with full bells & whistles, worth maybe £700). Funny that. On t'other hand, it's actually more than adequate for many of the gigs I play, and it's so tiny that taking it as a spare is a no-brainer. It was cheap, too. If this amp didn't exist, it would be necessary to invent it.

She's working on me, Roger.