Happy Jack

She's working on me, Roger.

http://www.feldmanns-singende-saege.de

Can I just say how relieved I am that it is "Underway using Engine". It would be quite worrying if they were using the oars ...

Now this is a whole nother thang, the 'audience outside, band inside' nonsense. Even in my short (10-year) gigging life, I've encountered this more times than I'd have believed possible. Having played to an empty room, you get a constant stream of punters on their way to the Gents as you're breaking down, and they all say how great you were, and you think, "well where the f*** were you while we were playing, mate?". This pic was taken over five years ago, where the entire audience (in the pub) comprised a Border Collie. Meanwhile there were 50 people in the car park enjoying the unseasonal heatwave in October.

Ah yes, We Have A Nightmare.

The ones made in Yorkshire are branded Ibagum.

And the song goes on for FAR too long anyway ... just suggest they chop out the whole Slash-solo nonsense that makes up the second half of it.

So? Well? We're all on tenterhooks, y'know!

Pah! Call that a crowd? We've got the World Cup coming up, which means that our pub gigs starts to look like this:

Don't be a pain, Douglas. Woe there! Bilingual puns ... what is this site coming to?

Imagine a box or package whose dimensions are not a million miles away from a Fender hard case in a cardboard box. Doesn't matter what it really is, that gives you a decent steer as to what I'm talking about. This box or package is in New York, in the possession of a well-known, reliable, and completely trust-worthy seller. This is someone I've dealt with before. The seller provides an estimate of $800 - $950 to ship it to me in London. Bear in mind that the exchange rate today is £1.00 = $1.40. Erm ... what? Shurely shome mishtake. That's enough money to buy me a return ticket from Heathrow to JFK and collect in person. The seller checks, an replaces his estimate with an actual quote. The very cheapest he can manage is $733, which is with a UPS economy service. He sends me a copy of the UPS quote. OK, that gives me everything I need to run the same request, but using the UK website for UPS of course. So ... precisely the same dimensions & weight, the same origin and destination but flipped around so I'm shipping to him, and up comes a screenful of options using various UPS services. The most expensive one there is £183, the cheapest is £135. I take a screenshot and email it to the seller. The seller re-runs his own request and also takes a screenshot of his screenful of options. He sends me his screenshot. The cheapest option is $733, the most expensive is $1200-ish. That's the same package, being sent by the same courier firm, almost certainly on the same aircraft. If he sends it to me, it costs me £524 (i.e. $733 / 1.40). If I send it to him, it costs him £135. Only it doesn't cost me £524, of course. I have to pay 3.7% Import Duty on the entire cost of the package, including courier costs, so that makes it £543. Only it doesn't cost me £543, of course. I have to pay 20% VAT on the entire cost of the package, including courier costs and Import Duty, so that makes it £652. I can't help but feel that I must be missing something ...

He's small and Scottish ... they're the worst.

In the 70s it was considered dreadfully uncool to actually watch the support act at all. You were supposed to spend their set in the bar, or chatting up the merchandise girls, or having a joint in the toilets, pretty much anything rather than be seen watching a support act. Being young and naive I didn't understand all this, and therefore saw some great acts who I probably wasn't supposed to see ... Alberto y Los Trios Paranoias, Stray, etc.

You've seen Coldplay, then?

What, and have HHH coming after me with his chopper raised? Bwahahahahaha!!!

Ah now, the big advantage of open mics is that the audience is also the other performers. If they make a racket during your 'turn', revenge is just around the corner.

So it was jazz, basically?

Now that's entertainment ...

All fair enough, but ultimately it's our job to entertain them. If I'm being ignored by the punters then it might be because they're all self-obsessed, selfish Mr and Mrs Silly Billy who should have been drowned at birth. Or it might be because I'm not doing enough to entertain them. Just saying ...

I bought this: 'Twas a long time ago now ...

Depends whether the video is shot in a post-industrial landscape, I guess.