skankdelvar

A raised eyebrow or a diffident nod will scarcely pierce a drummer's mental carapace. You need some energetic back-swing with sufficient movement from the waist that he thinks you're about to head-butt him. The latter may sometimes be necessary so remember to always keep the forehead low.

My heart was in my mouth as I sidled into the crowded room wearing nothing more than a smear of lipstick, a tri-lobal posing pouch and a pair of shiny, patent leather dance pumps.

First steel string I bought was a cheapo Italian Eros 606 Dakota. Basically it's an EKO copy with a bolt-on neck; it cost me £38 new in 1978. I've still got it, covered in stickers, crack in the waist, strung up for Nashville high tuning. Just discovered Page used one to track 'Thank You' on Zep 2. God knows why when he must have had much nicer guitars he could have used NB: Different sound hole decoration on mine...

Now's the time to spring like a panther: send your drummer down to audition. When he gets the gig he can tell them he'll only join if he can bring his friend (you) in on bass. Then you both turn up for the rehearsal and sack the other band members. Then book some gigs in this band's name; leave it a while then cancel them at the last minute while savagely insulting the bookers down the phone. Then announce the band is folding. Arm long, vengeance total. Proper job.

Indeed they do. Interesting factoid: Despite being based on a traditional song (elements of which may date back to the 18th century) and pretty much knocked into shape by Leadbelly, the Ram Jam version is credited by at least one forum to no fewer than 16 individuals including Hamish Stuart and Steve Ferrone. Perhaps these are arrangement credits designed to share the plaudits. Or something.

As I understand it the words ar$e, junk and slut have also prompted nervous broadcasters to whip out the bleep button around Christmas time. And just as well; these are words that could quite clearly bring society to its knees. So let's just substitute 'sit-upon', 'dangerous drugs' and 'a person exercising their right to (either sequentially or simultaneously) engage in coition with multiple partners. It's for the best.

I suspect even the stoutest foe of Bowdlerisation might demur at chirpily singing the N-Word down the Frog and Spigot. Besides, where's the opportunity? Off the top of my head I can only think of one song that might be played by a pub covers band and which contains the offending term, this being Mr Elvis Costello's hit single 'Oliver's Army'. Difficult to pull off without the big piano sounds, though. It is vaguely amusing that we have come so far in deploring a word that - by coyly abbreviating it - we edge towards the view that things are getting better. Perhaps the next step will be to drop the letter N and refer to it simply as 'the word'. Everyone will feel so much better. Yet the bitter, abhorrent and vengeful sentiments that underpin the N-word are just as alive and well today as if the tacit prohibition did not apply. If we are truthful, many of us do really very little about the causes and outcomes of racism beyond fervent public expressions of disdain for the practice; rather, we accommodate ourselves to prevailing opinion by making tiny adjustments to old song lyrics, this in the self-interested hope that we can continue to play a song we like without fear of 'get(ting) a kicking'.

Agathis, agathat, push pineapple, shake the tree. It's all bollocks.

One might reasonably contend that the modern incarnation of the blues is Rap, sometimes of the gangsta variety. Performers who are perceived as a threat to polite society; rhythmic intensity; an avoidance of melodic development; lyrical preoccupations with women, 'bragging', substance abuse, a struggle against oppression and poverty; and a tendency to early and sometimes violent death among the prominent exponents of the form.

Steel Panther concept - The Tap speak out:

Compromise: put a Cabronita pickguard on it.

Special Free Offer Here's my handy cut-out-and-keep guide to 'How To React to Steel Panther':

The joyous paradox at the heart of the Steel Panther phenomenon is that the act savagely satirises sexist morons while attracting bitter opprobrium from earnest one-step thinkers eager to display their opposition to moronic sexism. Moreover, what of those rawk'n'roll fans who think the band's actually for real and who applaud the sexism, yee-haw? Are those individuals the primary target or just collateral damage? Indeed, where does one stand if one if one enjoys the fact that other people are offended by Steel Panther precisely because their offence is founded on a shallow reading of the proposition and a consequent rush to judgement which leads their foot unerringly to the landmine? Does it make one a 'bad' person if one slaps one's thigh when knee-jerk evaluations lead people to make fools of themselves? I suppose almost any kind of reaction to the band - knowing or unknowing, positive or negative - could be seen as taking the bait. For myself, while no great fan I enjoy the music I've heard and the reaction they provoke. Which makes me just another sucker, I suppose.

Apart from the fact that - if anything - the Pistols purportedly embraced nihilism and anarchy (while MacLaren raked in the cash), the main objections would seem to me to be (i) the probability that no promoter would book you for fear of a riot kicking off (ii) you'd probably have to change your home address on a weekly basis (iii) thousands of people would pile into your social media platform and try to get you sacked from your day job (iv) some hard-core EDL lads might turn up to any gig you might somehow mount and they're actually fairly f**king scary so when you tell them you're mainly doing it for the controversy value they might express their displeasure at the perceived levity with which you might seem to be approaching their cause by administering at best a severe talking-to and at worst a savage physical beating. Shortly after which the Antifa might stroll by and give what's left of your band a serious kicking. So, yes, great idea.

To my certain recollection the term vocalist has been around for years. It may now perhaps be gaining in popularity but I prefer the term: 'the annoying bastard at the front with his idiotic music stand and his crap jokes; who arrives last, leaves first and seldom buys a round; the man whose wife is in a permanent state of (i) illness (ii) vexation (iii) pregnancy; he who never scores a gig except free gigs; and his stupid hat.'

AFAIK, all Poly apart from the face of the headstock which is why it goes that sort of David Dickinson colour. (Edit: just looked at other thread and someone's already pointed this out).

Playing beach cricket.

That's a fine suggestion. * 'Real singers don't use music stands' * 'Don't we usually do this in G?' * 'Have I passed the audition?' * 'You don't need a full Marshall stack in a pub' * 'There's no money above the fifth fret' * 'I didn't have time to learn this one' * 'No, it's not a "big guitar" ' * 'You can have a go on my bass if I can have a go on your girlfriend'.

I am up for a BassChat tri-lobal posing pouch in orange and black. As long as it's under a tenner, shipping included.

Remember him like this:

RE: getting sponsorship. Don't approach any potential sponsors until after all the snags have been ironed out, the podcasts have been running successfully for a while, there's some firm audience stats, a planned 'broadcast' schedule for the next 3-6 months and some quality material available to be cut down for inclusion in a sales pack. One blows one's best chance if one goes to the market too early or unprepared

It's good to keep one's finger on the pulse.

Surely, playing with dynamics is sometimes a BIG THING and sometimes a little thing?