skankdelvar

And another thing: [b]Guitar pedal-boards the size of an aircraft carrier[/b]: If you can't do it with just a Telecaster and a Blues Junior then go somewhere else, you talentless c**k. [b]100w Marshall guitar stacks[/b]: Small amps don't give you the 'tone'. Only effeminate losers gig with 15w valve combos [b]Compressors for Bass[/b]: You fool. [i]You complete fool[/i]. Everyone knows it's all in the fingers [b]Stage Banners[/b]: You [i]want[/i] the audience to know who you are? And where to find you? So those inbred mutants can come round and eat you with their pointy teeth? [b]Smoke Machines[/b]: Only if you play Smoke On The Water. Or a Smokie medley (see medleys above) [b]Playing 'Happy Birthday'[/b]: Yeah. And why not jump out of a f**king cake wearing a bikini while you're at it? [b]Playing requests[/b]: Don't grovel to the bastards. Ask them if they own the CD. Then tell them to sod off home and listen to it, then [b]Being nice to the soundman[/b]: F**k 'em if they never learned to play an instrument. That makes them your servant. And - no - they don't get access to 'band pussy'. [b]Being nice to pub landlords[/b]: Essential. Without them you wouldn't have the benefit of all that 'exposure' [b]Being nice to the audience[/b]: What is this? Group therapy or something? Treat 'em mean, keeps 'em keen. Just like women, really.

Certain things which are not acceptable in guitar bands: * [b]Headstock tuners[/b]: Popular with airy-fairy, pinko folkies* and sensitive singer-songwriter types. If you can't tune by ear use a pedal tuner. Or grow a pair. * [b]Hats[/b]: If you're a slap-head, don't hide it - embrace it. Think exotic headwear makes you look interesting? That's too heavy a lift for one little hat. * [b]Onstage[/b] [b]Banter[/b]: Unless your frontman is naturally funny (as opposed to laughable) tell him to zip it. No one laughs. And [i]you[/i]? You're not as funny as he is. * [b]Medleys[/b]: Unless you're playing a supper club ... just ... no. * [b]Reggae / Country / Metal versions of current pop hits[/b]: See above * [b]Encores[/b]: Only permissible if you actually [i]leave[/i] the corner of the pub into which you are shoe-horned. Otherwise it's not an encore - it's just another song. * [b]Encores[/b] [b](having left the stage)[/b]: See medleys * [b]Playing for free[/b]: only (i) talent-less amateurs and (ii) the charitably inclined play for free. If you are (i) go dig a basement then drag the earth back over you * [b]Playing for money[/b]: Only play for money if you are a total bread-head. Otherwise the money will blister your fragile soul like holy water on a vampire. * [b]Bringing spare kit to a gig[/b]: WTF! We are [i]free spirits[/i]! We are rock'n'roll [i]outlaws[/i]. We don't carry spares and don't wear badgers. * [b]Lending gear[/b]: No one ever lends gear. Unless you're supporting Wilko Johnson; Norman will ask for a loan of your amp. You may not refuse; it's the law. * [b]Asking to borrow gear[/b]: Just ... [i]get out[/i]. But you had a last-minute equipment failure and didn't bring a spare? That's [i]your[/i] fault, you stupid rock'n'roll outlaw. * [b]Stacking multiple 2x10's vertically[/b]: Hubert! Hubert? Are you [i]trying[/i] to kill someone, Hubert? Learn to live with comb filtering, you homicidal m****rf**ker. * [b]Music Stands[/b]: Advisable in all circumstances. Only a ninny would gig without a music stand. Ask the Geoff Love Orchestra (but expect a savage leathering). [color=#f0fff0].[/color]

[quote name='blue' timestamp='1467340074' post='3082962'] Back in the mid 70s an ex girlfriend stole and sold my 1957 pre CBS Fender Precision. Classic burst. Blue [/quote] Ouch! Friend of mine, his wife threw two US Strats and a MIM Telecaster out of a fifth floor window. Another one, his girlfriend chucked a 4x10 into a river. Great times.

My playing has been described as 'dull' which is pretty accurate afaic.

[url="http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/thr-esq/led-zeppelin-wins-stairway-heaven-905866"]The jury's back and Zep are cleared[/url].

Dunno about tone but I found that 6 of my guitars had gone sharp over the last fortnight and the strings were buzzing like mad. Checked the relief and found they'd all flattened out a touch. Quick jig of the truss rod and they're fine again. The weather / change in humidity? Maybe.

Check out [url="http://www.oilcitypickups.co.uk/"]Oil City pickups[/url]. UK based, nice guy with good products at a fair price. They love him over on The Fretboard.

As long as the other two haven't got the hump it doesn't really matter in the long term.

Luthier guru Dan Erlewine recommends cleaning the board with spit. As for natural oils, Squalene occurs on the human nose and in sharks. It's also available as an extract from olives. The stuff on one's nose doesn't cover much board so I tend to use it as a substitute for string-glide.

Looking good, Sir.

Is it just me or is the sight of Victor Wooten with a Vox logo on his bonce just a bit ... incongruous?

Five minutes, Miss Seashell!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRenOZQMbHo

* Selfishness - too loud, too long, too lazy, too absent * Mission creep - if you start a blues band don't suddenly decide that what it needs is a half-set of 60's pop covers * Gig-shyness - 'We just need another six months in the rehearsal room and then we'll be ready'.

Possibly because the lilting, epic nature of the song lends itself to the idea of a tribute to a dead person. Expression of heartfelt admiration tinged with a bit of regret, time gone by, that sort of thing. I mean, the funky one about f**king his girlfriend while she sits on the sideboard with her feet in the drawers lacks a certain [i]resonance[/i] under the circs.

[quote name='lojo' timestamp='1461603403' post='3036066'] I find it hard enough to be taken as meant by fellow countrymen , so Im bound to get into trouble if I go OT overseas. [/quote] I know the feeling. Got the sh*t kicked out of me on TDPRI for 'judgemental sexism' having advanced the unremarkable hypothesis that middle-aged women are less obsessive about music than middle-aged men. One elderly Canadian gent took great umbrage so I playfully told him to go club some baby seals and that's when it all came unglued. [color=#ffffff].[/color]

Singist: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft? Jack: A[b]b[/b]m?

[quote name='cheddatom' timestamp='1458233946' post='3005876'] .... a positive outcome. [/quote] I once observed a grown man at a 'kids' gig (one for children of primary school age) behaving drunkenly in precisely the fashion you describe at about three in the afternoon. Thankfully we managed to restrain and eject the idiot in question with no serious or unlawful consequences apart from a lingering infection on the knuckles of my right hand. It appears that human teeth carry all sorts of nasty bacteria.

[quote name='Rich' timestamp='1456612000' post='2990845'] For me, The Beatles were finished the moment they fired Tony Goggle. [/quote] The events surrounding The Great Man's participation in the Magical Mystery Tour will be detailed in my soon-come ghost-written unauthorised autobiography of Goggle, entitled 'Mr TG - Total Anchor '. My publisher informs me that it will hit the streets sometime around Christmas. [quote name='Meddle' timestamp='1456609640' post='2990813'] I find it interesting that American artists and bands like Todd Rundgren's Utopia and Cheap Trick took the dayglo imagery and complex, pompous orchestration of Pepper-era Beatles and really ran with it. I can't think of a British band that did that. [/quote] How about?: The Move, ELO, Traffic, The Small Faces, early Status Quo, The Moody Blues, Cream (e.g. White Room), The Who (from 66-69, e.g Tommy), Barratt-era Floyd, Barclay James Harvest (check out the song 'Titles'), Elton John, Wizzard, Procul Harum, later T Rex, Mott The Hoople, Bowie (Space Oddity, Man Who Sold the World inter alia), Elvis Costello, The Smiths, Blur and Oasis. The list gets a bit thin after the mid-90's but that's more or less when I stopped listening to 'new' music.

I just don't [i]get[/i] the Beatles. So what if they sold 1.6 billion singles just in the US? Or 600 million albums worldwide? Or that the '1' album was the biggest selling album from 2000 to 2010 even though the band split 46 years ago. That's just trivial, piffling ephemera compared to the fact that [i]I[/i] don't like the Beatles and never think about them except when I want to make people notice me on internet forums. Look, the Beatles were just a band and totally unimportant compared to - say - musical comedy of the kind performed by my Tiny Tim tribute band. We're huge in Trowbridge and there's nothing the Beatles can do about [i]that.[/i]

Just to confuse matters, Page seems to have used [url="http://www.led-zeppelin.org/studio-and-live-gear/80-reference/studio-and-live-gear/jimmy-page-gear/1004-fender-800-pedal-steel"]a pedal steel[/url] on the Zep III version of Tangerine.

[quote name='Happy Jack' timestamp='1450105335' post='2929609'] Two years after this thread faded away gracefully ... playing DB with a singer-songwriter ... the early rehearsals... my intonation was all over the shop... I was routinely 'off' the note. It was pretty sickening ... same old sh*t ... I stopped the rehearsal... guitarist... tuner set to [i][b]445 [/b][/i]. [/quote] Speaking from the perspective of a seasoned industry observer I am [i]frankly[/i] [i]astonished[/i] that you did not establish the cause of this crashing assonance from the word 'Go' assuming your singer starts songs the way I do, i.e, suddenly and without warning saying '[i]Go![/i]'. That being the case, the preferred sequence of events would normally be: [b]Singer[/b]: Go! [b]Jack[/b]: ([i]with feigned weariness[/i]) OK - [i]who's[/i] playing in 445? It's not [i]me[/i] ... ([i]pregnant pause[/i]) so it must be ([i]points skeletal finger at Guitard[/i]) YOU!' Those of us who grew up before the very existence of British guitar magazines will recall such American periodicals as 'Guitar Player' wherein one would find double-page advertisements placed by a certain Mr David Burge extolling his soi-disant 'David Burge Perfect Pitch Method'. With a strange blue glow emanating from his eyes and a tuning fork balanced upon his index finger, the said Mr Burge would expiate upon the virtues of perfect pitch and its benefits to those possessed of The Knowledge ([size=3][i]only 52 weekly payments of $39.99 exc. state taxes in Texas, Arkansas, Idaho[/i][/size]). [size=3]David Burge in happier days[/size] [size=4]The benefits of the David Burge Perfect Pitch Method were as follows:[/size] [i]* Develop upper body musculature and increase penis length (at rest)[/i] [i]* Earn literally $'000's in your spare time[/i] [i]* Get the neighbourhood gig that every guitarist craves[/i] [i]* Raise your 'Upper Hearing Threshold[sup][size=2]TM ' [/size][/sup]and overhear private conversations between pipistrelle bats[/i] It is a truth universally acknowledged that [i]the very first thing[/i] the aspiring bass player should add to his 'arsenal of chops and signature licks' is the modest ability to detect differences in pitch to a degree of +/- 1 cents. Yet this foundational skill seems to have been overlooked in the welter of materialism and sexual excess [i]de nos jours[/i]. The unnecessary fiasco described above is - in truth - nothing more or less than[i] a total travesty[/i]; to have inflicted such upon a paying audience is monstrously reprehensible. I confidently anticipate an announcement to the effect that the poster is withdrawing from public life. It is only right and proper.

Sickened by the tsunami of socialist bleating which permeated the forum during 2015 I withdrew from regular comment here to devote myself to a project long in abeyance, namely my authorised biography of Sir Paul McCartney which will be be published next year under the imprint of Messrs Random House and entitled 'Mr PM: Prepare To Meet Your Macca'. My book required a series of interviews with Sir Paul, some conducted as long ago as 1967. A more recent session conducted at Sir Paul's luxurious yet unpretentious home elicited the following nugget which - though likely to be omitted from the published version - may serve to throw light upon the subject's opinion of himself while - perhaps - dousing the flames of controversy which have sprung as if bidden by an incorporeal malign agency between two members I am proud to call my friends: [i][b]Author:[/b] If I may be so bold, Sir Paul; do you recognise yourself primarily as a bass player or as a composer?[/i] [i][b]Macca:[/b] Good question, la, good question. A birra berth, laik. [/i] [i][b]Author:[/b] Charming... utterly charming.[/i] [i][b]Macca:[/b] Though, sum days, I doan rekkernise meself in the mirrer, laik.[/i] [i][b]Author:[/b] Pray elucidate.[/i] [i][b]Macca:[/b] Weerl, its the jet-black hair dye, laik. And the eye tucks and the other thing the plastic serjin did that pulls the old 'turkey neck' up and back. [/i] [i][b]Author:[/b] Intriguing.[/i] [i][b]Macca:[/b] Yer kno, I luke in the mirrer laik an' I think - who's dat lukin' back at me? Is it George, laik? Trying to get through from the other side? With a message?[/i] [i][b]Author:[/b] Indeed?[/i] [i][b]Macca:[/b] Then I rekkernise meself and - phew - it's OK again. D'yer like Tofu?[/i] [i][b]Author:[/b] You mention George...[/i] [i][b]Macca:[/b] Yeah, George was a better bass player than me. They say I'm the best bassist in the werld, laik. Y'know, I wasn't even the best bass player in the Beatles.[/i] Happy Christmas and see you all next year. [color=#ffffff].[/color]

[quote name='Beer of the Bass' timestamp='1441733181' post='2861343'] Indeed, and I hope he has a good time. I was just entertained at the notion of knowingly starting off a contentious thread just before going away for a few days, so that he has something entertaining to read through on his return. [/quote] Sort of fire and forget? Perhaps... Anyway, things to see, people to do. Back later.