StringNavigator

Thanks for that. To all of the British Comedy that admire (Tommy Cooper Forever!!), I can now add Fry & Laurie. Cheers!

Thank you, sir. Don't let it go to my head.

I would like to make a small point, so I sharpened up my stubby little pencil. However, it's not the size, but how you use it that really counts...! Anyway, Off We Go.....! I say that the English tongue is childishly easy if you've been raised in it, "steeped in it" like wee teabags; but, it's a fiendish language to learn. One must absorb it and quaff the brew slowly, as you grow up with it, because it boils over with euphemisms, colloquialisms and slang, all requiring years of unconscious assimilation. And it's a "borrowing" language...They never give it back, but they readily borrowed from Germans, Romans, the dreaded French since 1066 and the ancient Greeks. Even the Vikings (those Damn Danes!) altered the Goode English Tongue. You might even say that the English are the ba*tard spawn of barbaric Viking raiders... Then again, you might not if one is about, WOT-WOT! . And no language is safe from the English. All have been raided for their foreign mots and grammaires. It then turned in on itself and blended it's vocabulary and grammar into what we today call Standard Spoken English, but should probably bear the more apt title of Confused Broken English. Countries birthed and aborted by the United? Kingdom that now claim to use this language have applied it in ways that are very revealing of their own nationalistic tendencies. The Americans, of course, Revolted and Declared that everyone will "Speak American". Which is a unique form of mis-spelled English. Everything has been quickened and shortened to fit into the New York minute. In the torpid Southern Tier, English has melted into a long drawl that will never be fully recovered or understood again by an Englishman, let alone their long winded northern brothers in Washington, D.C.. Of course, in California "Nosotros hablamos Espanol!" "An pas me de chillie-dog!. The passive-aggressive Australians rebelled against their British chains and destroyed the language both in vocabulary and pronunciation until they now speak 'Strine so bad that the English will never understand them. Actually no one can. And they like it like that! The oft persecuted Irish decided to improve the language and then sing it, just to annoy the ears of those wicked Saxon Dogs; and the brash Scottish Highlanders don't even care if anyone can understand them, eh? As long as their haggis vindaloo is hot! English is safe in Scotland as they never use it. The Canadians, of course, just couldn't make up their minds whether to speak English or American. So, as befits their nature, "decided" to speak both, so as not to offend anybody... In Canada you may do your neighbor a favor or favour your neighbour and honor or honour the colour or color of her hair. Zee or Zed! It's all good... Canada uses metric measurements, British measurements or American Customary measurements. You can appear short or tall, heavy or light just by carefully selecting your unitary system. My toolbox is divided into Metric and English wrenches (spanners, you say?). The temperature today is 32 degrees Fahrenheit or 0 degrees Celcius. Take your pick, as long as it ain't in Kelvins. And if you don't like speaking American, Canadian or British, why, you can always speak French! Parlez-vous 'en... No one understands each other here, but we always agree... so as not to offend anyone... The Welsh, hoping to hide from the English, named their towns with tongue-twisters that the English could not even pronounce without drooling, let alone remember! Names that, if repeated, sounded like wild, abandoned, drunken cursing that would have one committed to Bedlam in a fortnight! They just got together and made up sh*t like Aberbargoed, Abercwmboi, Aberystwyth, Amlwch, Benllech, Blaenau, Fffrack, Ffestiniog, Eggnog, Caernarfon, Caerphilly, Philly-Dilly, Caerwys, Cilgerran, Criccieth, Cwmamman, Come-on, Cwmbran Denbigh, Ebbw Vale, Znert, Ewloe, Ffestiniog, Laugharne, Llaughinghmearseoff, Llandrindod Wells, Llandudno, Llumbhagho, Llamgerghini, Llanfairfechan, Llackafarteen, Llanfyll, Llanphill, Llangefni, Llanrwst, Llanwrtyd Wells, Loughor, Laughcheim, Machynlleth, Meschugama, Merthyr Tydfil, Maesglas Miskin, Penmaenmawr, Pontarddulais, Porthmadog, Phrakindedogh, Pwllheli, Tonypandy, Andypandy, Billandben, Treorchy, Tywyn, Tyrone, Ystradgynlais, Ystrad Mynach, Ynysddu, Theresamaynott, Ham-on-Rye, Hay-on-Wye, and Zed. As I ponder all of this, I grow weary. Perhaps you have, too. Philologists and musicians make for strange bed-fellows. Professor Henry Higgins meets Charles Mingus.This is why a Protologist won't share an office with a Dentist... And you'll never introduce your wife to your girlfriend... I no longer care if I'm a piano player or a pianist; a drummer or a drummist; a bassist, a basser or a bass tard; a doublecontrabassoonist or a happy euphonium blower... a joker, a smoker or a midnight toker... For I am a proud and noble Upright Electric Wash-Tubbist! (So, who needs five strings when one will do!!! We don't shift, we just stretch away... TWANG!) How many guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two! A bass guitarist to hold the bulb and the lead guitarist to tell him how to do it.

Just thought I'd ask... I find it very difficult in my area to find musicians, a band or even get an audition. Even the Craigslist musicians section is full of ads for anything but... Is it fairly easy in the UK? It appears to be.

Thank you, TripleB67! A great time was had by all! Here's wishing a long future to your bass endeavors!

Glad to hear that. Not to be nosey, but it sounded a bit dodgy to wait for six months. Sometimes trust pays off. Lots of success!

I'm also learning a new band set-list of 31 songs. I have my own process and follow a checklist, but I'm finding the advice here to be useful/interesting. So... OP, how did it work out?

Here... Join a band! Keep your back to the wall...

I'll have you know... that Canada is now an Associate Member!! And we will soon be coming to Europe!

Oh...! I see, now! Meaning that Australia is and Canada isn't...! You've set a new low, BH! That really hurts! !!

I would never have guessed, Frank. Really.

Euro Vision...?!? That's a bit short-sighted, ain't it? But Lulu's Boom Bang-a-Bang gave Waltzing Mathilda a run for the money! I'm not sure the Aussies can handle it alone without GB.

What would you wear in San Francisco? That slippy guano no come from bats...! Maybe resurrect those platform shoes from the 70's.

Not anymore. I kept seeing double.

Sounds like a long walk to take a walk. Don't you have mountains closer to home, BH? What about Mount Batten? I hear that rubber booties are passe this year, I fear. However, one should still keep them handy!

They must be cute tomatoes...

Started things off with a bang...?

Methinks you have taken the pot pun to new depths of mirth... You should have quit while you were a head... (A couple walk into a bar carrying a suitcase. They sit down, open the suit case, take out a living human head and place it on the bar. “This is our son Marvin,” they tell the bartender. “He was born without a body. Today Marvin is 21 years old and we’ve come to celebrate, so drinks are on the house!” After the bartender served everyone one and they sang Happy Birthday, the mother carefully poured Marvin’s drink into his mouth. Suddenly, to everyone’s amazement, Marvin began to grow a full torso complete with arms and hands. “This is incredible” said Marvin, “Look, I’ve got arms and hands. I’m so excited, I’m going to buy another round of drinks for everyone!” Then Marvin said, “Look everybody I can now handle my own drink”! He lifted his glass and poured the second drink into his mouth. At that, he began to grow legs and feet; he was now a normal looking young man. As soon as his new feet appeared, he jumped to the floor and started dancing around the bar and ran out into the street where a huge lorry roared by, flattening him into the pavement, and killing him dead. His parents began to cry and the bartender looked down sadly at poor Marvin's crumpled frame and commented, “You know... He should have quit while he was a head.”)

Yes, this is true... Toronto, like London, has gone to pot... But Prime Minister Fidel Trudeau sold it all to Great Britain before the price fell through the bottom. He should be in a band, that guy.

No....... It's mine, BH. I had it tested. But as far as not being sure as to whether you want Bryan;s DNA on *your* fingerboard... I'd think that one over, BH.

Reggae has soul.

And the European Song Contest...? Now that you have made your B*****, what becomes of that, now...? Have you forgotten the summer of '69 when Lulu sang "Boom Bang-a-Bang"...? By the way, now that Britannia is footloose and "Fancy-Free"... perhaps I can interest you in some Canadian Moose Hide Moccasins when you establish your new trade deal with The Dominion Of Canada!

You wear two monocles...?!

Fair enough, BreadBin.

I see...