I don't get on much with books, but I have one on developing your 'bass groove' and rather than numbers it has words/sounds that help you visualise (audiolise?) complex rhythms. I find 'internally vocalising' helps greatly with getting a rythym from tab or conventional music (I can read pretty much rythyms, not pitches!)
It does come with practice, try and 'accent' the downbeat, and other significant beats. Even simple things like triplets can be:
DAH -dah-dah Dah-dah-dah Dah-dah-dah Dah-dah-dah
Such emphasis isn't obvious from score (usually) but the grouping of triplets in threes is a clue.
Get that in your head and you find yourself playing it easily, emphasising the notes at three levels of emphasis rather than just playing twelve identical notes.
When playing with a drummer, listen for the patterns they use, you may want to lock in to the rythym on the snare or kick, or maybe the gaps between them. A good song to practice is In Bloom by Nirvana, where the bass and drums lock together in some nice, memorable patterns but the tempo is nice and slow.
I'm afraid I find repeat listening to be more effective than counting... Sharp Dressed Man has 19(!) bars of straight eighth notes and I find it vastly easier to listen to the guitar solo than to count!