I know some fantastic drummers who are very loud, but these guys can also play quietly, and everywhere in between, depending on what's required. Everyone playing very loud because they are trying to volume match the drummer is not the right way of playing. My experience with drummers has always been good, guitarists on the other hand have cause most of the volume problems I've seen.
I've just done 5 gigs in a row with a dep drummer. On one gig he was hassled by the sound guy to play quieter. After that I couldn't hear him, so he played in between. Me and the sound guy were happy, because the drummer could adjust his volume and get the balance right. It's not rocket science and is a skill that every drummer should be expected to know.