At the very least, the dep should not be out of pocket. Any travel costs should be reimbursed. But I find the attitude of your bandmates pretty selfish, to be honest, and I would not want to be in the invidious position of finding a dep who then gets nickel-and-dimed in this way.
If the members of the band want to treat this as a hobby, that's absolutely up to them and you. It's a completely reasonable choice, although from another point of view a band that plays for free undercuts all of those hardworking bands that don't. Either way, hobbies cost money, and in this case perhaps one of the costs should be making sure the dep's costs are covered.
And yes, asking for the landlord to cough up on a busy night is completely in order.
All of that aside, best wishes for a great night for all.