Pseudonym

I now hope that someone other than me will attend a Bass Bash and claim to be Pseudonym.

Don't do it. Fretless basses are all manufactured by child labour in shacks controlled by warlords. The fingerboards are made from ivory painted with carcinogenic black pigment. Some manufacturers have a history of links to IG Farben, the gulag system, Pol Pot or Jimmy Savile. The pickups attract tariffs of 3000% and their configuration will trigger sprinkler systems in any major shipping warehouse. This is known to cause water damage that distorts the ivory fingerboard, which is then unplayable even for jazz, and increases the risk of fatal electrocution when selecting the neck pickup. Really, it isn't worth it.

Once, when I was 18. Another student at a club was convinced that I was an actor who was famous at the time. Never mind that I was ten years too young and the resemblance was scant; the more I denied it, the more certain he was. In the end, I simply let him buy me a drink and I then signed a club flyer for him. I signed it "Tim Roth", who was not the actor he had in mind.

I had forgotten just how much Hugh Cornwell reminded me of Bill Murray at the time. This is not an insult.

That's true. I got really tired of telling people that there's an "a" in Beatles.

I remember when all this were fields.

Thanks to Abebooks, I can clarify that the model on the cover is wearing a black blouse and that she is standing with one foot on the keyboard of a grand piano. So, veering towards the musical but admissible because it isn't expressed in words. Her heaving chest is in no way visible but -- pace Steve -- we can safely assume that she has a chest. This is a good metaphor for a bass sound. That issue of Playboy apparently had an article by Alex Haley about his problems with Roots.

Tried that once. The Stipendiary Magistrate thought otherwise. I have never felt guilty for owning instruments of a quality that far exceeds mine as a player. Like others here, I take it as an incentive to improve. But even that is optional.

I have nothing new to add but utterly endorse the suggestions that @AndyTravis made. It seems pretty clear that you have the maturity to keep a band in shape. This "guitarist" does not. If the rhythm guitarist is also fed up (as I would be), only the personal dynamics of the band (siblings as frontmen) are keeping this together in any way. Striking out on your own, or with the rhythm guitarist, might be very gratifying. It takes effort, but circumstances seem to be urging you in that direction. Good luck. And yes, as others have noted, this guitarist is only accurately described with phallic metaphors. What a cliche.

Nicely done. I wonder how many other Basschatters have transitioned from Billy Connolly to Walter White in recent months?

Space. The final frontier.

There are too many alarm bells with this one. Without any knowledge of its provenance, I doubt anyone could evaluate the likely causes and thus what might be involved in fixing it -- if it can be fixed economically -- without scrutiny that the vendor will not permit. Perhaps it is better to live to fight another day.

Welcome, Inara. I grew up in London and live in Oregon. I had to use Fahrenheit in conversations here and Celcius in conversations with Britons. Recently, however, I have simply used the expression "obscenely hot". Courtesy is always welcome. Exaggerated courtesy for comic effect is particularly enjoyable in some corners of "Off Topic". This is a terrific forum. I came here two years ago for a little wisdom and am still here. Still looking for that wisdom...

I fail to see why we should bother with space travel when the Yellow Submarine solution is so much more appealing. I also find that my troubles seemed distant yesterday, so agonising over what the descendents of our species might do millions of years from now is probably beyond my remit. I am fairly confident that Beatles recordings will be played for as long as twentieth-century music is being played.

If your constraints are primarily spatial rather than financial, is there any way for you to put two or three of the basses out on long-term loan?

If I were in the OP's position, my choice would be a used, recent, US-built Fender. I cannot speak for the basses but I recently bought an American Pro II Stratocaster. It is extremely well made. It isn't simply a matter of outlay versus resale value, although on that basis I think a heavily modified MiM instrument is at a disadvantage. It is also the relative likelihood of getting an instrument that is fundamentally sound to begin with. I have played some superb Mexican Strats and some mediocre ones (never worse than mediocre, however). Every US-built Strat I have played recently was first rate. If quality control on the basses is similar, I would absolutely go for an American Pro II. If either would be a financial sacrifice, I would also recommend getting an instrument you love enough to justify that sacrifice. Then it becomes a kind of spiritual or emotional investment. I agree with others who have suggested taking the time to try alternatives. Always a nice project. Have fun choosing. I'm too jaded to enjoy it as much as I did when I was young and broke, but I suspect this is one of those moments when life expects you to treat yourself well. To the OP: congratulations on qualifying.

I'm more troubled by the increased similarity to a Womble.

I sense that this badge malarkey is subject to abuse. Its scope for mutual promotion rivals book reviewing.

I particularly like the way this photo makes you look like one of the kings who has travelled afar, Andy. That does look like a photograph of a successful relationship. Good luck to you both.

That salesman could end up costing his employer a lot more than a lost "deposit".

Caveat: this is not legal advice. I think this comes down to whether there is a contract on the basis that you have already paid for it. If there is, and given that at the price you paid you reasonably assumed that was the correct price (and not an error), the company is bound to honour it. That does not mean they would. If the contract would depend upon delivery, then there is no contract and they must refund the money you paid upon cancellation by either party. It is unacceptable for them to pull this stroke, in my view. Were I in your position, I would give them a choice on the spot: supply the piano at the price you paid, or else refund the money immediately. But I doubt they have a valid basis for taking the money and then trying to shake you down for more. They might have a valid basis for cancelling the order, in which case you must receive an immediate refund. Personally, I would insist that they honour what you regard as an agreement (do not concede ground on the price-matching point), and point out their weak position in law should they prove reluctant. If they won't budge, get an immediate refund and call the other place quickly. There is no way I would pay extra money to these people.

I assume you mean Joe Cocker but I like the idea that you are playing Noël Coward.

Best gig was probably the Pixies and Pere Ubu at the Kilburn National in July 1989. The Pixies were touring for Surfer Rosa and were on the cusp of major success -- always a good time to catch a band, in my experience. The energy levels were ideal, the sound was good, the sense of a common ethos was a joy, and I was in a pretty euphoric mood anyway. Honorable mention for John Zorn and Naked City at the Bluecoat Chambers, Liverpool, in 1988. 1988-89 was the best period for gigs I ever had. Throwing Muses, Fugazi, Cardiacs, REM while they were still doing smaller venues, Henry Rollins, Spacemen 3, Bob Mould, House of Love, Silverfish, Nirvana at SOAS during their first European tour, and a load of others. Worst gig was probably the Ramones in Liverpool in 1987. They obviously could not care less and the audience returned the compliment. It was basically the same audience that saw the Damned a week later and went nuts. The Damned always seemed to make an effort that the Ramones clearly felt beneath them. Second worst gig, sadly, was Tom Verlaine at a museum event in Cologne in 1998. Perhaps he was jetlagged or ill, but he couldn't remember the words to his songs. An off night is particularly hard on a solo artist with nothing except a Strat to mask the loss of control.

The deluge of TLRTs your post received is more eloquent than I can manage. Yours is a heartening post even by the high standards of this incomparable forum. Happy anniversary.

@Dankology, there is nothing about the situation you describe that could possibly have been improved by remaining in a creative relationship with that singer. If it is any consolation, you have a body of useful work and -- much more importantly, perhaps, in the long run -- valuable experience in safeguarding your intellectual property against the predations of a narcissistic and staggeringly unprofessional colleague. If that singer ever becomes successful and pulls that kind of stroke, her life might become quite litigious. Good luck to you and the rest of the band with whatever comes next.