Pretty good for a first go I think, but I've never got round to properly recording something myself yet.
The only thing that bothers me is where you can hear your fingers sliding down your roundwound strings, which I believe you can use a de-esser to reduce. But in another way I think it kinda adds something to it.
Oh yeah and the was a bit of a sharp volume peak right at the end which could possibly reduce.
But all in all it was not bad by any means.