Leonard Smalls

The band would never find someone with my dazzling array of trousers...

Too shy - Kajagoogoo

We played in Nottingham this year and we actually got a decent amount of pay supporting the Soap Girls, which was nice! Not only that but we sold merch too so all costs plus a bit towards the next album were covered. Next gig we're also getting decent pay, especially as it's only half an hour away! But it's taken us nearly 5 years to get to that stage - in the first year we rarely got more than about £30, sometimes nowt! We played once in the Valleys to the barman, the other band and a cardboard cut-out of Marc Bolan. The barman gave us £13 - which was good as the venue was empty! What was strange that nobody in the town seemed interested in coming to see bands, or at least not if they'd never heard of 'em unless it promised well-known covers - folks couldn't be bothered to go and see bands on spec like I used to when I wer nobbut a lad. We'd go and see any band just in case they might be good...

To be fair there's whole areas of law that are less well-defined than a goth in a blackout... Look at the Hunting Act 2004 frinstance. While it specifically bans the use of hunting with dogs, getting a prosecution is incredibly difficult - you virtually have to be there with a camera at the kill - so police forces that are less in the pocket of the landowners are now going for variations on Community Protection Orders; everyone knows the hunt is still hunting, most want it stopped so the only way of attempting to do that is via a seriously around-the-houses sort of way. Similarly, government are fed up with JSO protestors so they (and councils, companies etc) are taking out injunctions to stop them standing in certain areas on pain of prosecution. And they have been prosecuted, on a number of occasions! For quite some time, women in this country have had the right to have an abortion and they've been intimidated and harassed by anti-abortion activists. Therefore, in order for these women to go about their perfectly legal business without fear of harassment or even the threat of violence, government has introduced effectively protest exclusion zones. So if matey is protesting outside said clinic, despite him calling it praying, it's still a protest that's not allowed there. He's still standing there in a way that vulnerable women would see as intimidating... It's not really a thought-crime as such because he's allowed to think whatever thoughts he likes, just not to stand there making it obvious he's protesting! Meanwhile 😁

Indeed... To get going on whichever originals circuit you have to build enough interest and/or following that you get gigs that will pay well and people will buy your merch. Which means playing either for very little or nowt in order to get going. It's nowt to do with being not very entertaining or badly organised as Mr X asserts - there's no way a new originals band is going to be self-sustaining unless they've got a "name" in the band, or are already incredibly well-connected. Otherwise a reputation is built over time, and all the organising stuff learnt along the way. And a little, or lot of luck is also required! Not only that, but it helps if you're in reasonable proximity to decent venues or scene, if not it takes a lot of effort and banging your head on brick walls to get your name out there!

Shake Hands With Beef - Primus

Moo-vin' On Up - Curtis Mayfield

You were getting some great gigs - the boys still are! I think our problem is that perhaps we're not straight-ahead punk enough for punk gigs, not metal enough for metal venues and too punky for rock. Not only that, but anywhere with a scene we might fit into is at least 2 hours drive away, and as they haven't heard of us we don't get the gig unless we play for virtually nowt apart from for good old exposures...

If only! When you're low down the bill you'll often get very little indeed, at least at the sort of punky do's we seem to play! If there's 8 bands on and they're charging "donations" at the door many won't pay owt, and the soundman always gets paid... Then the promoter takes a chunk of what's left, so there's not much to split! The bar always makes money though, but we never see any of that either. It often used to be that if you weren't willing to accept that you wouldn't be playing! But we seem to get about £50 (sometimes more!) nowadays, but I never know how much we're getting paid until afterwards as I tend not to organise gigs; perhaps I should ask before agreeing to do it, though everyone else seems happy to get nowt. As it is we tend to stick it in the band kitty for our upcoming recording. As for merch, we'll have done well if we sell 2 cds and a tshirt... Though I do know that we're actually getting more reasonable money for our next gig, assuming some tickets get sold in advance and the venue doesn't pull it!

Aye... It's rare we get absolutely nowt, but what we do get tends to be at the lower end of 2/10 of nowt! I remember being second top bill at a venue in Birmingham for a 9 band all-dayer... We'd gone in 3 cars due to all coming from who-knows where, parking had cost us £20 each, plus the fuel and the 2+ hours drive each way. At the end of the gig, there was maybe 75 people there, the promoter came up to me and said "I've got your money, it's £19" which he handed to me. And I said "each?" and he said "no, that's it!". We once got £13 in the Welsh Valleys, and more than once we've come away with nothing at all!

You're Primate - Right Said Fred (sorry...)

(The lift is) Up Where We Belong - Jennifer Warnes & Joe Cocker

Crush On You - The Notorious B.I.G Ft. Lil' Kim

Goodnight Sweetheart - The Platters

Syrups - Foals

Rug to you - Bryan Adams

Crash Victim/Black Science Navigator - Praxis

Steer Prudence - Siouxsie and the Banshees

Git Down (Shake Your Thang) - Gaye Bykers on Acid https://gayebykersonacid.bandcamp.com/track/git-down-shake-your-thang

Bass: Bootsy Jamaaladeen Tacuma Bill Laswell Flea Larry Graham Guitar: Marc Ribot James Blood Ulmer David Fiucyznksi Christophe Godin Derek Bailey

Movin' and Groovin' -Redds and the Boys

If I could Turn Back Tyne - Cher

InSeine In The Brain - Prince Fatty ft. Horseman

From the further out-there fringes of funky jazz, or jazz funk, or avant funk or just plain old Harmolodics, here's Sax Maestro James Carter with the Philly Funk rhythm section of Jamaaladeen Tacuma and G. Calvin Weston, plus some rather fine and crazed guitar work by Marc Ribot.

Severn Nation Army - White Stripes