Leonard Smalls

We've got a gig on Saturday afternoon... We're last on for a thing called Senoritas Who Rock. However, it looks likely that our guitar player isn't going to be well enough to play... He does lots of widdly lead stuff, plus a number of relatively crucial riffs, but not much rhythm. So that leaves me on lead bass, R on to rhythm bass plus drums and lead plus background vox. So the question is, do we play? No one is likely to know our songs and our rehearsal today was surprisingly successful, but there's something missing that most may spot!

I've always fancied doing that Dr Feelgood thing of bouncing to the front of the stage then pulling right back to the amp. But I've never been able to as I foolishly bought only straight leads. I spose I could rig a contraption involving a slinky and an old episode of It's a Knockout...

The only Hall and Oates song I remember liking was Running From Paradise, probably due to funky bass... I lived with 3 H&O obsessives who even dragged me to see 'em....

S'funny, I never really got on with Love will Turd Us Apart - sounded to me like an attempt to get a hit together with a whiney little melody! But then I preferred the likes of Transmission and Dead Souls...

Aye... Keidis' interview, or brief rant, that I posted earlier shows that he no longer has any interest in ramming The Funk into anyone's anal cavity. I'll bet Balzary's still keen, but Frusciante's up for WetWussDadRock along with Antwan The Swan. To be fair, back in the early 90s when I shared a very fine White Widow/Blueberry cross with Flea he seemed rather keener on keeping it funky than the others!

I do...

At the time, I agreed with him and I was only about 30. Still do, mind!

indeed... It's not exactly psychedelic sex funk from heaven, and it's not likely to perpetrate The Funk into anyone's anal cavity (hope you're listening, Keidis!) (as if he gives a toss).

Wot? Is it some disgustingness of which I'm unaware? How could this be? There's a band called Lucky Pierre in Llandrindod Wells... Edited to add: Aah, now I see. At least I didn't use images when I searched!

Poster for our gig at Going Feral Fest - we're headlining the Cut Scrutter Stage at 9pm 11th September...

Tis a lovely comfy place to sit! Unfortunately, a band exists called that, and they look metal to me... Actually, they're The Judas Cradle - splitters! 😁

For old skool metal, you can't go wrong with mediaeval torture devices. You can't have Iron Maiden, but these may be available! THE SAW THE CAGE THE CRADLE OF JUDAS THE SPREADING THE KNEE BREAKER THE SPANISH DONKEY ANGEL PEAR THE FORK OF HERETIC THE SUPPLICE OF THE RAT THE SPANISH SPIDER

You'd be surprised how many times the bwggers have knocked on my door waving their so-called million pound contract expecting me to prostitute myself to them and write songs for Steps! I've had to call Rentokil in more than once...

Mine were: Bunsen Burner and the Peanut Roasters - short lived punk band while still at school, did 1 gig at a party 6th Peace - band put together in 6th form solely to do some hippy peace songs as a prelude to showing the scary Beeb docu on A-bombs Dredd and the Badass Weeds - Met at Uni, played plenty gigs around Leeds varying wildly from funk to metal to reggae, had some illustrious members such as Chris Haskett (who went to the Rollins Band) and Jay Rayner (!). After Uni, 2 members went off to be MDMA, which morphed into Utah Saints. Original Weeds core still get together occasionally for a 1-off gig Uncle George and his Crazy Rubber Thing - short-lived funk band with Argentinian singer who sounded like Michael Jackson Barf Roco - Funk punk band, did many gigs between 1988 and 1993, some supporting the likes of Carter and Gaye Bykers MongoShakers - began as a weird funk band, and changed into a fully improv jazz-funk band. Contained members of Lol Coxhill's lot - most memorable gig was on a roof in Shoreditch, opposite the Bricklayer's Arms where we played for 3 hours before the police told us to stop 😁 16 Choke Start - Short lived rock-metal 3 piece, played a few gigs before guitarist left due to miserable drummer. Continued with miserable drummer to form: Choked - Punk funk band with female singer. Miserable drummer replaced with good'n'funky one, plus addition of 2nd bass. Still playing!

We've had plenty of their funky grooves on our garden centre playlist for a while now... Including this little fella:

4pm, Hereford, 27th August. An afternoon of female rock (though we've also got 4 big hairy blokes)

My mum's a piano teacher... So that's how I started - got as far as grade 7 and gave up at around 18. Then I taught myself bass (and guitar to a lesser extent) - piano basically gave me a good background in theory, though I found that the grade learning system completely stifled any sort of creativity. Still don't want to play anyone else's music unless I've seriously messed about with it, and very rarely read music either!

Kickin'!!!

I done one too... It's about a lonely bloke thinks he's been stood up on the Metro. Not only that but he hasn't got a clue where he needs to get to. So he contemplates just stepping off in front of the next train, but instead, checks his phone and discovers that a perfect French fella has just swiped right on him on Grindr. Previous date forgotten, next one eagerly anticipated! Basses, 2xWal through various Helix FX. Guitar, strat also through Helices. Vox all Gregorian Chantified with Raum and some pitch shifting, drums EZ Drummer, sequencer AAS. All mixed in Ableton, with some Bias FX for good measure and plenty Neutron and Ozone.

He's just showing off! 😁

"Yeah man, that's 'tthhhhhhpppppprrrrrapzzzzbwap.... Fffft!' At least it's not folky 😁😇

I suspect there's a strong correlation between those who like bass solos, and those who like jazz. Here's some, featuring probably my favourite (obvs not including Bootsy), he grooves, and he jazzes... Though not as widdlily as some.

He does a good and surprisingly melodic break here, in the company of some Serious Bass Players!

I would! And I think his playing is extremely musical - though there seems to be a school of thought that thinks only simple ditties or straight-ahead riffs are musical, everything else is showing off. Personally I celebrate talent and have no problem with complexity or even atonality (which Charlie doesn't really do, more's the pity!), though ultimately it's down to taste... And a certain level of hypocrisy; while I celebrate talent and complexity in jazz or funk, when prog becomes even slightly folky I run screaming! Frinstance, I loves a bit of Genital Giant, until they start getting all fa diddly diddly wee, then I hates 'em. Similarly, I can't be doing with any Genesis at all - praps because it's twee pop ("Lonely Fart") or English-centric and a touch folky. Now if they had a hint of The Funk it might be a different matter...