Leonard Smalls

Should have been playing at Da Koffie Pot in Hereford as part of a 7 act line up called "Senoritas Who Rock". Our guitarist is ill, so I'd spent hours getting together a split amp set up, and changing my bass lines so they sounded more lead guitar-ey with 2nd bass doing the root stuff. We were on the way to the venue when we heard from the promoter that she'd just been told by the venue that no drums were allowed. This meant that we couldn't play, nor could the band immediately before us - the show would have to be renamed "Senoritas who strum lightly on an acoustic guitar as we wouldn't want it to be too loud and rockin'!"

Probably not! But because I watched for longer than I normally would the whole thing just seemed even more like cynical manipulation; there's the quiet bit, there's the hasty fists pumped toward crowd by bass and guitar, there's the sanitised growly bit, then there's a bit of melody... You could almost imagine a bunch of suits round a boardroom table with a list, making sure that the correct percentage of everything went into each song, and that it never got too heavy just in case a Bieber fan got alienated... I remember a conversation I had a few years ago with an amazing jazz drummer whose take was "the music is just in you, it's got to come out! I don't really care about the audience, I just have to make my music, and if they like it, great!". With this lot it didn't look like anything really came from the heart, from a desire to create anything outstanding, more from a desire to make a product that would get them the maximum amount of wedge! Still, each to their own...

Can I just say eek again? This is not rock'n'roll!

It's completely horrific! Now they've got Sheeran on... Can folks not spot Product? Eeeek!

Why is rock so formulaic? Just watching Reading festival in the Beeb... And there's Bring Me The Horizon on. Who employ every single metalpop cliche ... Why is there nowt new or different? Is there a set formula?

Membership pending!

Looks like it's been decided for us... The poster's been out for quite a few weeks now, on stage times published, even how much we get paid. But the promoter's just discovered from the venue that drums aren't allowed.The venue manager knew weeks ago that of the 7 acts playing, 2 were actual rock bands, but he's only just told the promoter today. After our van had got halfway there! So if you're offered a gig at De Koffee Pot, Hereford put your index and 2nd finger into a v shape and move them vigorously up and down on either side of your nose. Then place your left hand inside the crook of your right elbow and bring your right fist to 90 degrees while making a grimace. That'll show the tw@ts!

Funnily enough, the 1st band I ever saw was a punk band called The WSS - named after West Side Story. They didn't do any songs from the musical... Not only that but I'd managed to do my best "Yea, I'm 18" to get into The Albion in Chester aged 16, not realising that just about everybody got in there anyway!

I was working for the BBC when the Chillis played their 1st Astoria show... So I managed to blag into the aftershow party using my pass with a couple of mates (security didn't know that I wasn't a reporter!). So we spied a dark corner and sparked up a rather fine little number. So Flea's nose led him to us, we chatted for at least half an hour and discovered a mutual love of The Funk - we even went and had a little boogie when Parliament's "Flashlight" came on. Keidis and the others were busy holding court and didn't even notice The Sacred PFunk!

What is this heresy? I only do widdley stuff! 😎😁

I've now got a kickin' Royal Blood tone, with the guitar side going into BBR pre, Crown power and Markbass 2x10 and bass side going into Marshall Jubilee amp and Markbass 4x10. Sounds so good I may keep this set-up!

We do! Not sure if there's any clips as the 2bass thing is relatively new... But just checked, and there's a snippet from Nice'n'Sleazy fest this year:

I felt it might make the river carnival memorable!

That's really kind! However, I have a line 6 helix... Perhaps I'd be able to do very similar just by learning to use it? I've got 2days...

Wassat? Are you near Hereford? 😁

I've been trying to convince the singer to recreate one of the guitar solos through the mixed media of dance and scat... Always works in shout punkfunk at a family carnival!

We've got a gig on Saturday afternoon... We're last on for a thing called Senoritas Who Rock. However, it looks likely that our guitar player isn't going to be well enough to play... He does lots of widdly lead stuff, plus a number of relatively crucial riffs, but not much rhythm. So that leaves me on lead bass, R on to rhythm bass plus drums and lead plus background vox. So the question is, do we play? No one is likely to know our songs and our rehearsal today was surprisingly successful, but there's something missing that most may spot!

I've always fancied doing that Dr Feelgood thing of bouncing to the front of the stage then pulling right back to the amp. But I've never been able to as I foolishly bought only straight leads. I spose I could rig a contraption involving a slinky and an old episode of It's a Knockout...

The only Hall and Oates song I remember liking was Running From Paradise, probably due to funky bass... I lived with 3 H&O obsessives who even dragged me to see 'em....

S'funny, I never really got on with Love will Turd Us Apart - sounded to me like an attempt to get a hit together with a whiney little melody! But then I preferred the likes of Transmission and Dead Souls...

Aye... Keidis' interview, or brief rant, that I posted earlier shows that he no longer has any interest in ramming The Funk into anyone's anal cavity. I'll bet Balzary's still keen, but Frusciante's up for WetWussDadRock along with Antwan The Swan. To be fair, back in the early 90s when I shared a very fine White Widow/Blueberry cross with Flea he seemed rather keener on keeping it funky than the others!

I do...

At the time, I agreed with him and I was only about 30. Still do, mind!

indeed... It's not exactly psychedelic sex funk from heaven, and it's not likely to perpetrate The Funk into anyone's anal cavity (hope you're listening, Keidis!) (as if he gives a toss).