Leonard Smalls

For old skool metal, you can't go wrong with mediaeval torture devices. You can't have Iron Maiden, but these may be available! THE SAW THE CAGE THE CRADLE OF JUDAS THE SPREADING THE KNEE BREAKER THE SPANISH DONKEY ANGEL PEAR THE FORK OF HERETIC THE SUPPLICE OF THE RAT THE SPANISH SPIDER

You'd be surprised how many times the bwggers have knocked on my door waving their so-called million pound contract expecting me to prostitute myself to them and write songs for Steps! I've had to call Rentokil in more than once...

Mine were: Bunsen Burner and the Peanut Roasters - short lived punk band while still at school, did 1 gig at a party 6th Peace - band put together in 6th form solely to do some hippy peace songs as a prelude to showing the scary Beeb docu on A-bombs Dredd and the Badass Weeds - Met at Uni, played plenty gigs around Leeds varying wildly from funk to metal to reggae, had some illustrious members such as Chris Haskett (who went to the Rollins Band) and Jay Rayner (!). After Uni, 2 members went off to be MDMA, which morphed into Utah Saints. Original Weeds core still get together occasionally for a 1-off gig Uncle George and his Crazy Rubber Thing - short-lived funk band with Argentinian singer who sounded like Michael Jackson Barf Roco - Funk punk band, did many gigs between 1988 and 1993, some supporting the likes of Carter and Gaye Bykers MongoShakers - began as a weird funk band, and changed into a fully improv jazz-funk band. Contained members of Lol Coxhill's lot - most memorable gig was on a roof in Shoreditch, opposite the Bricklayer's Arms where we played for 3 hours before the police told us to stop 😁 16 Choke Start - Short lived rock-metal 3 piece, played a few gigs before guitarist left due to miserable drummer. Continued with miserable drummer to form: Choked - Punk funk band with female singer. Miserable drummer replaced with good'n'funky one, plus addition of 2nd bass. Still playing!

We've had plenty of their funky grooves on our garden centre playlist for a while now... Including this little fella:

4pm, Hereford, 27th August. An afternoon of female rock (though we've also got 4 big hairy blokes)

My mum's a piano teacher... So that's how I started - got as far as grade 7 and gave up at around 18. Then I taught myself bass (and guitar to a lesser extent) - piano basically gave me a good background in theory, though I found that the grade learning system completely stifled any sort of creativity. Still don't want to play anyone else's music unless I've seriously messed about with it, and very rarely read music either!

Kickin'!!!

I done one too... It's about a lonely bloke thinks he's been stood up on the Metro. Not only that but he hasn't got a clue where he needs to get to. So he contemplates just stepping off in front of the next train, but instead, checks his phone and discovers that a perfect French fella has just swiped right on him on Grindr. Previous date forgotten, next one eagerly anticipated! Basses, 2xWal through various Helix FX. Guitar, strat also through Helices. Vox all Gregorian Chantified with Raum and some pitch shifting, drums EZ Drummer, sequencer AAS. All mixed in Ableton, with some Bias FX for good measure and plenty Neutron and Ozone.

He's just showing off! 😁

"Yeah man, that's 'tthhhhhhpppppprrrrrapzzzzbwap.... Fffft!' At least it's not folky 😁😇

I suspect there's a strong correlation between those who like bass solos, and those who like jazz. Here's some, featuring probably my favourite (obvs not including Bootsy), he grooves, and he jazzes... Though not as widdlily as some.

He does a good and surprisingly melodic break here, in the company of some Serious Bass Players!

I would! And I think his playing is extremely musical - though there seems to be a school of thought that thinks only simple ditties or straight-ahead riffs are musical, everything else is showing off. Personally I celebrate talent and have no problem with complexity or even atonality (which Charlie doesn't really do, more's the pity!), though ultimately it's down to taste... And a certain level of hypocrisy; while I celebrate talent and complexity in jazz or funk, when prog becomes even slightly folky I run screaming! Frinstance, I loves a bit of Genital Giant, until they start getting all fa diddly diddly wee, then I hates 'em. Similarly, I can't be doing with any Genesis at all - praps because it's twee pop ("Lonely Fart") or English-centric and a touch folky. Now if they had a hint of The Funk it might be a different matter...

You could say the same about Paganini or Franz Liszt!

I've been enjoying this lot for a while now... Pretty much rock/metal by numbers, but sh'thot all the same!

Right on, brother!

Hope you feel a bit better soon Doug - then you can produce summat kickin' for our delectation and delight...

I say your best bet is to buy a 2nd hand bass made by a well-respected luthier... ACGs are great value, and most excellent basses!

Shame! We'll miss your dulcet tones 😁 You'll be pleased to hear I've got some singing in mine... Plus 2 basses and a guitar solo! And even more excitingly, it's only about 2 mins twenty. Currently removing some of the obvious loggyness, and preparing the plastic-free glitter and water-based varnish.

Not mine 😉

Indeed! The bloke wot whinged about us also complained to his neighbouring farmer about the noise of sheep... And he called out the fire brigade about a grass fire he'd seen - they chased around searching for it for 3 hours and found nowt, which was unsurprising as it was morning mist. I think it's basically about a) being reasonable b) a bit of live and let live and c) don't be an @rse.

2 coming up for CHOKED : 27th August - Hereford River Festival, The Koffee Pot, Hereford 11th September - Going Feral for Mental Health Festival, Gwatkin Cider Co, HR2 0AL

Many years ago I lived with my band in a back to back terrace in Harlesden... We stuck carpets to the walls, covered the window and did everything we could to damp down the noise, but it was still pretty loud outside... But one day I was out in the back yard, waved at a couple of our neighbours and they both came over for a chat - basically they said how much they enjoyed the band playing cos it brought life to the place. They also requested some reggae; but not being a reggae band we wrote a song for 'em based on a funky sleng teng riff. Here it is!

Arguably! I had a "neighbour" (he's 400m away, on the other side of the valley!) complain about band rehearsals we were doing in our garage - it was once a week from 630pm - 8-30pm. So I told him I'd sound proof the garage and could he let me know if it was any better. So we built a box in there, he wasn't happy, so we moved into our garden room - this is double glazed, brick-built and insulated. We also moved rehearsals to Sunday afternoon, 3-5pm which coincided with his incessant chain-sawing. Didn't hear anything, assumed all was fine (it was audible 20 yards outside the house but by no means loud). Then we got a letter from the council detailing the noise complaint. I told them the story so far - but it appeared we'd been noisy again for 1/2 an hour, I think we'd had to open a window due to it being boiling. I told the council we wouldn't open the window again, and that we'd stick to those hours. And also I told them TW@ttyBollox had a name for being a whinger; he'd complained about his next-door neighbours "burning noxious rubbish" - turned out it was a kids bonfire party on 5th November. So we got three more letters saying that they were setting up monitoring equipment. Then Covid and lockdown came along; during one of the breaks our then reduced band (drummer had left) recorded a couple of on-line charity gigs using EZ drummer. Lockdown started again, I noticed one of the bass tracks could do with re-recording, so I played back the band through the PA and re-recorded my bass parts - this had to be at decent volume as bass had to match. Imagine my surprise when the police turned up to investigate an alleged breach of covid regulations, and their surprise to find me on my own playing along to a backing. How we laughed! After all the lockdowns had ended we starting rehearsing again. Just as we'd finished 2 chaps turned up, said they were from the council and that monitoring was finished, and they'd just listened from the other side of the valley. They explained that while it was faintly audible, it was by no means a nuisance ( a lot quieter than the b road below) and that Complain-Man had been told he was being deeply unreasonable, and that we had shown ourselves to be just the opposite. Council said that "unless something changed substantially" they wouldn't act on any more of his complaints. About anything. So it goes to show, there's miserable gits everywhere!

Me like Last Exit... And Zorn's crazed rantings... And this should be in the drum'n'bass thread!