First gig I ever played was an all dayer in West Sussex. We were on immediately before China Crisis who were headlining so we had a pretty decent sized crowd.
All day there had been this crazy drunk woman wandering round the site making a pain in the arse of herself - at one point she walked over to me & kicked me in the back for no reason whatsoever while I was sat on the floor. She quickly became known as "Cider Woman".
We were a couple of numbers into our set when I noticed she was standing right in front of my monitor, so when it came to an instrumental bit I went to the front of the stage & struck my best Phil Lynott pose with my bass neck pointing out over her head. Quick as a flash her hands shot upwards & grabbed the neck of my bass & tried to pull me off the stage. I tried to pull the bass away from her but she had a grip like a f***ing tyre fitter!
The only thing I could think to do, and I'm very ashamed to admit this, was kick her in the face. Luckily she must have read my mind & relaxed her grip leaving me to go stumbling back across the stage just in time to start singing the next verse of the song.