My cousin is 30 this year, she’s lovely, bonkers - but lovely.
She knows how to pick ‘em if you catch my drift.
At a Boxing Day party at my parents house, she says “Andy, my new partner is in the kitchen...he’s a bit..you know...”
I’d been told that this guy gives guitar lessons.
Anyhow, I’m carrying iris and gathering the other 3 kids coats and shoes they’ve kicked off (as they do at grandmas) the house is rammed with family and friends, some of whom have travelled from Indonesia and haven’t seen or met 2 of our children such is the nature of living 1000’s of miles away from family.
Before I’m into the kitchen, a guy resembling Rik Mayall’s Young Ones character had a baby with Dave Grohl thrusts his hand at me “YOR ANDEH YOR PLAY BASS DOWUNTCHOR?” (Say this in Liam Gallagher’s voice in your head) subsequently I must confess to being the rudest I’ve ever been, but I had both hands full, I wanted to put baby in her bouncer chair, get the coats away and he was stood in the doorway I needed to get through to facilitate all of my desires (also where the booze was).
I said “yeah, I do - I do other things too...” and pushed past him.
Now, much as it pains me to say - about 15 minutes into the visit, Maggie who is 2 Cracked her head open and we went to A&E.
Apparently he ran the same routine with my brother in my absence.
I met him again around NYE and hated him more after trying to be civil. He berated my 18 year old cousin who’s lived in Bali since he was born for not knowing who The Verve were.