Tonight’s gig was a bit of a favour to a mate. I really like this lad and would like to state clearly he’s one of the best guitarists I’ve ever played with.
I met with the “band” about 2 weeks ago.
The singer was a 50-60 year old bloke, obviously well to do (if I hadn’t guessed, he made it apparent) - had voice cal harmony pedals and variax guitars...very much a self styled bandleader...(read bit of a tit)
anyhow, the gig is a wedding...
It started with me turning up on time at 6pm, to be told there were delays - no issue, I’ll get a pint and wait.
Beer was off until after the meal (I wasn’t part of this).
I was then accosted by the security team for not being invited to the wedding - the father of the bride had asked who I was (it wasn’t the father of the bride at all, it was her uncle) - and the security folk mistook me for some kind of wedding based terror threat.
Anyhow, I got on with my business of waiting.
Two hours later...
We go to set up. And the DJ has set up a booth and mobile lighting rig in our place. All good, we choose another spot.
Out of the storage space comes the shittiest old EV/Dynacord PA ever, with some subs devoid of carpet and multiple 1987 rucksacks of cables.
well - I’m the dep, I’m not getting involved!
oh, yes I am - broken speakon cables, I present a handy selection of screwdrivers “No I’ve got it” comes the cry from the PA owner. He hasn’t, clearly.
3 cables needed the wires reconnecting to terminals.
All set up, ready to level check.
“I’m not getting your bass”
‘It’s showing on my amp sim’ (showed him the waveform responding to my playing on the toneport app)
“Well, IM NOT GETTING IT, SO YOUR CABLE, IS IT BROKEN?”
‘No, it’s brand new - I’ve not even had to repair it like yours...’
“DONT, eh? JUST TRY ANOTHER LEAD”
Just, wow.
Avoiding any further issue and against my better judgement, I plug straight into the instrument input on the PA desk, negating the app nonsense.
we have signal.
i’ve inadvertently unplugged the guitarists XLR thinking it was mine.
Mate on guitar has no signal...whoops.
Imagine if you will, a nasty old teacher chastising a 5 year old who knocked over milk...”did you unplug the guitar so you had signal?!”
just...enough already
then half the PA wasn’t working
I spotted he hadn’t plugged the speaker into the amp, hence the left side wasn’t working.
“Well f*ckin get it plugged in then”
‘Don’t be a c*nt, I’m not sorting your gear out’
“Whatever, whatever.”
‘Yeah, f*ckin whatever, it’s hardly Wembley - chill the f*ck out’
He mumbled.
Anyhow. He was stinky poo throughout the gig, and played and sang out of tune all the way through.
The female singer (I left a band because of her previously) was stinky poo too.
The keys lad played in different keys because nobody told him they’d changed the songs. Professional.
Mad little “in joke” jams.
Basically regrettable.
Oh and I forgot this...
“Trav, I forgot to say...our nephew is learning guitar, he might get up and play”
Thinking a 13 year old lad was joining us for Valerie or something...
He was at least 25, 6ft 2 and stood in front of me for the whole set.
“Sorry mate, I got up and there was nowhere to plug in...so I just pretended”
he mimed throughout. Meaning I had my back to a wall.
It went on way too long - I’ve never played a gig where it dragged.
No more depping.