[quote name='Stylon Pilson' timestamp='1456488836' post='2989512']
My notes:[list=1]
[*]Things like grammar, punctuation, capitalisation etc. Every single mistake, no matter how small, seems sloppy.
[*]Make it clear up front whether it's a permanent replacement or temporary. You also witter on a bit much in the opening paragraph - "and as she should with a little one on the way." is totally unnecessary.
[*]"zany singing drummer" - remove "zany"
[*]"very childish 40 year old" - I know that this seems endearing, but for many people a 40 year old who behaves like a kid is a huge red flag
[*]Rather than say "it's not going to be a major source of income", just say how many gigs you do, and clarify that you have no plans to increase or decrease that number. They'll be able to do the sums.
[*]"would not be against doing originals" - try to express this in a way that sounds a bit more self-confident.
[/list]
S.P.
[/quote]
I was going to write a similar list but was beaten to it!