discreet

Absolutely, you can't argue with that. They're old school, from a time when pop music wasn't all written by the same two people... yes there was Chinnichap and later SAW, but you know what I mean...

I was a fan as a kid, but not now. Would a non-fan bother going to see it? Queen were a little bit successful and quite famous, so I'm guessing there are still enough fanatics around to support the film...

You could edit it. Change it to something like, 'Wow, I'm definitely going to see this! I loved Freddie Mercury me, and fantasised about being his boyfriend!' Or, a paragraph or two more in keeping with your own proclivities. You know, something appropriate...

You leave my hurdy-gurdy out of this! The doctor says it's a perfectly normal one for a man of my age.

Nah, for me it's 'real bum or no bum'. Sharknado! Now you're talking! Never fails to deliver.

I fecking hate folk and folkies! Wait... that would explain why I don't like our banjo player *revelation*

It might be pretty good, then. Back in the day when people read reviews in Time Out before going anywhere in London, you could be sure of a good time if you exclusively went to things that the Time Out journos didn't like... but generally if the public like something, then I won't. Viz: Strictly, BGT, EastEnders, any currently-successful pop act, pizza, burgers, painted-on eyebrows, the Ford Mondeo, artificially-enhanced buttocks, and on and on. Actually, the Mondeo is a good car. But you get my drift.

Ha! Not mine. Keep the card, my pack has at least five aces in it...

Was it one of mine?

Holy crap! At least you're not flying the plane. Or are you??

Switch off your electricity at the fuse box and carefully make your way to bed. Try to keep very still during the night. You'll be fine.

I dont know where that is.

'No refunds.'

Actually, his hair looks nice in a bun.

No thanks, I just put one out.

In all seriousness, yes. It's very difficult to physically break a neck in that way, regardless of cack-handedness.

Don't let Bridgehouse's cack-handed fettling put you off!

Depends entirely on what's trumps.

I think the ULEZ is a fantastic notion, especially as my car seems to be exempt. Yah! Boo! Sucks! OK, that's not very sympathetic. But we gotta get diesels outta the city, man! What about the children? Won't somebody think of the children??