discreet

He takes it round the back, I heard.

A double-size one, obvs.

Deafinately.

Black bridge and controls next?

Not very rock 'n' roll, is it?

Er...

Oh yes, and have my guts fall out onto the stage through my knackers? It's just not a good look.

Nah, I think it's all or nothing.

I've already thrown away my surgical boot - what more d'you want??

Doesn't fit in with my somewhat 'vintage' vibe...

I have one on each wrist, one on each ankle and one on my cóck. And another one up my àrse!

Oh, yes! You need to wear a tennis wristband too, that's a sure sign of a pro.

Yes! I like that! Or possibly this Alleva Coppolo...

I'm also aware that only recently on another thread (what with me being in the Pickguard Police and all), I ranted about how a white guard was totally unacceptable with a sunburst finish. But I like this cream guard, it just seems to work with the burst and dark board. Maybe because there's no bell plate? I would have preferred tort, but IMHO only vintage tort or Spitfire tort is ever good enough and as these options each cost more than the entire bass, it's not going to happen. There's also a whole thread on TB about the merits of various shades of mint green with sunburst, but I'm really not sure about that.

Well spotted! It's temporary. I'm still not 100% about having a guard at all, and still may paint the bass a solid colour (white? Lake Placid Blue?) ...if so, I'll only have two holes to fill on the body. Fnaar.

I just couldn't stand the 'no pickguard'' thing any longer. It's just not me. I tried tort, black, gold and white, they all looked terrible. So I went with this cream job. I hope you like it. If you don't - too bad!

This. It takes less than a second and avoids that schoolboy-error embarrassment as your lead comes out and you look like a total twât. Or more of one.

You could find a good function band. I was in one for quite a few years and apart from anything else it was very lucrative. Great audiences, too - they're out for a good time and are usually well primed and up for it by the time you start playing. It's still covers at the end of the day, but you are well-rewarded for your efforts. I had to quit in the end as the false bonhomie with the punters and the 'audience participation' routine made me cringe to my very soul. I do miss the money though, even now.

Or, you may have just got in from the pub.

Well I AM happy with it. I may even keep it. It's just that my track record in this area isn't exactly 100 percent...

Dammit - busted!

Better than that, I'll sign it for him!

You want to buy this Squier, too?

I still regret selling that bass! The Sire V7 is unbelievable value and I stand by my excellent review of it!

Ah go on, take a risk, press the 'buy now' button. You'll have no problem shifting it if by some weird chance you don't like it.