Heathy Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 (edited) I have been becoming increasingly frustrated with the singer in the band over the last few months, to the extent that I have decided to leave this weekend. Trouble is I will really miss playing with the guitarist and drummer (who I have known for 20 years). What would you say is the right thing to do: a) bow out gracefully. say - it's her or me. c) hang in there and use sneaky tactics to try and push the singer out (suggestions would be helpful) I'm leaning towards 'a' being a mature adult and everything, but would appreciate your views/experiences. p.s. I didn't realise a 'b' and a ')' would result in that smiley. But he's cool so he stays. Edited September 22, 2010 by Heathy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyTravis Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 It's a tough call. Have you spoke to the guitarist and drummer? My mate and his other band members all left their band and started a new one when they decided their singer was a prick...I laughed my head off when he told me that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Josh Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 I recently left my band about 2 weeks ago now as I had really reached that point where I didn't want to continue playing those songs and I admitted to not having the drive to stick with it as I've now got my mind set on going to Uni. A lot went into my decision and luckily it went down pretty respectfully and it's on the best of terms I could've hoped for and I feel I've made the right choice. Just talk it out with them, tell them your not happy and if you really can't see yourself sticking with it other than forcing yourself then that's a clear sign that you are done and that's the best time to say so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigAlonBass Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 (a) would definitely be my choice as well. Never EVER issue an "it's them or me" ultimatum to Musicians, because you put them under pressure, look like a pr*ck, and they always get rid of the pr*ck. As for the sneaky tactics scenario, the same rule applies. If people realise what you're doing, you'll look a pr.............etc. etc. If you bow out gracefully (citing the Singer as the reason) they will probably look harder at the singer, and may even start noticing the things that annoy you. Stay friends with the guys, they may be giving you a call sooner than you think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ezbass Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 Definitely see how the drummer and guitarist feel and tell them how you feel too. You might find they're of a like mind and you just need a new singer. If of course they're fine her then just walk away before it gets ugly. There's nothing sneaky about asking their opinion (well not too much anyway) as you're not trying to spread dissent, just seeing how the land lies. Good luck. As I once posted "bandmates, can't live with them, can't soak them in napalm and watch them melt". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldmanrock Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 [quote name='BigAlonBass' post='964873' date='Sep 22 2010, 08:16 PM'](a) would definitely be my choice as well. Never EVER issue an "it's them or me" ultimatum to Musicians, because you put them under pressure, look like a pr*ck, and they always get rid of the pr*ck. As for the sneaky tactics scenario, the same rule applies. If people realise what you're doing, you'll look a pr.............etc. etc. If you bow out gracefully (citing the Singer as the reason) they will probably look harder at the singer, and may even start noticing the things that annoy you. Stay friends with the guys, they may be giving you a call sooner than you think. [/quote] Completely agree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toddy54 Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 [quote name='ezbass' post='964877' date='Sep 22 2010, 08:18 PM']Definitely see how the drummer and guitarist feel and tell them how you feel too. You might find they're of a like mind and you just need a new singer. If of course they're fine her then just walk away before it gets ugly. There's nothing sneaky about asking their opinion (well not too much anyway) as you're not trying to spread dissent, just seeing how the land lies. Good luck. As I once posted "bandmates, can't live with them, can't soak them in napalm and watch them melt".[/quote] +1 Got to have a word first with guitarist and drummer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ahpook Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 [quote name='BigAlonBass' post='964873' date='Sep 22 2010, 08:16 PM'](a) would definitely be my choice as well. Never EVER issue an "it's them or me" ultimatum to Musicians, because you put them under pressure, look like a pr*ck, and they always get rid of the pr*ck. As for the sneaky tactics scenario, the same rule applies. If people realise what you're doing, you'll look a pr.............etc. etc. If you bow out gracefully (citing the Singer as the reason) they will probably look harder at the singer, and may even start noticing the things that annoy you. Stay friends with the guys, they may be giving you a call sooner than you think. [/quote] words of wisdom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dad3353 Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 Good evening, Heathy... Human psychology is not my speciality, but, for what it's worth... You might try creating an occasion, out of your regular music scene, to have an 'event' (an evening go-karting, ten-pin bowling, afternoon fishing, whatever you fancy...). and have a 'round-table' discussion with all members on the future and direction of the band. The essential stuff is to be on 'neutral' territory, not your home or the others, and not to specifically bring up your frustrations; just let (or guide...) the conversation to let all members bring up all their positive and negative feelings. Keeping things lightweight, no toes should be stepped on, and, who knows, something better mutual understanding could result. I've personally assisted at this kind of 'chill-out', and kept an excellent drummer on board who was on his way out of the group. Hope this helps, and good luck. Stay cool... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_skezz Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 Bow out gracefully. I left my band by getting drunk, being a b****** and quitting using an argument I started about something else, just because I didn't like the lead guitarist. Consequently, I never seem to see the drummer or rhythm guitarist anymore (which is a shame, cos they were great mates) and I know the lead guitarist has bitched about me to other mates of mine...though knowing him, he would've done so even if I'd offered him my soul and savings in exchange for my leaving Still extremely glad I quit, but if I might've ended up better off if I'd done so more gracefully. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tino Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 [quote name='AndyTravis' post='964864' date='Sep 22 2010, 08:10 PM']It's a tough call. Have you spoke to the guitarist and drummer? My mate and his other band members all left their band and started a new one when they decided their singer was a prick...I laughed my head off when he told me that.[/quote] Are the other 2 having 2's up on her if so just leave.. ..if you aint been asked then you clearly aint wanted Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTUK Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 Depends how precious people are with bands. You are perfectly free to form up with whoever you want, but insecure musos don't take to this very well and splinter groups don't go down too well. You might find, if you leave, the band falls apart anyway and then you can start up with the other guys..but it takes a mature attitude from the person who is left in the cold. If I am going across bands..ie using people who were involved in other incarnations, then I try and not do it with 4/5thd of the band. When we needed to shut down a unit..we only formed up with the bass, keys and vocals and played a completely new set, band-name etc etc ..so no one but the very insecure could get a complex about it. Having said that..we still get a ribbing from the old drummer if we use even one or two of the old bands songs, but to most sensible people, we are a new band and completely seperate and detached. If I were in your position..it is you with the problem big enough to leave..you should do just that, clear the decks, and then maybe...maybe, pick up the pieces at a later date...with the other members if you all want to. I wouldn't want to be doing any behind close doors deals though as the singer will think this anyway, given half a chance...so make the effort to make it as clear as it is going to be, that you have left. Afer a few months...anything else can happen, IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truckstop Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 Option D: Fake your own death. Sometimes it's the only way out. Truckstop Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cat Burrito Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 A is the only option from that list. If I were on the receiving end of an ultimatum or sneaky behaviour I wouldn't want to work with that musician anyway. The other option *may* be (depending on the singer) to front it out with the singer & tell him to wind it in a bit - one on one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stingrayPete1977 Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 I play in one of those bands where they were a 4 piece one day, split up the next and reformed as they were same set list etc with a new name and me on bass instead of the original one they hated! Everytime he sees any of the other band members out and about he just says "dickhead" to them in a sort of stereotype geek voice They are all in there 40's-50's straight back to the playground,Brilliant! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charic Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 [quote name='Truckstop' post='964944' date='Sep 22 2010, 08:57 PM']Option D: Fake your own death. Sometimes it's the only way out. Truckstop[/quote] E: Fake their death. Drink to their memory. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heathy Posted September 22, 2010 Author Share Posted September 22, 2010 I have spoken to the drummer and it appears that he agrees with me! Tried speaking to the guitarist, but he was round the singer's house - made my excuses and will speak to him tomorrow. Thanks fellow BC'ers - you're worth your weight in gold. p.s. Just to clarify - I wouldn't have gone for anything but option 'a' because I'm lovely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xilddx Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 [quote name='BigAlonBass' post='964873' date='Sep 22 2010, 08:16 PM'](a) would definitely be my choice as well. Never EVER issue an "it's them or me" ultimatum to Musicians, because you put them under pressure, look like a pr*ck, and they always get rid of the pr*ck. As for the sneaky tactics scenario, the same rule applies. If people realise what you're doing, you'll look a pr.............etc. etc. If you bow out gracefully (citing the Singer as the reason) they will probably look harder at the singer, and may even start noticing the things that annoy you. Stay friends with the guys, they may be giving you a call sooner than you think. [/quote] I doubt it's possible to express my opinion better than this, so I won't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ironside1966 Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 Get them all together and tell the truth but don't make it personal, say we rather than name any one, if the singers say are you having s go at me just say we are have a personality clash no one is to blame but that is one reason why I am not enjoying it. The other two are not stupid they should get what you mean and let them make the first move. Sneaky tactics and bitching not a good personality trait and most of the time it turns round to bite you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ironside1966 Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 also if it starts getting silly just leave. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delberthot Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 going to be in a similar position soon as my band of 14 years is about to come to an abrupt end. Anyone looking for the god of rock and roll who can learn songs as they occur? f*** it. seeing Picadilly, Fanny smith and Willy, Prridge oats Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris_b Posted September 23, 2010 Share Posted September 23, 2010 d) Try to resolve the problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris2112 Posted September 23, 2010 Share Posted September 23, 2010 At the end of the day, it's just a band. No point in getting yourself wound up or causing a load of grief over it. Just tell the other guys you're not happy with the singer and you're moving on. If you're friendly and mature about it you'll probably end up playing together again future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dougal Posted September 23, 2010 Share Posted September 23, 2010 I'm a bit late to the party, but insist everyone learns "Army" by Ben Folds and then take option a). They should get the hint. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EssentialTension Posted September 23, 2010 Share Posted September 23, 2010 [quote name='Truckstop' post='964944' date='Sep 22 2010, 08:57 PM']Option D: Fake your own death. Sometimes it's the only way out. Truckstop[/quote] Deja Vu. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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