ThomBassmonkey Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 A while ago, I was playing with an inflatable santa on my amp, I thought it sounded better at the time but I've just been toying with the idea and I've decided that the air inside give a slight valve effect, the sound vibrates through the top of the head into the santa, then is picked up again by the head, giving it the natural warmth of being bounced around inside the rubber inflatable. Your turn, the more rediculous, the better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Len_derby Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 Couple of months ago I was playing my CIJ '62RI Jazz and I couldn't help noticing that the slight but persistant pickup hum had stopped. I left the stage and tripped over my trouser leg sprawling over a table full of beer belonging to a group of Outlaws. As I drifted off into unconciousness I realised that the dragging trouser hem had caused an extra earth, so cancelling the pickup hum. Shame the bass was smashed to bits over my head. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
icastle Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 Keep your guitar leads in a portable refridgerator on stage. The lower temperature of the copper wire will allow better frequency response. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dood Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 Drummers use metal click pads on their bass drum skins to add more definition and attack to the sound of the drum. I'm selling some discs that you glue to your Bass speakers that improve tone and definition. Mine have holes in the middle to let the high frequencies through. Sold in packs of 4 (for a 4x10) for £10. Wait a moment whilst I upload a picture... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dood Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 Here's one fabricated for a 10" cone - it uses a secret recipe alloy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roland Rock Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 When the 9v battery on my bass died mid set, in an act of desperation, I wired my bass directly into the mains to get power. One unexpected benefit was that a small electric shock was administered every time a string was pressed onto a fret, and the immediate, instinctive release made for a fantastic fingerstyle funk technique. I'm working on a prototype now that does not make one's hair stand on end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EBS_freak Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 (edited) I've read about a few people on here breaking strings. I have come up with a one string bass. It means that there are less strings to break, therefore less of a problem. I've seen Sandbergs 2 string bass... this is better! Edited April 12, 2011 by EBS_freak Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skankdelvar Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 [b]Onboard Compressor[/b] By placing my onboard Skank-Ompressor [i]before [/i]the initial cable run you enhance harmonic squishiness by an undetermined order of magnitude. Resistance from the waxed cable in the output section generates opto-isolinear bounce which is relayed via a negative feedback circuit to a hierarchically earlier insert point. Your tone will BLOOM FOREVER! Choice of modern ceramic or vintage alnico jacks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skej21 Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 (edited) After hearing the worries of numerous fretless players regarding intonation, I've invented a new fretless technique called [b]'out-tonation'[/b]. Working on the scientific principle that 'you're always a fret away from a right note', the revolutionary new technique helps fretless bass players of all ability to play [b]"so far out, that it's in!"[/b] Resources and lessons to master this revolutionary new technique are available via PM. Edited April 12, 2011 by skej21 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jontywisp Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 I've come across a pack of genuine pre-CBS wood screws these can transform your bass tone, by letting the plastic pickguard breathe naturally Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yorks5stringer Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 (edited) My 'Thinsulate' Mittens worn over both hands stop your strings corroding with sweat and dead skin particles. Available in colours to match your Bass, your strings will last 4 times as long...... [attachment=77331:10878.jpg] Edited April 12, 2011 by yorks5stringer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yorks5stringer Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 (edited) Do you get unsightly Buckle Rash on the back of your expensive Bass? I will send you by download ( upon receipt of £25) my top secret tip (that many professional already use), explaining how to avoid this embarrasing condition. As endorsed by the Spinners, Val Doonican, and The Cardigans (damn and blast) Edited April 13, 2011 by yorks5stringer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Savage Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 Sadly, a genuine one from MusicRadar - avoid your 'elephant-ear' style bass tuners being knocked onstage by cutting them off with a hacksaw. I'm NOT joking Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paul_5 Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 for a small fee i can infuse the body of your instrument with a hallucinogen of your choice, when yot sweat during a gig the chemical will be absorbed through your freshly opened pores, leaving you free to trip your tits off, hands free, during each and every performance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrismuzz Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Top Tip! Become a better bass player by simply buying one with more strings! Ever since I made the move to 6 strings, I get compliments from impressed/intrigued punters BEFORE I play, and not AFTER I play like i used to Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
icastle Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 [quote name='Ian Savage' post='1197667' date='Apr 13 2011, 12:01 AM']Sadly, a genuine one from MusicRadar - avoid your 'elephant-ear' style bass tuners being knocked onstage by cutting them off with a hacksaw. I'm NOT joking [/quote] And I bet someone on Expert Village will have a video showing how to do it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShergoldSnickers Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 I've made a rigid cage for my speaker cab to sit on. It has spikes on the top, and can be cleverly bolted to any stage surface, by use of a small hole saw and a set of gold-plated coach bolts. The spikes dig in to the cab bottom, and couple the mass of the Earth to the cab. The cones are then only working to move air and not wobble the cab about*. I've also filled the reflex port with drinking straws to give a laminar airflow. The older paper straws work best, giving a more solid and extended response, the plastic ones suck in comparison. The amplifier sits on a bed of nitrogen rich compressed air, damping over 97% of the cab vibration and quashing any spurious microphonics. A fourth order compound Butterworth and Whitworth threaded filter network spins odd order harmonics off to the sides - like the Dyson cleaner vortex principle. I have Surinam Malachite crystals adhered to the top of the 12AX7 input valve, using a specially developed ceramic adhesive paste made in France – Po Le Filleur Platinum Edition. This opens up the mids and top, getting rid of squawk and splash, whilst aiding my creativity and allowing my emotions full reign. Special unobtrusive cheek receptacles catch the tears. I'm experimenting with a willow neck and hand-stitched leather strings (steel core) at the moment, but curiously the sound only improves when I wear the custom leg pads and clutch the drummer's bails. * Hmmmmm.... wonders.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xgsjx Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Always wanted to play Phat basslines? Does your bass sound thin in the mix? Then you need LARD! LARD will fatten up your bass making it possible to produce those phat bass lines that you've always dreamed of and a 250g block can be yours for just £27.99! Just PM me today with some money & I'll send you a free sample* So what are you waiting for? Get your bass fattened up NOW!!! *To be eligible for a free sample you will be required to send just £9.99 to cover postage & cutting charges. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Vader Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Everyone knows that cloth wrapped wire sounds better than plastic, so I have woven a bag to go around my entire bass, including the strings (individually cloth wrapped) the resultant cloth soundingness is as vintage and perfect as you can get, will perform the mod for £20000 per bass, worth every penny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EdwardHimself Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 [quote name='dood' post='1197336' date='Apr 12 2011, 09:12 PM']Drummers use metal click pads on their bass drum skins to add more definition and attack to the sound of the drum.[/quote] LOL that is a waste of time. Just tune your drum head down really low, so when you hit it with the beater it tightens up and makes a high pitched sound. Use fluorescent coloured cables. The lumiescence transfers to your tone... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheRev Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Bassists! Here is your chance to own a revolutionary new power cable that will change the face of bass playing as we know it! You play electric bass, your amp runs off electricity, so unless you use the best quality electricity you can get your sound will suck ball sacks, regardless of how good your bass is, how well developed your technique is or how inherently musical you are! By using uni-directional, virgin, heavier effective gauge copper strands in a right handed helical braid (to match the rotation of the earth and negate the detrimental effects of the earth's magnetic field) this scientifically proven* new cable kicks the performance up a notch. The result is more clarity and resolution, bass extension, dynamics and transient speed, natural warmth and tone! £150 per 2 metre cord * [size=2][size=1]This product has not been scientifically proven[/size][/size] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LawrenceH Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 I've always found actual snake oil makes an excellent fretbaord conditioner - I prefer to use British snake oil. Adder for my P/J for a solid, all round tone, grass snake on a J-bass with flats is great for dub. Smooth snake oil is quite rare so hard to get but it gives a real silky finish on my fretless, ideal for jazz. Coral snake is also good but it's difficult to be sure it's genuine stuff and not just milksnake oil. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Low End Bee Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Pick players. Embarassed that you can't play fingerstyle and fit in with other bassists? Simply screw a couple of these on to the end of your plectrum and you'll be envy of all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amnesia Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 [quote name='ShergoldSnickers' post='1197785' date='Apr 13 2011, 08:41 AM']...The older paper straws work best, giving a more solid and extended response, the plastic ones suck in comparison. .[/quote] I see what you did there. Very clever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yorick Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Jeff Berlin...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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