The Things They Say To Annoy Us.

[skej21]

[quote name='ahpook' post='1249555' date='May 29 2011, 07:40 PM']"aaaaah, you can't play bass unless you slap"[/quote]

Cue a swift slap 'round the chops for him?

[Pete Academy]

[quote name='ahpook' post='1249555' date='May 29 2011, 07:40 PM']not a gig-related one, but this happened very recently.

"ow wow...so you play bass...can't you slap ?"

/mimes slapping thumb/

"not really"

"aaaaah, you can't play bass unless you slap"


[/quote]

[woodster]

"it'll sound loads different when there's people in here"

No it won't...

Edited May 29, 2011 by woodster

[spike]

"So bass is easier than guitar, isn't it?"

[jezzaboy]

"Friday night`s usually jumping, I don`t know why it so quiet" - said to us by the pub manager after he persuaded us to move from jumpin saturdays to dead as a dodo friday nights.

We are bass, vocals, guitar and drums. The last gig someone asked for some Elton John to which he got "can you see a f**kin piano mate?"

Jez

[LeftyBiskit]

Had this one at a local dive years ago-
Oi! turn that F*$@in smoke machine off-I'm Fu%&"n asthmatic me!
Said the pissed up old chainsmoking tart

[deepbass5]

The One that use to crack us up was

End of the night the Club secretary would get up on stage and take the Mic to thank the band then say. " Next week we've got a really good band......

[Phil-osopher10]

Drummer, Why are you using a pick? Fingers sound better and warmer.

Me, do you use different sticks?

Oh and I had previously played the rest of the songs with fingers, nob

[spinynorman]

"Power socket? I'm sure there's one round here somewhere."

Landlord, whose brother in law, allegedly, used to roadie for Shawaddywaddy, after we'd had a bit of feedback in the first set, which was quickly sorted out. " You should use SM58s. Never get feedback with SM58s." (We use SM58s).

[deepbass5]

Just thought of another really cringe worthy line.

A drummer I know used to back touring American artist round the UK in the early 70's

In one northern club the Entertainment secretary got up to introduce the act.

" Now at great expense we have for you tonight Four Black guys from America, they're not my cup of tea but you might like them, Ladies and Gentlemen - The Four Tops".

Another storey to add to that, as part of their act the band would start up and they would file out dancing from a stage side door through the audience then come up the steps in the centre of the stage, split off into formation and start singing, One night the Roadie decided it would be funny to take the steps away. They came in as usual then had to give each other a leg up the 4' high stage with the audience in stitches.

[risingson]

Query: "You're going to have to pay for soft drinks" Answer: "No, you're going to have to find another band for the evening"

Query: "Can I have a go on your (inset instrument here, usually drums)" Answer: "Only if I can come round to your house and recklessly endanger some of your prize possessions"

Query: "Do you play Sex On Fire?" "No... just no."

etc

[Kongo]

@ a gig where all bands are having separate sound checks before the gig starts.
Sound guy is outside for 10 mins smoking and a band has set up ready, making the sound check now 10 mins late, all the bands up to now have been using combos.
Were up last, a progressive band and have head and cab combinations as well as effects units, in the midst of setting up when we get:

"Can you hurry it up please, we're running late"

I understand start times but DAMN that does my nut in!

:-/

Edited May 30, 2011 by Kongo

[chrismuzz]

6 strings? Isn't that just a guitar?

[clauster]

"Where are you going with your amp? The promoter said I could use it." (Every time I've been asked this the promoter has not asked about kit-share)

[arthurhenry]

"You can't leave until the DJ finishes at 2am, my punters didn't pay to have to avoid you carrying your gear across the dancefloor."

[Slipperydick]

[quote name='clauster' post='1249881' date='May 30 2011, 07:06 AM']"Where are you going with your amp? The promoter said I could use it." (Every time I've been asked this the promoter has not asked about kit-share)[/quote]

Yeah, love thatn one.

Then if you take pity on him, he changes all your settings, making the sound check you just did a waste of time.

Edited May 30, 2011 by Slipperydick

[ShergoldSnickers]

"Somebody's nicked yer frets... ha...ha"
"And yet it still has more frets than you have brain cells" – points to zero fret near headstock.

"You've lost a couple of strings mate... ha...ha"
"And I've also just lost the bet that my will to live would last the evening"

"How can you just go up there and all make it up as you go along?"
"I know... we've got a bleedin' nerve eh?"

The last one's the truth.

[MoonBassAlpha]

I'm guilty of this one, to my old band who now have a different bass player, and the singer now plays drums AND sings at the same time:

Me: "I like that one you did that starts slowish then gets faster and faster"

Drummer/Singer: "Oh, cheers, which one was that?"

Me: "All of them!"

I can be a cruel bastard sometimes, but this was actually true!

[leschirons]

Two weeks ago, chatting to a guy in another band.

Me "Is so and so still in the band?"

Him "Yeah but he's been demoted to bass"

[wombatboter]

"Can you keep the volume down during the first two or three songs ?...the people are still eating their dessert"

Or the person who booked the band comes into the dressingroom before the gig while you are still eating around a table which is too small and says (while he lays his hand on your shoulder) : "Are you ready to give us an amazing time !!"

[Toddy54]

This happened a quite few years ago, we were setting up in a small town hall when these two punters came over and said to our singer, Oy you d'yer play oat by the smiths, our singer turn round and said , is that one f or two, they went back to the bar.

[steve-soar]

A journalist, , from the NME said to me, "you had that shirt on last night", I replied, "do you see a f***ing washing machine in the back of our bus?"

[Pete Academy]

The old workingmen's club story.

'As you know, one of our best loved members died yesterday. In these tragic circumstances, I would ask everyone in this club for a minute's silence in honour of Ernest.'

A minute later.

'Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome tonight's band!...'

[Pete Academy]

[quote name='steve-soar' post='1250537' date='May 30 2011, 05:40 PM']A journalist, , from the NME said to me, "you had that shirt on last night", I replied, "do you see a f***ing washing machine in the back of our bus?"[/quote]

[Monckyman]

During the "Bingo break", northern workingmens club.
Whilst discussing the setlist a gnarled old crone clutching a pint and a woodbine leans ovfer and says "oi!, shut f***ing up will yers? We ave ter listen to [i]you[/i]!"