woodyratm Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Just when i thought the band saga had came to an end, the drummer throws a spanner in the works! He's a total gym buff (so goes several times a week) and is now doing pole dancing (srsly!) and is starting yoga and a martial art. Myself and the guitarist were worried he would be commited and make booking practices near impossible. I spoke to drummer tonight and he's assured me he'd make them. IF they were about 9/10 at night or after 5 on weekends. I should add that he does NOT practice on his own.. Myself and the guitarist attempt to practice for a few hours each night with the songs to learn them and learn what we're doing. Drummer does not. Soooooo i say to guitarist that drummer should be willing to practice more and improve.. I got this reply. "I know this whole drummer thing is kinda harsh but I'm feeling now I have to be happy and enjoy music to play in a band. I guess I got worn down by the constant fails onstage and we had before. I had too much on my plate and I'm more than happy to admit it, hence me stopping singing/simplifying what I do to the point it's at now and sorting myself out/rediscovering my inspiration and love of my guitar. I just don't know if I can handle another gig with the end of a song failing and overshooting/dropped sticks/missing a beat/going out of time/losing concentration and no effort being made to sort it out in practice, if at all. I mean I'll give him benefit of the doubt cos he's obvs one of my best mates, as you obviously are too, but I'm not really up for embarrassment onstage anymore. I mean...we'll have some badass tunes, and they deserve to be played to their utmost and appreciated. I'm happy he's stoked...but that's never really made much of a difference before, what's going to different now?" I kinda agree... But this a drummer whos one of my closest mates and i've known for years. The stuff we do is to a click and needs the drums in time. Anyone got any ideas what i should do? Feel like a middle man and its pretty stressful! Rant over! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LukeFRC Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 friends are more important than music. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jam Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 [quote name='LukeFRC' timestamp='1326755361' post='1501687'] friends are more important than music. [/quote] +1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woodyratm Posted January 16, 2012 Author Share Posted January 16, 2012 So should i just continue playing with a drummer who falls out of time etc? He's not wanting to stop the band. I just wish he'd practice more Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jam Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 (edited) If he's that good a friend, then surely you could say something along the lines of "are you sure with taking all this extra stuff on you'll find time to practice drums outside band practice?", without causing problems? *edit* Also, love the band name. Snake? Snake?! SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!! Edited January 16, 2012 by Jam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris_b Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 (edited) [quote name='LukeFRC' timestamp='1326755361' post='1501687'] ....friends are more important than music.... [/quote] [size=4]That's why you should never be in a band with one of them.[/size] Edited January 16, 2012 by chris_b Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gust0o Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Friends are more important than music, and thus it might be best to get him out of the band before the music ruins the friendship That's the flipside to some of the comments above. If it's genuinely not working, I don't buy persevering for the sake of it - put a stop on it before it does start to dig into any of the friendships. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guildbass Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 it's a nightmare. I think your mate is in the band cuz it's cool to be in a band...he's clearly a tad narcissistic. If the music mattered to him he'd be trying to improve all the time. you are going to struggle to get him to put any more drum time in because he doesn't think he needs it...Either that or he doesn't care enough about you guys to be arsed...Lets assume the first one... He's going to have to lose some preening time and use it to practise... He needs to get one of those electric kits and some phones. You could try a ploy...Do you know anyone who could do a half decent 'live' recording for you?...You know, set up some mics and get the tracks down onto disc... if yes then arrange a room and see if you can't borrow a decent drummer for the early part of the evening... Put the track down with the good guy, and then when your chap gets there at 10 or whatever, do the track again with him. Let him know you want to record and let him know because he can't be there you are borrowing the other guy just to fill in. Hopefully, when he hears the two versions he'll realise and then he'll decide whether he can afford to give up some gym time...or not. The thing is, to retain a mate, HE has to decide so YOU have to manipulate the situation until he is unable NOT to see the issues... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woodyratm Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 [quote name='guildbass' timestamp='1326757774' post='1501719'] it's a nightmare. I think your mate is in the band cuz it's cool to be in a band...he's clearly a tad narcissistic. If the music mattered to him he'd be trying to improve all the time. you are going to struggle to get him to put any more drum time in because he doesn't think he needs it...Either that or he doesn't care enough about you guys to be arsed...Lets assume the first one... He's going to have to lose some preening time and use it to practise... He needs to get one of those electric kits and some phones. You could try a ploy...Do you know anyone who could do a half decent 'live' recording for you?...You know, set up some mics and get the tracks down onto disc... if yes then arrange a room and see if you can't borrow a decent drummer for the early part of the evening... Put the track down with the good guy, and then when your chap gets there at 10 or whatever, do the track again with him. Let him know you want to record and let him know because he can't be there you are borrowing the other guy just to fill in. Hopefully, when he hears the two versions he'll realise and then he'll decide whether he can afford to give up some gym time...or not. The thing is, to retain a mate, HE has to decide so YOU have to manipulate the situation until he is unable NOT to see the issues... [/quote] hah i quite like this idea, albiet it seems underhand but sod it. it might be the wake up call he needs... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bilbo Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 My Dad was a lovely guy but I never booked him as a drummer..... You can't compromise your music to protect the feelings of a weak link. He is clearly not as commtted as the rest of you. ALl you need to do is to say 'Hey bud. We love you and value your friendship but, as far as the band is concerned, you aren't cutting it. We need the music to be as good as it can be and your approach to your instrument and to the band is undermining its credibility. So you need to know that we are loking to replace you.....etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
icastle Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 [quote name='woodyratm' timestamp='1326756111' post='1501697'] So should i just continue playing with a drummer who falls out of time etc? He's not wanting to stop the band. I just wish he'd practice more [/quote] Well tell him. If he's a friend then 1) you shouldn't keep things like this from him and 2) he'll take it 'on the chin' and either move along or start working to rectify the situation. At the moment all you're doing is setting yourself to take a fall regardless of whether he stays or leaves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monckyman Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Some good comments above. What it boils down to is, how much do YOU want your musical activities to improve? If it`s important to you, then do something about it. If he`s a friend, he`ll get it. No crime here, people often want different things. Just don`t let what he wants, prevent you getting what you want. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gary mac Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 [i]A [/i]couple of years back I had a similar situation with a guitarist. Said guitarist was a good friend as were the other band members. We gelled as mates and musically. But his reliability was just awful. Week in week out we would all be set up at rehearsal and waiting for him to hopefully turn up. Sometimes he did, more often he didn't. Sometimes he would phone, sometimes not. I stuck with it for about a year or so, until I decided enough was enough. I had come to the conclusion that the situation wasn't going to change and that I didnt want to spoil our friendship with a falling out, which there would have been, as I was starting to feel that it was a real insult leaving us all hanging each week. So, the friendship was preserved and I'm now in a couple of bands where everyone seems to be equally committed. My old mates are still at it, although not one gig since I left and only a handful of rehearsals in a year or so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve-bbb Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 [url="http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/nowplaying/DR55.jpg"]http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/nowplaying/DR55.jpg[/url] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chaypup Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 [quote name='LukeFRC' timestamp='1326755361' post='1501687'] friends are more important than music. [/quote] In which case he'll understand that you need to replace him and remailn friends with you both. ...Unless he's a prima donna idiot who'll get massively offended and not speak to you for the next 6 months EVEN THOUGH IT WASN'T YOU WHO WANTED HIM OUT AND YOU ARGUED HIS CASE. Move along now, nothing to see here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woodyratm Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 [quote name='steve-bbb' timestamp='1326790333' post='1501837'] [url="http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/nowplaying/DR55.jpg"]http://www.bbc.co.uk...laying/DR55.jpg[/url] [/quote] Hah i was thinking of just programming the drums and having them out the PA. we're thinking we might just kill the band - then reform with another name (sadly!) in a few months time. If drummer doesn't get his act together. All these suggestions are great, but he's the kinda guy who will be totally upset by this. It may be cowardly but at least it keeps him from being totally destroyed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lozz196 Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 I was in a band with a really good mate who, never practised at home, refused to play riffs as I wrote them, turned up way too loud fo rthe rest of the band, and would refuse to do gigs, if "he didn`t feel like it", despite what anyone else in the band wanted,. Totally ruined the friendship. We still get on ok if we see each other, but, and I`m fairly sure the feeling is mutual, it wouldn`t bother me if I never saw him again. Friendship is more important, have learned that to my cost. Pay heed to other peoples similar experiences, and don`t let anything come in the way of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve-bbb Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 [quote name='woodyratm' timestamp='1326791259' post='1501852'] Hah i was thinking of just programming the drums and having them out the PA. we're thinking we might just kill the band - then reform with another name (sadly!) in a few months time. If drummer doesn't get his act together. All these suggestions are great, but he's the kinda guy who will be totally upset by this. It may be cowardly but at least it keeps him from being totally destroyed [/quote] you could always have that pic printed on a tshirt for your next 'rehearsal' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gust0o Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 [quote name='Bilbo' timestamp='1326781786' post='1501785'] My Dad was a lovely guy but I never booked him as a drummer..... You can't compromise your music to protect the feelings of a weak link. He is clearly not as commtted as the rest of you. ALl you need to do is to say 'Hey bud. We love you and value your friendship but, as far as the band is concerned, you aren't cutting it. We need the music to be as good as it can be and your approach to your instrument and to the band is undermining its credibility. So you need to know that we are loking to replace you.....etc. [/quote] Yup. And, if he really is a friend, he should be able to understand why you need to do it - either that, or you could let the music go sour and take the friendship with it. Just move him on. Nicely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thumperbob 2002 Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 True, friends are more important than music- but surely he will see that the band is important too and if he really wants to play he will either improve or quit. Been in lots of bands - some with pretty ropey drummers and for a bass player there is nothing worse. Seems like this fitness lark is more important to him......go figure!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thisnameistaken Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 If you're friends then I'm sure you can put your point across without upsetting him - just tell him you both want to improve the bits of your performance that aren't currently up to scratch and so you want to practise more, not less. Make the point that you don't think his new schedule is going to work and ask him if he can commit however much more time you need. If he can't then he's talked himself out of the gig, but he might be willing to try a bit harder. TBH bands are often like this, with one player who needs to put more work in and only one person willing to talk to them about improving. And quite often it ends up with the one person who wants the change leaving the band because the others don't want to upset anyone. Then the band is left with nobody with any drive to improve, and that is a sh*t band. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neepheid Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 (edited) [quote name='woodyratm' timestamp='1326791259' post='1501852'] we're thinking we might just kill the band - then reform with another name (sadly!) in a few months time. If drummer doesn't get his act together. [/quote] That's a bit underhand. Aberdeen's a small place - do you think he won't find out? [quote] All these suggestions are great, but he's the kinda guy who will be totally upset by this. It may be cowardly but at least it keeps him from being totally destroyed [/quote] He'll be totally destroyed if you do what you propose above. If you just front it up and be open and honest then sure he'll be disappointed and possibly even upset but that's what relationships are about. Something I am still learning after 3 years of marriage is that while it seems wrong to upset my wife by expressing a negative opinion or dislike of something she is saying/doing/wearing, any short term aggro/upset is quickly replaced with a respect for honesty and security derived from feeling comfortable enough to be able to share the bad as well as the good. Edited January 17, 2012 by neepheid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BassBus Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 (edited) [quote name='guildbass' timestamp='1326757774' post='1501719'] The thing is, to retain a mate, HE has to decide so YOU have to manipulate the situation until he is unable NOT to see the issues... [/quote] This is a terrible idea. When you start playing political manipulation you'll not only loose a drummer but a friend as well. Manipulation is never a good idea and is usually only used by bullies. As a lot of posters have said just be upfront about it. When you work with people there will, from time to time, be those who do not pull their weight. Something has to be done about it. So basically, put up or shut up and accept the situation. The choice is yours. Edited January 17, 2012 by BassBus Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bilbo Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 The importance of friendship is not the issue here. Be adult about it and have the discussion with him. Breaking the band up and reforming it without him, new name or not, is not going to fool the guy, is it? You want to be professional about it then you have to deal with the issue, not mince around it. Its not like you are on the verge of the greatest record deal in history (if you were, by the way, the label would tell you to get rid of him) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve-bbb Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 [quote name='Bilbo' timestamp='1326793060' post='1501892'] The importance of friendship is not the issue here. Be adult about it and have the discussion with him. Breaking the band up and reforming it without him, new name or not, is not going to fool the guy, is it? You want to be professional about it then you have to deal with the issue, not mince around it. Its not like you are on the verge of the greatest record deal in history (if you were, by the way, the label would tell you to get rid of him) [/quote] or maybe they would keep him - who wants a band where everybody is totally happy families?? i bet even now there are A&R guys and Events Promotions scheming how they can plan the Robbie Williams v Gary Barlow blue collar cage fight - pay per view of course Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.