Is being in a full-time band compatible with family life?

[Roland Rock]

I've often thought it would be great if our band were miraculously signed to a big label - being able to make money doing what I love. However, I'm now a family man with a wife and two young kids. Do you think the band/family things are compatible?

How much money could one expect to make?
How much time away from home would one expect? 50 weeks a year? 15 weeks a year?

Edited May 9, 2012 by Roland Rock

[chrismuzz]

It's possible, don't get me wrong. But you'd have to be very lucky in order to have a stable income to support them if your wife doesn't work herself. It takes a long time and a lot of work/touring in order to be able to make any sort of living from music. Saying that I hope it works out for you if that's what you really want man!

I'm very lucky in that have a job where I work shifts and it's fairly flexible so if I did have the opportunity to make something of myself in the music world, I could probably work out a compromise between the two.

[BigRedX]

IME you can only do 2 out of the following:

1. Be in a relationship
2. Have a full-time job
3. Be in a band that is more than a hobby

[discreet]

^^ This.

[chrismuzz]

[quote name='BigRedX' timestamp='1336546035' post='1647133']
IME you can only do 2 out of the following:

1. Be in a relationship
2. Have a full-time job
3. Be in a band that is more than a hobby
[/quote]

I agree, BUT there are exceptions if your good lady is some kind of super woman who doesn't mind you taking the piss a bit!

[jakenewmanbass]

When my kids were young I had a 14 day away limit, I was lucky enough to have a stable gig (which I still do) that paid the mortgage and have done various other freelance sessions gigs and bits of teaching, but my main source has always been that one gig. Luckily the band leader, like me, has 3 kids so the rule suited him too. Now my youngest is 9 I am happier to go away for longer as I know that not only will they be ok with it, but they like what I do. I'm hoping on some touring in the not too distant future and I'm starting to get involved in more freelance work than before...
I have quite a few observations about what it means for family life so feel free to PM if you want more thoughts. I have never missed a mortgage payment, never run up debts and have always bought my cars outright, I moved from Manchester to the South East 7 years ago and have survived very well on a musicians wage, although in the past 5 my wife (formerly a singer hopefully soon to get back into it) has started a music group with pre school kids business which is doing very well, so well in fact that we have started up in a neighbouring district with a staff member.
You can do it if you want it, but young families will not tolerate being under funded and left alone for long periods so think hard about the balance you would strike and be sure that you would actually be in work... the last comment requires a wide skill base in a shrinking world of work.

[skej21]

Agree with all of the above. You also have to be very lucky to find a project that pays well enough to allow you to support a family.

I recently got asked to audition for a signed band that are relatively big (been on jools etc) as I know the singer, and before I even went to the audition he said 'we make enough so that you won't have to pay for anything whilst we're out on tour, but you probably won't take more than £40 a gig away with you'... I've had this with nearly all of the signed artists and 'names' that I've played/auditioned for.

Whilst that would be fine if it was just me (and was a great way to get some experience and save pocket money when I was a student) that's no good if you're trying to support others.

I've also had a few band mates who have come back home after touring to find the other half has packed up and left (and on one case taken the kids with) too. Gigging and touring is a crazy world to get into and you need to be careful, but if it works it's the most rewarding thing you can do IMO.

Edited June 17, 2012 by skej21

[jay]

[quote name='chrismuzz' timestamp='1336546812' post='1647143']
I agree, BUT there are exceptions if your good lady is some kind of super woman who doesn't mind you taking the piss a bit!
[/quote]

Or if your good lady happens to be a sound engineer or tech!

[BigRedX]

[quote name='chrismuzz' timestamp='1336546812' post='1647143']
I agree, BUT there are exceptions if your good lady is some kind of super woman who doesn't mind you taking the piss a bit!
[/quote]

I've found that generally having a full-time job is the biggest obstacle to being in a band. With my previous employer the only way I could guarantee getting to a gig on a working day that required me to be out of the house with my gear before 7.00 (pretty much every gig except late stating local ones) was to take the whole day off and not to answer the phone at all. One year I used up pretty much all of my holiday allocation doing this...

[Len_derby]

[quote name='BigRedX' timestamp='1336546035' post='1647133']
IME you can only do 2 out of the following:

1. Be in a relationship
2. Have a full-time job
3. Be in a band that is more than a hobby
[/quote]

I agree with this, but I suggest the addition of number [b]4. Have children that you want to be actively involved with.[/b]
This makes the permutation of which ones of the 4 you can achieve/ juggle a bit more complex.

I all but gave up playing for about 8 years when our twins came along.
However, being a dad did have very positive benefits on the music. It was their growing interest in music that really got me fired-up again. Plus, it's amazing what you can justify doing and spending your money on. I've bought 'them' drum kits, guitars, basses, keyboards etc. They're both gigging musicians now, which is great. If I hadn't been a dad I would probably never learned to play the drums.

Edited May 9, 2012 by Len_derby

[RhysP]

[quote name='Roland Rock' timestamp='1336541120' post='1647111']
Do you think the band/family things are compatible?
[/quote]

The divorce rate among professional musicians is one of the highest there is.

[shizznit]

When I was working for the label I was the only guy in the band that was single. The other members had their own families. My absence from home was never a big issue for me, but it was quite tough for the other guys. Nobody likes to be away from their families for a long period of time and it is important to get as much support from your partner/spouse as possible. Whenever we were arguing with each other the stem of the emotions usually came down to home sickness or an unresolved problems back home that couldn't be solved over a phone call. For example....my singer missed his youngest boy's 1st birthday and missed his wedding anniversary 3yrs in a row, my guitarist's wife was involved in a car accident whilst we were in Portugal one time.

Luckily, we never spent anything more than a couple of weeks away on tour and our down time was quite often very extensive (mostly down to our moronic management and promoters). Despite having a pretty light tour expectation the time away from home was particularly tough for the other guys. Management teams at a label will work you in a very different way to a 9-5 office job. They will book you for gigs and media commitments despite of your personal commitments. You can't call your manager to ask to cancel a gig in the same way you can ask your manager in the office for a day of annual leave on short notice. You have to consider that if you are a 5-piece band and all of you wanted to block out the schedule for a day off on your birthday, your partners birthday, your kids birthday, anniversaries, a holiday abroad with your family, every public holiday, taking the cat to the vet...etc...you won't get much work done. The label decides when you all have down time and thats when you get to spend time with your family and friends. Its a hard business to work in and it takes a lot of commitment not just from yourself, but everyone around you to support your career.

But, there is one very important thing...you have to make money! If you want to write and perform full-time you cannot rely on selling a few t-shirts at a gig to pay the bills. It’s the reality of dividing delusion of grandeur from business. When folks hear that I was a full-time signed musician they go "wow!'" and I reply "big deal"...I really don't have anything to show for it. We had a lot of fun...we really did, but our enjoyment came at a price and we entered into the world of music a but short sighted. After only 18 months of being signed we jacked it in because despite of the constant touring for several years leading up to our deal we were not making enough money to support our families and damn near bankrupted all of us. All of this could have been different if we were an overnight hit, but we weren't. Very few bands get that instant success and sometimes takes years of hard work and sacrifice to build any kind of success whatsoever. I'm not saying that this will apply to every band...if you are instantly successful then all the best for the future...enjoy it, but remember that a very small percentage of bands get signed and even fewer gain enough success to make any significant money for themselves.

Edited May 9, 2012 by shizznit

[El Bajo]

I've entered the music busniess late after years of pretty much just playing in my bedroom, I'm 31. Things look to be kicking off for our band now but fortunatley the other guys are on massive wages and have families and so have no intentions of making it a full time commitment or bow down to a labels demands which means I feel I've struck gold in that respect. If the band DID become full time, I would have to bow out gracefully. My wife would obviously say I should stick with it but I just don't think its fair on her working full time and taking care of a VERY hyper 2 year old. Plus theres to much at stake spends wise.

I thing its a little easier if you meet your partner after you've established yourself then the expectation is there but to drasticly change the lifestyles of yourself and partner and kids is just unfair. Bare in mind I am speaking from a family that already struggles to make ends meet. If your wife was some kind of high flying entrepreneur and theres no money worries go for it!

[flyfisher]

Seems to me that the question is too generalised to be useful and that the actual answer will entirely depend on the two people concerned rather than their working arrangements.

Show business is full of examples of couples who have been happily married for decades and others who've split up after a few months apart.

[Lozz196]

I don`t know about family life, but being in a band with touring responsibilites, and trying to combine it with a full-time job I found unworkable. Scenario:

Ggo to work at 8:30am, at 6:00pm get picked up from work, driven to Wales to do a gig, dropped off at home at 4:00am (cos the others who don`t work don`t see why they should be leaving any earlier than 1:am). Repeat for a whole week.

Totally knackering. And we were fortunate that our guitarist owned our record label, so we had agreater say in what we could/would do.

[neepheid]

My wife is very supportive of my musical exploits, likes our band and says it can go as far as we want it to. But the thought of what that might mean, and compromising a pretty secure job and a generous pension scares the bejesus out of me.

[BottomE]

My dads done it for years - i mean like 30 years and him and mum seem sorted. The flipside is they start getting crazy if they spend too much time together. You have to have an understanding family and love doing your music more than watching your kids grow up. Personally, its not worth it to me. Being around the kids and watching them grow is much more important to me than anything else.

[Rick's Fine '52]

[quote name='chrismuzz' timestamp='1336546812' post='1647143']
I agree, BUT there are exceptions if your good lady is some kind of super woman who doesn't mind you taking the piss a bit!
[/quote]

This, that's why I quit, because I don't have a wife who liked me taking the piss, and I kinda grew out of it, and was happy to spend more time with the family of course.

It wasn't just the gigs, it was the rehearsals, writing time etc. If I was just in a covers band that didnt need much practice then it may have been different, but I wasn't.

Enjoyed it immensely while I was doing it, but I don't miss it.

[skankdelvar]

Of course, full-time doesn't have to mean vast blocks of time away from home.

Could be a year of Fri and Sat night gigs round the UK. Sort of like Wilko Johnson and suchlike. 100-odd gigs at a £200 (net) per gig would be nice.

[BigRedX]

Someone like Wilko Johnson is only in that enviable position now because of all the hard slog he's put into it in the past.

[skankdelvar]

[quote name='BigRedX' timestamp='1336562885' post='1647458']
Someone like Wilko Johnson is only in that enviable position now because of all the hard slog he's put into it in the past.
[/quote]

True. Just saying that sort of gig would be a nice compromise.

[BluRay]

It was - purely and simply - having to work that killed it for me. Being in a (small-ish) signed band with label and frequent tour commitments was completely incompatible with 9-5. I don't think anyone looked at a map when booking the tours, so I'd normally have to grab a few hours kip in the van before fetching up for work. None of the other guys worked full time, so there was a lot of pressure on me to feign illness (or other creative excuse for not turning up). The job went pearshaped on account of attendance record and dishevelled appearance, but the music didn't cover the bills either and imploded soon after. Bugger. There's no way I could manage now with family too - not unless it was a proper pro outfit with enough dosh to pay decent retainer. I doubt there's many opportunities like that! So its hobby bands all the way for me these days - yet still there's always someone in the band (usually with 6 strings and a marshall halfstack) who wants everyone else to jack their jobs in and make a go of it

[Len_derby]

[quote name='neepheid' timestamp='1336559204' post='1647373']
My wife is very supportive of my musical exploits, likes our band and says it can go as far as we want it to. But the thought of what that might mean, and compromising a pretty secure job and a[b] generous pension [/b]scares the bejesus out of me.
[/quote]

I don't disagree with your dilema and the fact you are taking it seriously.
But, personally, I wouldn't put aside my dreams and ambitions in the hope/expectation that a pension scheme will pay up sometime in the future.

[Linus27]

[quote name='shizznit' timestamp='1336552147' post='1647236']
When I was working for the label I was the only guy in the band that was single. The other members had their own families. My absence from home was never a big issue for me, but it was quite tough for the other guys. Nobody likes to be away from their families for a long period of time and it is important to get as much support from your partner/spouse as possible. Whenever we were arguing with each other the stem of the emotions usually came down to home sickness or an unresolved problems back home that couldn't be solved over a phone call. For example....my singer missed his youngest boy's 1st birthday and missed his wedding anniversary 3yrs in a row, my guitarist's wife was involved in a car accident whilst we were in Portugal one time.

Luckily, we never spent anything more than a couple of weeks away on tour and our down time was quite often very extensive (mostly down to our moronic management and promoters). Despite having a pretty light tour expectation the time away from home was particularly tough for the other guys. Management teams at a label will work you in a very different way to a 9-5 office job. They will book you for gigs and media commitments despite of your personal commitments. You can't call your manager to ask to cancel a gig in the same way you can ask your manager in the office for a day of annual leave on short notice. You have to consider that if you are a 5-piece band and all of you wanted to block out the schedule for a day off on your birthday, your partners birthday, your kids birthday, anniversaries, a holiday abroad with your family, every public holiday, taking the cat to the vet...etc...you won't get much work done. The label decides when you all have down time and thats when you get to spend time with your family and friends. Its a hard business to work in and it takes a lot of commitment not just from yourself, but everyone around you to support your career.

But, there is one very important thing...you have to make money! If you want to write and perform full-time you cannot rely on selling a few t-shirts at a gig to pay the bills. It’s the reality of dividing delusion of grandeur from business. When folks hear that I was a full-time signed musician they go "wow!'" and I reply "big deal"...I really don't have anything to show for it. We had a lot of fun...we really did, but our enjoyment came at a price and we entered into the world of music a but short sighted. After only 18 months of being signed we jacked it in because despite of the constant touring for several years leading up to our deal we were not making enough money to support our families and damn near bankrupted all of us. All of this could have been different if we were an overnight hit, but we weren't. Very few bands get that instant success and sometimes takes years of hard work and sacrifice to build any kind of success whatsoever. I'm not saying that this will apply to every band...if you are instantly successful then all the best for the future...enjoy it, but remember that a very small percentage of bands get signed and even fewer gain enough success to make any significant money for themselves.
[/quote]

Your life story/experience is pretty much exactly the same as mine. The only difference is we had to sue the record company for breach and when we won that case, we then jacked it in as we needed money and were burnt out.

[KevB]

I was recently asked to audition for a band (though it didn't really turn out like a proper audition at all it was so disorganised) and then I was given a load of guff by the band leader how much time they were going to be spending in the USA and Europe. Now the 'band' (actually an earlier version of the band in the 80's) did have history playing abroad so it wasn't totally delusional. However I just stopped him in his tracks and said I wasn't the guy they were looking for, full time job to cling to and all that. As others have said it your working life that dictates how seriously you go down the band route as much as your personal life. It's interesting to see just how many reasonable 'name' bands when you look at their tour dates these days are mainly playing weekends with very few weekday gigs, ie one or more band members have full time Mon - Fri day jobs!