Is being in a full-time band compatible with family life?

[neepheid]

[quote name='Len_derby' timestamp='1336565855' post='1647545']
I don't disagree with your dilema and the fact you are taking it seriously.
But, personally, I wouldn't put aside my dreams and ambitions in the hope/expectation that a pension scheme will pay up sometime in the future.
[/quote]

At the risk of invoking the wrath of private sector workers who think I've got it made and don't deserve it, it's a quasi-public sector superannuation scheme (I work in a University) which had bleedin' well better pay up.

[Len_derby]

[quote name='neepheid' timestamp='1336566968' post='1647579']
At the risk of invoking the wrath of private sector workers who think I've got it made and don't deserve it, it's a quasi-public sector superannuation scheme (I work in a University) which had bleedin' well better pay up.
[/quote]

It's just that I don't think[i] any of them [/i]will pay up. I'm not particularly cycnical, but the numbers and projections just don't stack up.

For me personally, I find the best way to approach financial/careers decisions is 'well, it's never going to pay up anyway'.

For the record, I've worked significant years in both private and public sectors and have bits of pensions in both, plus a personal private scheme. I have no axe to grind in the public sector vs private enterprise debate. I know from experience they are both full of clowns, shysters and bullshine merchants.

ANYWAY, back to the topic.............

[lozbass]

To the OP, great question - absolutely not in my experience.

Just making a decent living (for one, let alone maintaining a family) from music seems to be getting really problematic. Add-in the emotional issues and feasibility reduces dramatically. I gave up trying years ago but still brush around the peripheries of the professional scene. Lots of thirsty, single, slightly bored middle-aged guys on modest incomes - most happy enough, but mainly happy with the degree of personal freedom rather than the entire package.

Edited May 10, 2012 by lozbass

[JimBobTTD]

I'd say no. Not that I have tried, mind. I'm having a hard enough time fitting a full-time job in with having a family, let alone playing bass. Perhaps when the children get older. Right now, I don't think it's possible to juggle a family with anything!

[oggiesnr]

Many people have jobs that take them away for weeks at a time, not just musicians. Yes it is possible to do it and have a kind of family life, it depends on what kind of family life you want, and what kind of life your family wants.

If by being away you are actually earning a living, paying the mortgage etc you may find the partner/family more supportive than if they're having to support you being on the road.

For me the major downside of being away thirty plus weeks a year was that I missed a hell of a lot of my son's early years and you can't get them back.

Steve

[KingBollock]

I once asked my wife how she'd feel if I joined a band and had to go away to play for weeks at a time, her reply was that she'd come with me! She can drive anything, from a forklift truck to a 36 foot long lorry or even a 36 foot long boat, so she figures that's what she'd do, be a driver. The only thing she's licensed for other than the normal license is the forklift, so she couldn't drive HGV. I rather like the idea. We don't have kids, though, so we don't have to take that into consideration.

[discreet]

[quote name='chrismuzz' timestamp='1336546812' post='1647143']
I agree, BUT there are exceptions if your good lady is some kind of super woman who doesn't mind you taking the piss a bit!
[/quote]

This, as well. If the current mrs discreet wasn't working, we'd be scuppered on my meagre income.
What's that..? Of course I will darling, I'd be delighted. Gotta go, guys. *rushes off*

[BassTractor]

IME and IMHO: no for like 99.9% of families.

Within the circle of musicians that I belonged to, professional musicians all of them, NOBODY had a good, stable income - with the exception of those who taught at the college of music.

In a travelling band, things are a lot worse. You'd have to be one of the extremely few. Good luck to you though, should you decide to go for it.


best,
bert

[Gunsfreddy2003]

Really interesting insight into the music business and just how hard it is to get by on your own let alone support others. Would be keen to know who it was you were playing with?

Sad fact of life that you have to be really, really lucky to make huge amounts of money from music. I sold out and followed the traditional route of getting a decent day job years ago. Do I regret it? Yes sure I do sometimes when you think what could or might have been but equally when I look at some of the great players that I have been in bands with (far better musicians than me) and see that they now don't have two beans to rub together I think that I just might have made the right decision. That fact is compounded by having a very young son and another on the way in two weeks, you can only give them the life that you want for them if you have some money coming in regularly.

[quote name='shizznit' timestamp='1336552147' post='1647236']
When I was working for the label I was the only guy in the band that was single. The other members had their own families. My absence from home was never a big issue for me, but it was quite tough for the other guys. Nobody likes to be away from their families for a long period of time and it is important to get as much support from your partner/spouse as possible. Whenever we were arguing with each other the stem of the emotions usually came down to home sickness or an unresolved problems back home that couldn't be solved over a phone call. For example....my singer missed his youngest boy's 1st birthday and missed his wedding anniversary 3yrs in a row, my guitarist's wife was involved in a car accident whilst we were in Portugal one time.

Luckily, we never spent anything more than a couple of weeks away on tour and our down time was quite often very extensive (mostly down to our moronic management and promoters). Despite having a pretty light tour expectation the time away from home was particularly tough for the other guys. Management teams at a label will work you in a very different way to a 9-5 office job. They will book you for gigs and media commitments despite of your personal commitments. You can't call your manager to ask to cancel a gig in the same way you can ask your manager in the office for a day of annual leave on short notice. You have to consider that if you are a 5-piece band and all of you wanted to block out the schedule for a day off on your birthday, your partners birthday, your kids birthday, anniversaries, a holiday abroad with your family, every public holiday, taking the cat to the vet...etc...you won't get much work done. The label decides when you all have down time and thats when you get to spend time with your family and friends. Its a hard business to work in and it takes a lot of commitment not just from yourself, but everyone around you to support your career.

But, there is one very important thing...you have to make money! If you want to write and perform full-time you cannot rely on selling a few t-shirts at a gig to pay the bills. It’s the reality of dividing delusion of grandeur from business. When folks hear that I was a full-time signed musician they go "wow!'" and I reply "big deal"...I really don't have anything to show for it. We had a lot of fun...we really did, but our enjoyment came at a price and we entered into the world of music a but short sighted. After only 18 months of being signed we jacked it in because despite of the constant touring for several years leading up to our deal we were not making enough money to support our families and damn near bankrupted all of us. All of this could have been different if we were an overnight hit, but we weren't. Very few bands get that instant success and sometimes takes years of hard work and sacrifice to build any kind of success whatsoever. I'm not saying that this will apply to every band...if you are instantly successful then all the best for the future...enjoy it, but remember that a very small percentage of bands get signed and even fewer gain enough success to make any significant money for themselves.
[/quote]

Edited May 10, 2012 by Gunsfreddy2003

[Linus27]

[quote name='Gunsfreddy2003' timestamp='1336682375' post='1649575']
That fact is compounded by having a very young son and another on the way in two weeks, you can only give them the life that you want for them if you have some money coming in regularly.
[/quote]

That is such a great point and should not be forgotten.

[LawrenceH]

Maybe the ones who succeed at it are s^&t-hot at time management and therefore not on basschat...

[swanbrook]

I am faced with this again and again I am choosing to stay at home. I have spent 6 years building up my wedding band into a very successful outfit. I am fully booked for the year and have about 40 dates for next year in already.
I get paid to play music and I get to see my wife and kids everyday.

After readi g this thread I am giving the originals band the elbow tomorrow. I don't want to mess with what I have here. This is the second time I have had to do this, I diddnt regret it the first time don't suppose I will this time either

[discreet]

What is 'success'? Involvement in any kind of 'art' means you can't think in terms of a 'career'. There are just too many variables to take into consideration. The creative world is fickle, and as mentioned above, even those considered to be 'doing well' are generally right on the wire. The stereotypical 'rock star' lifestyle is enjoyed only by a vanishingly small percentage of those in the business, and their fortunes were (mostly) made during 1959-1998, when it was possible to make huge fortunes from music sales.

To condemn yourself to a life of compromise and 'doing without' is fine, but if you're making your family suffer for your art as well, then it could be time for a rethink.

So... you gotta wanna, people. I play bass every day because if I don't, I get sad! Simple, really. But then I don't watch TV, waste time on Facebook (just BC!) or stay up half the night playing 'Angry Birds', so yes, a little time management goes a long way.

[oggiesnr]

[quote name='LawrenceH' timestamp='1336684106' post='1649604']
Maybe the ones who succeed at it are s^&t-hot at time management and therefore not on basschat...
[/quote]

I suspect that the one's who succeed are lucky and are in the right place at the right time. Over the years I've seen hundreds of new originals bands come and go, all keen, ambitious, competent to varying degrees, willing to work (also to varying degrees). Two of them made it huge and in all honesty at the time I wouldn't have picked them as the ones to make it over many of the others.

Steve

[mtgreen]

Hi all,

This thread is so reflective of my current situation and I hope I can get something out of it.

I am coming at it from a different perspective as I am the partner of the musician a.k.a 'the musician's widow'.

To set the scene: my partner is in a band of his own. They have just released a new album in France and Switzerland after signing to a record label and have a few gigs throughout the year. They are constantly trying to enter the UK music scene. At the moment, he makes virtually no income from this. So, he goes away with other bands as a backline technician. He can be on the road for up to three months at a time.

Our relationship is lovely but him going away has always been an obstable for us. However, I have always held onto the fact that he has told me it is a short-term thing and he doesn't want to do it forever. He told me that he had a reason to be at home now since meeting me. He has tried an Open Univeristy course (his choice, I had no input into this decision at all) to try something new but didn't take to it and instead got extremely stressed and has decided that he has to continue with being a technician on the road as he has no other options. He tells me that this could mean being away for 10 months of the year.

We're currently having some time apart to decide what we want. I won't bore you with all the gorey details but I am devastated. He had told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and he wanted children with me and such things are massively important to me.

Is 10 months of the year realistic? Have any of you managed to reach a compromise?

I can see that this is where his talents lie and it would be a shame to put that to waste. He is not in any state to think rationally about other options but surely there must be jobs that allow him to go away with his band and to nurture his talents but that do not mean going away for that amount of time? Could any family cope with only 2 months of contact per year until retirement?

I'd be really interest to hear any (sympathetic) views on the matter.

[BassTractor]

[quote name='mtgreen' timestamp='1339936124' post='1696425']
I'd be really interest to hear any (sympathetic) views on the matter.[/quote]

Hi mtgreen,

Sorry for your situation. It sounds devastating indeed.

In my experience and humble opinion, almost no families are compatible with a life on the road. Taking your post at face value, he's investing his life in a risky business right now, where even a golden outlook guarantees nothing. As long as this seems to contradict what he said about a family, he probably is doing one of the things wrong. Again, at face value.

I can also imagine that he is more rational than you say he is, but that his conflicting feelings and his guilt make him [b]seem[/b] less rational. Especially if he feels he can be a provider, and should be, his brain may work at lightning speed now.

I have no idea how many months artists can be away in real life. Ten months seems like murder to me, but six months seems quite possible - depending of course on circumstances.

All the very best to you!

[TimR]

It's hardly a family life if you're not there is it?

In my 20s I worked as an engineer US, Canada, Europe. Would get a couple of weeks notice where I was going next then off for 3-6 weeks at a time.

You can sustain a long distance relationship, but the more engineers, oil rig workers, cruise ship workers you meet you start to see a pattern. Alcoholics, divorced - on third or fourth wives, etc

I didn't really want to be part of that. It's a young man's game, or a single man, or an older man whose kids have grown and the mortgage is secondary.

If the money is there then the women will stick around. Probably a cynical view but, hey!

Edited June 17, 2012 by TimR

[Rick's Fine '52]

sorry to be cynical, but you asked for opinions. The opening question referred to 'family life'. I could give lots of additional info, buy in simple summary, 10 months missing from 12 is hardly family life!

Having said that, its a horrible situation to be in, and not enviable at all. I wish you luck and happiness....whatever you do.

Rick

Edited June 17, 2012 by Rick's Fine '52