No one to practice with...update

[seashell]

Well I feel a bit sorry for myself at the moment as I have reached a bit of a setback in my fledgling music career.
As you may know, I have been learning bass for just over a year. In that time I have been lucky enough to do 3 little gigs with Dik the comic songster. But more importantly I have been pracitising with him roughly weekly. At the moment it is my only opportunity to get together to play with another musician. It has been fun and challenging because he plays mostly by ear and I think it really compliments the more theoretical stuff I get in my lessons.
Plus I really enjoy showing Dik what I have learned in the lessons - he is the only person I know who would be genuinely interested.

But here comes the personal complication. Dik is also my Ex. Which has been working out fine over the last 18 months or so. We both have been happier single and both have moved on and done exciting new things. And have managed to remain friends as we split up quite amicably with no-one else invlovled.

Well of course now the inevitable has happened and yesterday he announced he is seeing someone else. Which made me feel a bit weird. Sort of like this:

Anyway. although he says he wants to remain friends etc etc, I do think this is the end of our music collaboration now. I have no idea what the new woman thinks about him coming round my place to practice or if she even knows. But I don't think it's really appropriate now. It would be different if we were in a band with other people, or even if we went somewhere neutral to rehearse. But it just being the 2 of us rehearsing round my place somehow feels wrong now.

It's really hard to seperate the music from the personal in all this and it's doing my head in a bit today.

But anyway, what I now need is a plan to move on. I need to find some other people to play with!
I don't think I'm really ready to join a proper band yet. I've been having a look at various ads on joinmyband. I'm too old for most and too inexperienced for many. I don't think I'm ready to start my own band yet either.
I was wondering about maybe putting up an ad along the lines of 'bass player seeks musicians to practice with'.?
Just to see if there may be other people out there who would fancy a regular get together to try out a few things without actually thinking of trying to form a band and get gigs etc.

What do you think folks? Feel free to offer hugs, comiserations, suggestions.
But don't tell me to pull myself together, I'm not a pair of curtains.

Edited June 12, 2012 by seashell

[stef030]

[i]it would in my opinion feel wierd,[/i]
[i]everyone has a practice buddy,well I have,I call it my ipod,if I am not jamming with people,[/i]
[i]I use my ipod,have done for years[/i]
[i]but its always best to broaden your playing horizons,[/i]
[i]if you do not go for some of the bands on join my band,you cannot gauge [/i]
[i]your skill against other people,it just gives you more confidence and the urge or push you may need to get on,[/i]
[i]dont let the age issue put you off,as a old git myself,I take the view my experiance would be lost on them[/i]


[i]all the very best in your search[/i]


oh and have a big hug from me

[i]cheers[/i]

[i]stef [/i]

Edited May 21, 2012 by stef030

[flyfisher]

[quote name='seashell' timestamp='1337585814' post='1662190']
. I'm too old for most and too inexperienced for many. I don't think I'm ready to start my own band yet either.
I was wondering about maybe putting up an ad along the lines of 'bass player seeks musicians to practice with'.?
[/quote]

It has always seemed to me that one of the biggest challenges with bands is getting together with like-minded people with similar playing abilities. Anything too disparate creates too much tension and pulls things apart.

You maybe 'too old and too inexperienced' for many but certainly not all. Age is more a matter of attitude but as someone on the wrong side of 50 I can vouch for the fact that there are plenty of similarly 'old' people to play with.

As for inexperience, everyone has to start somewhere and you may find yourself surrounded by fledgling drummers and guitarists also wishing to join a band but not thinking they're experienced enough.

So yes, I would go for it with some ads. Be honest about what you're looking for and see what happens. What's the worst that can happen? You could also try some open mic nights, maybe just turning up to watch and gauge the level of talent first.

Playing with others was the best thing that ever happened to me in terms of developing my playing.

[gary mac]

Don't believe all of the self penned hype from some of the bands on Join my band. The reality is, that an awful lot of them aren't quite as good as they like to think they are.

Make contact and sound them out. If you fancy it, go along.

Or open mic nights.

Good luck


P.S. Have a hug

[Doctor J]

That's a complicated situation alright so hugs first

Definitely put up ads, be clear about what you're looking for, if it's just someone to jam with to improve both your playing levels without getting to gigging band levels, just say so. I guarantee you're not the only person in that position, but never be afriad to give something you think is over your level a go. You might just surprise yourself.

As for playing with your ex, it's been along time so theoretically there shouldn't be a problem, but I can see why you'd be concerned and why you think the new woman would be concerned too. It would be a shame for your musical collaboration to end for this reason though, as you both seem to enjoy it.

[Graham56]

[size=3]OK, as you say, it's time to move on.

As others have said, why not advertise for like-minded folk? There are lots of people out there in the same boat - not confident enough to join a band but looking for people to jam with. Put out an ad that's clear about what you are looking for and I think you'd be surprised at the response.

One other route is to look for ensemble evening classes. I don't know what's available in your area but if you are near any major city there will probably be something where you can join and get practice in playing in small groups. Have a look at Floodlight or at your local colleges/universities etc.

I live close to London so I did a couple of years in evening classes at Morley college. One was a Jazz workshop where we learned to play some 'standards'. While this isn't my favourite form of music, I did learn a helluva lot - especially about how to bluff your way through a bassline with little or no preparation...

I also did a basic musicianship workshop at Goldsmith's College, which again gave me experience of playing with others.

In both cases I met other participants that I still keep in contact with. Two of us eventually went out and formed a covers band, which is still playing gigs some 7 years' later.

And as for your worries about age? I started bass in my late 40's knowing almost nothing and am now in my mid 50s. There are many others on this forum who are of simlar age or older. In my band we have no-one younger than 40. OK, we play covers of 'a certain age', but you can get some fun gigs doing that. 50th and 60th birthday parties have been some of the best gigs we've done!

Get yer erse out there wumman![/size]

Edited May 21, 2012 by Graham56

[discreet]

Feeling like this: - is really pants, sorry to hear it. [BIG MANLY, 'FRAGRANT' HUG]

[geoffbyrne]

I know your in West Midlands, but how far west? I'm in Loughborough.

G.

[neepheid]

Can't help you with the personal conundrum. I'm a bridge burner myself, when I break up with someone they basically become an unperson to me.

[quote name='seashell' timestamp='1337585814' post='1662190']
I don't think I'm really ready to join a proper band yet.
[/quote]

And here lies the problem. I didn't think I was good enough to join my first band, but I took a deep breath and went for it anyway. Turned out I was good enough. You say you're having lessons - you're already ahead of where I was when I joined my first band

Take a look around, find a band who is 1) looking for a bass player and 2) plays music you like. Then get stuck in there and make that position yours. You'll look back and wonder what all the fuss was about.

[joeystrange]

Following on from open mic nights, see if you can find a local blues jam too. That might be a good idea.
You can often get away with playing a really simple 12-bar and you'll get to play with (and learn from) different musicians.
When I was younger I learned a lot from playing in a blues band and it improved my playing no end.

If you've been taking lessons and learning theory for a year I'd bet you'd be more than good enough to start playing with other people. Just be confident in yourself and go for it. If you make any mistakes don't let it get you down. We all do it and it's part of the learning curve.
Just go and have fun!

[markstuk]

+1 Jam nights... If you feel a bit awkward I'm sure someone close to you would be gallant enough to be your chaperone :-)

[Lozz196]

You definitely get a hug from me[i] [/i]must be a difficult situation.

But, as you`ve been playing for a year now, including a few public performances, you`re at a standard where you [b]are[/b] good enough, for the music you`ve been playing.

I`ve been playing for 30 years, and doubt I would get into half the bands of the guys on here, but that`s not important, because I am good enough for the music I play.

So get the ads up, be up front with any relies as to experience, and take it from there.

[seashell]

[quote name='discreet' timestamp='1337590797' post='1662262']
Feeling like this: - is really pants
[/quote]

Well at least it's better than this: !

Many thanks for all the input and encouragement guys. I guess I've just gotta grit my teeth and get out there.

@ Graham56 - It would be great if I could find some sort of ensemble class. You'd think there would be something like that going on in Brum but I haven't come across anything. I used to work in a college that ran evening classes for various instruments, but they had to close due to changes in funding. Basically the colleges can no longer get funding for anything that doesn't lead to a qualfiication so all the 'leisure' type courses ended up folding. I personally wouldn't mind paying full cost fees but there aren't enough people around who are willing or able to do so and hence the shortage of classes. Nevertheless, I will do a bit of googling again to see if I can find anything.

@gefoffbyrne - the above answers your question I'm in Birmingham

[TheGreek]

Confidence is a weird thing..until you test it you'll never know whether you are "good enough"..I'm a great believer in "sink or swim"..in most situations people will rise to the occassion and swim. As Captain Janeway said in an episode of Voyager, "Fear is there to be conquered"...

Now all you need to do is find others to play with..plenty of advice above..

Many hugs

[thebrig]

I started playing about six years ago at the very young age of 54, six months later some of the players at the football club where I was the 'physio', had played in bands in before, and wanted to play about six songs at an end-of-season presentation, and as they needed someone to play bass, they asked me. I told them I'm rubbish! but agreed reluctantly, and then frantically searched for tabs and played the songs over and over again relentlessly.

When the night arrived, I was shaking like a leaf, I played quietly as I was frightened of making mistakes, but I suppose I must have done reasonably well, as we all became a band from that night on.
It took a while to feel confident playing with them, but I went on to play many gigs with them, and I could tell that I was improving all the time.

I have now formed a new band with some excellent musicians, and I don't feel overawed by them at all.

I have no knowledge of theory, and can't read music either, but nowadays, I can learn most bass lines quite quickly, just by listening to the song.
At the beginning, I used to play safe and stick mainly to the root notes, but now I can play most songs note for note, but quite often, I play my own interpretation on some songs, as I feel that I am putting my individual touch to the song.
I will never be the greatest bass player around, but I must be decent enough, otherwise I think that I would have been shown the door by now.

In short, what I am trying to say is, "[i][b]go for it, you will improve without doubt by playing with other musicians, there are are loads of people on 'Joinmyband' in the same boat, some will be slightly better, some slightly worse, but you will definitely benefit from getting together with them".[/b][/i]
Just put an ad on there asking for people to jam with, stating that you are inexperienced, but wish to improve, and maybe try the odd open mic night with them to see how it goes.
And as for your age, for most bands it really wont be an issue, especially if they are mainly doing covers.

Anyway, a big hug from me , good luck, and let us know what you decide to do.

[Dad3353]

Maybe his new acquaintance is musically minded too..? If they came round to practice as a couple, there shouldn't be any problems, I'd have thought (assuming, of course, a platonic relationship now between yourself and Dik...). Get a trio going..? Does she play the flugelhorn, or wash-board, or such..? Could be fun (and will hone your improvisation skills, too...).
Hope this helps...
(Commiseration, just the same...)

Edited May 21, 2012 by Dad3353

[yorick]

How about putting an ad on Gumtree for the Birmingham area asking for people of your skill level to jam with? Rehearsal studios and music shops usually have notice boards with muso wanted ads as well.
Oh yeah........ hugs

[ThomBassmonkey]

That sucks, it's a pain when personal matters get in the way of music.

Talk to him about it (I guess you're going to have to anyway if you're going to call it off), he might be able to reassure you that it won't change anything.

To echo what other people have said, skill level is irrelevant, most people can play in a punk band after a month tops, if you want to play prog metal you might need more practice, but I'm sure you'll be able to find a band that caters to your skill level. Anything from blues or jazz through to old school metal bands [i]can[/i] have simple basslines if you're really unsure. Besides, if you push the boat out a bit, you might surprise yourself with how good you are. If you've got experience at improv (which is 90% of musicianship in originals IMO) then you should be able to put together something for any situation.

[mushers]

go for the placing an ad or repling to one, or ask your bass teacher if any of his other students want to join in on a few jam sessions
i have just done the same since losing touch with my guitard friend

[BottomE]

You're probably best out of it as it obviously still has the capacity to effect you emotionally. Go to a jam night or get some practice tools.

[seashell]

Thanks again for all this great input. Once again BC rallies round in time of need.

I've just got to get my finger out now, haven't I? Jam nights would be a good idea and my teacher even suggested that to me. The thing is having the nerve to go in on your own. I think the answer might be to just go along to watch a few times first just to get the feel of it. So I'm trying to drag a friend along to one this week or next week just to see how the land lies.

Then I'll have to think about putting something on joinmyband or gum tree.

As BottomE says I'm probably best out of it now. It has been great to practice with Dik over the last year as it has given me such valuable experience as a beginner. But time to move on now in more ways than one. I don't want to turn into one of those females who has to call her Ex every time she needs a light bulb changing!

I'm going to go home now and have a nice long practice on my own. I feel a bit of Iron Maiden coming on!

Edited May 21, 2012 by seashell

[D.I. Joe]

Just from my own experience - I am 20 now and have been playing for about 5 years. Jam nights really helped me along with my playing, there was this one particular guitarist who used to play at jams regularly (though unfortunately doesn't much now due to having cancer ) who would always take his folder with chord charts and playing off of these helped me to follow, then hold my own, then hold down and finally nail the songs. If there is someone at your local jam that does something similar then try and get up with them.

Playing with different people each week has also helped me to develop skills for different genres - I wouldn't be half as good with Reggae and Funk if I didn't mix it up with the old boys at the jam!

Hope this has helped with ideas, if not then have a hug ... and some beer

[icastle]

[quote name='seashell' timestamp='1337615643' post='1662834']
Jam nights would be a good idea and my teacher even suggested that to me. The thing is having the nerve to go in on your own. I think the answer might be to just go along to watch a few times first just to get the feel of it. So I'm trying to drag a friend along to one this week or next week just to see how the land lies.
[/quote]

Well if you're after some plug and play/jam type things then we're surrounded by them over here and I'm generally the only bass player at them (I help run one of them and frequent two others as well !).

[scalpy]

[quote name='flyfisher' timestamp='1337586906' post='1662203']


You could also try some open mic nights, maybe just turning up to watch and gauge the level of talent first.

[/quote]

Do this! I didn't meet any musicians I wanted to play with but I'm engaged now to the first person I spoke to!

[debwilliams]

This is such a nice forum - look at all the support and advice from your friends here Seashell. Looks like you're going to feel the fear and do it anyway. I totally get where you're coming from here.

I go to an open mic / music club night where there is a regular band their ages range from 42 to 70. Musicians/singers go along and join them in varying numbers, sometimes busy sometimes not. Last time I was there I was talking to one of them and mentioned that I'd bought a bass. He said when I'm ready to take my bass or use the regular guy's bass, pick my own song and they'll play around my choice. The bassist just advised to make things as easy as I need to to make myself comfortable and to have fun.

I'm sure you are plenty good enough to go and have some fun but I know that it can be difficult when you're not going to places with someone. Do you have a friend that you can take with you?

More hugs coming your way xx