ThomBassmonkey Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 I'd have a word with the drummer. It only takes one person to screw with a band's social dynamic and since there's going to be hours when you're sat around talking to each other (before gigs as well as practices) it needs to work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whynot Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 [quote name='SpaceChick' timestamp='1343774113' post='1755200'] ..... I should have just decked the w*nker when I had the chance [/quote] This raised my first smile of the day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lojo Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 (edited) Might help your health to stop worrying on the details (he said this did that etc) as they just go around in your head forever, and just decide what you want as an outcome Can he can change if asked ? No I'd guess Can you work with him ? No I'd guess Do the rest of the band like him/want him ? If not then encourage them to act for the right reasons If they do, state your case, even plead if you love the project, but if no success save your yourself the trouble and find a new band Edited August 1, 2012 by lojo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mykesbass Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 [quote name='lojo' timestamp='1343806467' post='1755366'] Might help your health to stop worrying on the details (he said this did that etc) as they just go around in your head forever, and just decide what you want as an outcome Can he can change if asked ? No I'd guess Can you work with him ? No I'd guess Do the rest of the band like him/want him ? If not then encourage them to act for the right reasons If they do, state your case, even plead if you love the project, but if no success save your yourself the trouble and find a new band [/quote] Excellent post Lojo. Also, a conversation with the drummer rather than a text or email may well be a better option. Good luck, hope it works out for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruiner Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 So yeah, he's obviously an idiot. Either subconsciously or deliberately he's undermining and belittling you in front of the rest of the band. However it sounds like the rest of the band aren't idiots and so chances are they'll be thinking the same as you. I'm tempted to say give it another week and see what happens, but having been in bands with people like that, it probably will just serve to make you feel even more angry. Maybe have a chat with the others, if they want to give him another chance fair enough, but try not to let it visably get to you. Rise above it. He's only making himself sound like a complete tool, and the more he does it, the more the rest of the band will notice it. I always find it better that people come to the conclusion themselves that someone isn't right, rather than you have to be the one who says 'I can't work with him' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fat Rich Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 [quote name='lojo' timestamp='1343806467' post='1755366'] If they do, state your case, even plead if you love the project, but if no success save your yourself the trouble and find a new band [/quote] I wouldn't quit anytime soon, seems like this guy is going to annoy the other band member whether you're in the band or not. I reckon he won't last long, I would calmly say why you don't like him because the more reasonable you are about it all the more likely the band will keep you in preference to him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpaceChick Posted August 1, 2012 Author Share Posted August 1, 2012 I have text our drummer, he has text me back telling me I am doing a fine job and not to let the guitard undermine me. He said that he was annoyed as he was trying to impose himself and is a new boy. I have replied saying I thought his attitude was bang out of order and was rude and arrogant and we should see what the lead guitarist and singer thought as I felt our dynamic wasn't as good. [quote name='Mykesbass' timestamp='1343807052' post='1755373'] Excellent post Lojo. Also, a conversation with the drummer rather than a text or email may well be a better option. Good luck, hope it works out for you. [/quote] I agree speaking would be better, but he's in a job where he can't speak on the phone in the day but can text, and I'm out tonight so can't ring him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpaceChick Posted August 1, 2012 Author Share Posted August 1, 2012 [quote name='Ruiner' timestamp='1343807216' post='1755375'] So yeah, he's obviously an idiot. Either subconsciously or deliberately he's undermining and belittling you in front of the rest of the band. However it sounds like the rest of the band aren't idiots and so chances are they'll be thinking the same as you. I'm tempted to say give it another week and see what happens, but having been in bands with people like that, it probably will just serve to make you feel even more angry. [/quote] Oh he IS deliberately undermining me as he has his bass friend that wants/needs a band, but I am a stubborn woman, and he is NOT pushing me out of MY band!!!!! I know I am only a relative beginner, and so am not a great bass player, but I can hold a tune and a groove, and I am learning fast. And I would like to think that what I lack in skill I make up for in hard work and dedication. OH said to give it another week too, as he reckons he will just keep digging a deeper grave for himself! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charic Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 Take a water pistol, it works for cats Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimR Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 You're feeling threatened, and who wouldn't be. Even if he doesn't have a hidden agenda, you will now be looking for one. I suspect the damage has been done. Drummer needs to call him and tell him it's not going to work. If this was two blokes, we'd have a massive punch up and go down the pub afterwards and laugh about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Sausage Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 Don't bother talking to the others first. Just stand up for yourself in front of the band and have it out. The rest of the band haven't said owt to him yet, and they should of, so who's saying they ever will. No time like the present. Sort it before it snowballs! T Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evil Undead Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 [quote name='icastle' timestamp='1343802377' post='1755325'] If you talk to the rest of the band you'll probably find that they found the situation equally uncomfortable and are all sat around waiting for someone else to say something. [/quote] This. I had an issue (not a similar issue at all) with my band a few months back. I spoke to them and they were all relieved that someone brought it up as they all felt the same way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leschirons Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 Just a thought, I'm after £200 for this, any good? Just in case you decide to go with plan A. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toneknob Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 (edited) What kind of bassist is his mate to (a) not be able to get a gig on his own (b ) be (I assume) complicit in his guitarist pal's intent? Get him a BC login! Hope it all works out for you. You're doing it all the right way. Edited August 1, 2012 by toneknob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lowdowner Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 [quote name='charic' timestamp='1343804519' post='1755342'] Beat me too it If you actually have him come back again and he starts it again then mention at a part of a track that he should try not playing because it sounds better (or creates a sense of space). If he actually does it then tell him he should do it more often [/quote] Oh yes - I *love* the 'sense of space' comment - top quality! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpaceChick Posted August 1, 2012 Author Share Posted August 1, 2012 Heard from the Lead Guitarist, he's not happy one bit. I've been told to "watch this space", however, he is not prepared to walk on eggshells, and he will be told if he steps out of line again. Both the Drummer and the Lead Guitarist have now told me that they are not prepared for me to be undermined and intimidated and that they will not allow me to be a casualty. I am the more important band member So, I am going to be gracious next week, until he puts a foot out of line, and then I am going to become a rotweiller!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lowdowner Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 [quote name='SpaceChick' timestamp='1343807622' post='1755389'] I know I am only a relative beginner, and so am not a great bass player, but I can hold a tune and a groove, and I am learning fast. And I would like to think that what I lack in skill I make up for in hard work and dedication. [/quote] Good on you for posting this bit - I feel *exactly* the same, and i'd rather have a committed relative beginner in the band than an arrogant diva. It's all part of the mix of playing with a group of musicians: some of angels, some are w*nkers... Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paul_5 Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 Be the first to raise it at the next rehearsal,but do it before you start playing. Don't shout or get drawn into any childish regiment though, this will only reflect poorly on you. Work out in advance what you want to say , and how you are going to word it. Remember this is your band and you need to cherish it, bands are about more than strapping a few chords together. Let him be the first to shout / swear / throw stuff / poo in a corner etc... it will mean that he's already lost, and the rest is tying up loose ends. Chances are the others everyone is harbouring doubts about this interloper, but us blokes will generally do anything for a quiet life, and it sounds like the band are just hoping it will sorry itself out. It won't. If he does insist on playing with you then be the bigger person; be as nice as you can to him, starting with lending him your lead, I recommend one of these: [attachment=114610:484106_10150926981843097_69291677_n.jpg] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BILL POSTERS Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 Difficult one that. Talk to the others if it feels right, theres always a chance that you could look like your whining though. So keep it brief and dont go on, Failing that, kick him in the Bollox, and tell the others its you or him gorra go.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merello Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 I'm a bass player. I also play rhythm guitar. It's a no-brainer - the guitarists are 10 a penny in comparison. Usually I say to those trying to shoe-horn songs into a set list, 'If you can't learn this set list....do you want simpler songs?' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpaceChick Posted August 1, 2012 Author Share Posted August 1, 2012 [quote name='merello' timestamp='1343809991' post='1755436'] 'If you can't learn this set list....do you want simpler songs?' [/quote] Love it, this is going into my head for next week Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve-bbb Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 [quote name='billyapple' timestamp='1343773497' post='1755186'] PS. emailing the drummer might be seen as weak, just keep your powder dry, carry on, and I'm sure he'll hang himself. If he crits you again in front of the band, give a big BWAHHAWWHAAW laugh, and just say 'Your only saying that cos your trying to get your mate in to play' Speak and expose the unspeakable, then he has no-where to manoeuvre [/quote] this or this ... or just announce (in presence of said new sixfingered control freak) 'im having a baby so you will need to find a new bass player soon and if the real father doesnt own up im going to have to name you all to the CSA and request DNA tests from all of you! whilst emphasising the last bit stare with a slight look of disdain and pathos at the new boy with his puny tiny stringed instrument count to ten hopefully by then he should be unplugging and packing up his ego boosting over-compensating effects rack and mumbling a few excuses ... let us know if this helps Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimR Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 [quote name='SpaceChick' timestamp='1343808896' post='1755416'] Heard from the Lead Guitarist, he's not happy one bit. I've been told to "watch this space", however, he is not prepared to walk on eggshells, and he will be told if he steps out of line again. Both the Drummer and the Lead Guitarist have now told me that they are not prepared for me to be undermined and intimidated and that they will not allow me to be a casualty. I am the more important band member So, I am going to be gracious next week, until he puts a foot out of line, and then I am going to become a rotweiller!! [/quote] Steady on. You've only been in the band 4 weeks yourself. Personally if I were the other guys I'd just ditch the pair of you. You're only more important because it's difficult to find bass players. I don't know how old you guys are but it all seems pretty immature. The new guitarist doesn't fit in - for whatever reason. He needs to go. Calmly and quickly before he gets too comfortable and you end up learning stuff thay needs relearning next month with someone else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KevB Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 From what you have said regarding the other band members feelings (guitarist and drummer) it sounds like it's only a matter of time before he's gone if they regard you as the more important player. Just ride it out, seems he's digging his own grave at rehearsals anyway. If I was one of the longer serving band members in this position I'd probably be sounding out alternative rhythm guitarists already by now. As a few have mentioned they are usually not hard to find. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyfisher Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 It does sound as if there is never going to be a reconcilliation here. As others have pointed out, if the personalities don't work then the band is doomed anyway. If the three of you are of like minds, why not just start rehearsing without the interloper while looking around for another rhythm guitarist (if you must). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.