crunch time

[paul torch]

Sorry to post yet another "sacked off with certain member/s of band" thread but I believe it's crunch-time for me.

One of my bands is about to play our first gig after 3 years of jamming, writing and rehearsals. Thing is I'm sadly thinking that I have no choice but to jack it in after the gig.

I've tried, but I just can't get on with one of the band members. He is incredibly rude to the lovely friendly guys who run our rehearsal space, he wants creative control though all he can offer is obstructive comments about songs he refuses to play, at rehearsal he doesn't play to best of his ability as he says he wants to save himself for his gym/tennis session, he never seems to want to be at any of our sessions when he's there and he is generally grumpy, narky and sulky. Also he constantly makes sweeping statements about genres of music that he doesn't like, want to play or be influenced by i.e. reggae, dub, punk, jazz or anything 80s.

I've spoken to the guitarist about this and he agrees with me but seems more prepared to let things go. I don't feel as though we can kick him out as he is one of the founder members.

What I am thinking of doing is resigning from the band in the new year and asking the guitarist, who is great, creative and really easy going, to join my other band.

I know this may seem a bit sneaky and underhanded but I would sooner walk than get to the point were we have a huge falling out, which is likely if the band carries on.

It would be a real shame as we have written some great stuff and been getting really positive feedback.

Sorry to burden you all with this but I just needed to get it off my chest before I flip.

PS. his playing isn't that great either.

[gary mac]

Maybe someone will tip him off about this post and you wont need to do anything

[xgsjx]

Tricky one. I'd be inclined to say "Jack it in", but then a lot of great bands don't get on. Massive Attack being a prime example.
I'd maybe let him know about your issues & that you don't agree with him on a lot of things, but musically as a team, do a brilliant job.

[JTUK]

There is always another band...and this sounds far from a band.
Life is too short....

[Big_Stu]

[quote name='paul torch' timestamp='1354461117' post='1886160']I've tried, but I just can't get on with one of the band members. He is incredibly rude to the lovely friendly guys who run our rehearsal space, he wants creative control though all he can offer is obstructive comments about songs he refuses to play, at rehearsal he doesn't play to best of his ability as he says he wants to save himself for his gym/tennis session, he never seems to want to be at any of our sessions when he's there and he is generally grumpy, narky and sulky.[/quote]

Do you know for sure that he's actually as capable as you're supposed to believe? .... if not then the above seems like a bit of a smokescreen.

[rogerstodge]

You could always do what i did.. "right its either him or me".. I eventually found another band.

[JapanAxe]

^^^ What he said!

[paul torch]

[quote name='xgsjx' timestamp='1354463216' post='1886202']
Tricky one. I'd be inclined to say "Jack it in", but then a lot of great bands don't get on. Massive Attack being a prime example.
I'd maybe let him know about your issues & that you don't agree with him on a lot of things, but musically as a team, do a brilliant job.
[/quote]

i know if i was man enough i should confront him but the issues seem to be more about personality than anything else and i don't think that's something that can be changed with a quick chat.

Thanks for listenning guys. Really appreciate it.

Edited December 2, 2012 by paul torch

[paul torch]

[quote name='rogerstodge' timestamp='1354464001' post='1886219']
You could always do what i did.. "right its either him or me".. I eventually found another band.
[/quote]nail and head

[RhysP]

[quote name='xgsjx' timestamp='1354463216' post='1886202']
Tricky one. I'd be inclined to say "Jack it in", but then a lot of great bands don't get on. Massive Attack being a prime example.
[/quote]

Yes, but "lots of great bands" carry on doing what they're doing with people they detest purely because they are making lots of money - I could be wrong but I doubt if the OP is in this situation (and apologies for my presumption if you are ).

[ezbass]

Wait for the next rehearsal and when he wants to 'save himself' wade into him about lack of commitment, being a lightweight and wasting everyone else's time (you could then tack on on that he's a rude b@57@rd too, in for a penny etc) and see what happens. Chances are everyone else in the band will pile in, if they don't you know where you stand and will have had the catharsis of unloading.

[xgsjx]

[quote name='RhysP' timestamp='1354464934' post='1886248']
Yes, but "lots of great bands" carry on doing what they're doing with people they detest purely because they are making lots of money
[/quote]

True that, but they didn't start off making lots of money & at the beginning was in it for the love of the music (as some of them still are).
Sometimes band tension can result in great songs coming from it.

Edited December 2, 2012 by xgsjx

[RhysP]

[quote name='xgsjx' timestamp='1354468238' post='1886301']
Sometimes band tension can result in great songs coming from it.
[/quote]

Very true - the best song I ever wrote was called "The Keyboard Player is a f***ing ****".

[xgsjx]

[quote name='RhysP' timestamp='1354468517' post='1886303']
Very true - the best song I ever wrote was called "The Keyboard Player is a f***ing ****".
[/quote]

Result!
Right Paul, next sesh & you wanna ram the head of your bass into the side of the blokes ribcage during a solo. Not hard enough to damage your bass, just enough to bruise some ribs. Unless it's the drummer, then you're better off bumping the crash or ride cymbal towards his neck.

[Johngh]

[quote name='ezbass' timestamp='1354466557' post='1886270']
Wait for the next rehearsal and when he wants to 'save himself' wade into him about lack of commitment, being a lightweight and wasting everyone else's time (you could then tack on on that he's a rude b@57@rd too, in for a penny etc) and see what happens. Chances are everyone else in the band will pile in, if they don't you know where you stand and will have had the catharsis of unloading.
[/quote]

I'd more or less agree with this.

If what you say is true he's just wasting everyones time. If he's been like this for 3 years he ain't going to change. i'm surprised evryone has put up with it for so long.
if it was me I'd have given him both barrels long ago. I'd have it out at next rehearsal, if there's no compromise I'd walk. Bit harsh and to the point but your better off finding another project where the band members show some commitment

[paul torch]

Some great and humerousadvice mates, it's cheered me up and made me realise that it's more than a personality clash. I think I'm going to wait until after the gig before any confrontation as I don't to spoil it anyone else involved.
I don't want to be associated with his attitude any longer than I have to.
Thanks again.

[paul torch]

[quote name='RhysP' timestamp='1354468517' post='1886303']


Very true - the best song I ever wrote was called "The Keyboard Player is a f***ing ****".
[/quote]can I use this? What could rhyme with drummer?
;-)

[RhysP]

[quote name='paul torch' timestamp='1354471618' post='1886369']
can I use this? What could rhyme with drummer?
;-)
[/quote]

Be my guest.

"Dummer" & "Bummer" are the first two things that come to mind........

[rOB]

If you can't get on then that's it really isn't it? On the other hand it seems a shame to have spent 3 years on the band and then quit after 1 gig.

Maybe talk to the other members and let them know where you stand?

Best of luck with whatever you decide.

[Thurbs]

I would go with him or me approach also... otherwise it sounds like baby and the bathwater....

[Paul S]

A clash of personalities is usually insurmountable and effectively means 'him or me' but to actually offer that ultimatum can, I think, sound a bit childish.

What I did earlier this year in an almost identical situation was say to the rest of the band something like 'I have been thinking a lot recently and decided I am stepping down. It is the last thing I want to do but X is driving me nuts because of [your list of reasons] and I can't stand to be in the same band as him, sorry guys'

In my case they all said 'we'd rather have you than him' which gave me a rather warm glow inside, and off he went. Problem solved, we now have a brilliant new guitarist, courtesy of our very own Leschirons (thanks again Keith for putting Steve our way).

If they don't say that, there is nothing lost as you were probably going to quit anyway and you haven't been perceived as having thrown your toys out of the pram either.

[Doddy]

To be honest,I would have been gone long ago if it's been 3 years before your first gig. That would have
been enough alone. But not getting on with one member as well? I'd have been gone after 2 or 3 weeks,
unless we were regularly out gigging.

[Dom in Dorset]

[quote name='Doddy' timestamp='1354482254' post='1886556']
To be honest,I would have been gone long ago if it's been 3 years before your first gig. That would have
been enough alone. But not getting on with one member as well? I'd have been gone after 2 or 3 weeks,
unless we were regularly out gigging.
[/quote]
+1

[paul torch]

[quote name='Paul S' timestamp='1354481489' post='1886541']
A clash of personalities is usually insurmountable and effectively means 'him or me' but to actually offer that ultimatum can, I think, sound a bit childish.

What I did earlier this year in an almost identical situation was say to the rest of the band something like 'I have been thinking a lot recently and decided I am stepping down. It is the last thing I want to do but X is driving me nuts because of [your list of reasons] and I can't stand to be in the same band as him, sorry guys'

In my case they all said 'we'd rather have you than him' which gave me a rather warm glow inside, and off he went. Problem solved, we now have a brilliant new guitarist, courtesy of our very own Leschirons (thanks again Keith for putting Steve our way).

If they don't say that, there is nothing lost as you were probably going to quit anyway and you haven't been perceived as having thrown your toys out of the pram either.
[/quote]this was the approach of i was thinking of taking.

[paul torch]

[quote name='Doddy' timestamp='1354482254' post='1886556']
To be honest,I would have been gone long ago if it's been 3 years before your first gig. That would have
been enough alone. But not getting on with one member as well? I'd have been gone after 2 or 3 weeks,
unless we were regularly out gigging.
[/quote]things were ok up util we recorded a demo about 18 months ago whch was intended to promote us and get some gigs. At was athis point that the trouble started. He totally pissed the sound engineer off and then threatened to leave over the name of the band (we should have siezed our opportunity then). We lost a bit of momentum a that point and it's been impossible to get the old vibe and work ethic back.