Lozz196 Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 I worked with someone similar in an old band of mine, and it was a good learning curve, as I will never do so again. Leave, working with people like that is a waste of your time. My musicianship has grown much better since working with people who always put the effort in, and my love for playing has returned - although I didn`t realise it had gone, until I no longer worked with said person and started working with people with similar work ethics to myself, and when suddenly, being in a band was no longer a struggle, but enjoyment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paul torch Posted December 2, 2012 Author Share Posted December 2, 2012 I've just had an email from the guitarist saying that he's going to put one of the songs that the drummer objects to into the set. His word were "his nibbs will have to suck it up". Looks like he's had enough of his antics as well. Apologies for apalling typing, but I'm trying to do this from my phone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LukeFRC Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 [quote name='paul torch' timestamp='1354483531' post='1886581'] I've just had an email from the guitarist saying that he's going to put one of the songs that the drummer objects to into the set. His word were "his nibbs will have to suck it up". Looks like he's had enough of his antics as well. Apologies for apalling typing, but I'm trying to do this from my phone. [/quote] tell this guitarist how you feel - it sounds like something went wrong at the recording sesh you spoke about a few posts ago. If you're going to walk anyway you've nout to loose Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paul torch Posted December 2, 2012 Author Share Posted December 2, 2012 [quote name='LukeFRC' timestamp='1354483927' post='1886594'] tell this guitarist how you feel - it sounds like something went wrong at the recording sesh you spoke about a few posts ago. If you're going to walk anyway you've nout to loose [/quote] I'm definitely going to tell the guitarist my feelings, I don't want to cut my ties with him as we work well together and share similar philosophies. I hope to continue working with him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyfisher Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 Bandmates eh? Who'd 'av 'em. I work on the principle that people are who they are (generally) and nothing is really going to change them. You can have 'have words' in all sorts of ways but, generally, people are not going to fundamentally change. So it's usually a case of deciding if you can put up with them. As has been mentioned, there are many successful bands in which the members don't like each other. i recall hearing a programme about the Police reunion gigs and how they all had separate hotels, cars and dressing rooms and hardly saw each other except on stage. You can try to change someone, of course, but it'll probably not work and will likely exacerbate the problem by bringing the discontent out into the open, which sort of makes the "you go or I go" showdown an inevitability. But if you're ready for that eventuality then you have nothing to lose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alyctes Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 (edited) [quote name='flyfisher' timestamp='1354492912' post='1886732'] Bandmates eh? Who'd 'av 'em. I work on the principle that people are who they are (generally) and nothing is really going to change them. You can have 'have words' in all sorts of ways but, generally, people are not going to fundamentally change. So it's usually a case of deciding if you can put up with them. As has been mentioned, there are many successful bands in which the members don't like each other. i recall hearing a programme about the Police reunion gigs and how they all had separate hotels, cars and dressing rooms and hardly saw each other except on stage. You can try to change someone, of course, but it'll probably not work and will likely exacerbate the problem by bringing the discontent out into the open, which sort of makes the "you go or I go" showdown an inevitability. But if you're ready for that eventuality then you have nothing to lose. [/quote] without in any way disagreeing with [b]flyfisher[/b]: Some people do change. Actually, I suspect a lot of people do. I did, and more than once. It wasn't painless, but it was worth while. I think that this sort of change needs someone close to the person who's (possibly) going to change, though. Edited December 3, 2012 by alyctes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiltyG565 Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 [quote name='paul torch' timestamp='1354461117' post='1886160'] Sorry to post yet another "sacked off with certain member/s of band" thread but I believe it's crunch-time for me. One of my bands is about to play our first gig after 3 years of jamming, writing and rehearsals. Thing is I'm sadly thinking that I have no choice but to jack it in after the gig. I've tried, but I just can't get on with one of the band members. He is incredibly rude to the lovely friendly guys who run our rehearsal space, he wants creative control though all he can offer is obstructive comments about songs he refuses to play, at rehearsal he doesn't play to best of his ability as he says he wants to save himself for his gym/tennis session, he never seems to want to be at any of our sessions when he's there and he is generally grumpy, narky and sulky. Also he constantly makes sweeping statements about genres of music that he doesn't like, want to play or be influenced by i.e. reggae, dub, punk, jazz or anything 80s. I've spoken to the guitarist about this and he agrees with me but seems more prepared to let things go. I don't feel as though we can kick him out as he is one of the founder members. What I am thinking of doing is resigning from the band in the new year and asking the guitarist, who is great, creative and really easy going, to join my other band. I know this may seem a bit sneaky and underhanded but I would sooner walk than get to the point were we have a huge falling out, which is likely if the band carries on. It would be a real shame as we have written some great stuff and been getting really positive feedback. Sorry to burden you all with this but I just needed to get it off my chest before I flip. PS. his playing isn't that great either. [/quote] 2 lines of thought, as has been said. Quietly accept that he is who he is, and get on with it, all the while resenting, and having rage build inside you. (i have been here many times with work colleagues, although he was far from quiet about his dislike of me, although i got the blame). Or throw the head up, say life's too short, you're an ignorant bastard, and i can find a usurper quite easily. I know which one i would choose. One is definitely better for your health Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiltyG565 Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 (edited) [quote name='alyctes' timestamp='1354496391' post='1886763'] without in any way disagreeing with [b]flyfisher[/b]: Some people do change. Actually, I suspect a lot of people do. I did, and more than once. It wasn't painless, but it was worth while. I think that this sort of change needs someone close to the person who's (possibly) going to change, though. [/quote] I learned the hard way, and quite many times that leopards never really do change their spots. I never have, i know that. Of course, we all correct the silly little things about us to make us a little bit more socially acceptable, but much to my despair and downfall, i will always be the most laid back and biggest procrastinator the earth has ever seen. Remarkably, both my mothers family and my fathers family have a history of being procrastinators, so i was doomed before i even existed. (just like to point out that the procrastination normally refers to anything that isn't interesting to me, or isn't looking done right now, and isn't a physical task. i am a good worker though) So small silly things- people can change those, if they are willing. Large flaws in persons manner- It cannot be changed, no matter how much you or anybody else wishes it could be. and i think it would even be rude to ask. you might as well say they aren't particularly good looking, and have a small penis at the same time. Edited December 3, 2012 by MiltyG565 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paul torch Posted December 3, 2012 Author Share Posted December 3, 2012 I don't expect the guy to change, he's in his mid forties (like myself), so it's probably too late for him. I know I had a major re-assessment of who I was and how I reacted/responded in certain situations and my whole place in the world but that was in my early twenties. as you say, I need to put-up or shut-up, or walk away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bilbo Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 I woudl recommend an approach along the lines of... 'Hey, Fred, you are not going to like what I am about to ask but do you know how uncomfortable your approach makes it for the rest of us and for the other people we have to deal with? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTUK Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 [quote name='ezbass' timestamp='1354466557' post='1886270'] Wait for the next rehearsal and when he wants to 'save himself' wade into him about lack of commitment, being a lightweight and wasting everyone else's time (you could then tack on on that he's a rude b@57@rd too, in for a penny etc) and see what happens. Chances are everyone else in the band will pile in, if they don't you know where you stand and will have had the catharsis of unloading. [/quote] Like it.... The OP himself calls this Cruch time..and this sounds quite a crunchy approach to me. Somethings just have to be done...so get it over with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTUK Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 Cruch time..crunch time..nada..!! But the issue needs to be tackled, even if you need to use your own way of doing it. IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paul torch Posted December 3, 2012 Author Share Posted December 3, 2012 [quote name='Bilbo' timestamp='1354528479' post='1886899'] I woudl recommend an approach along the lines of... 'Hey, Fred, you are not going to like what I am about to ask but do you know how uncomfortable your approach makes it for the rest of us and for the other people we have to deal with? [/quote] this sounds like a sensible approach. wish i was this good with words. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTUK Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 or..write it down but hand it to him face to face to read... that way, you can say you have given this some thought and these are the points you have have come up with...as opposed to getting all eager to spit out what ever comes to you in the monent, from your angst over this The only thing about a confrontation is your expectations from it... If you want to TRY and salvage something.... don't put him in a position where he may feel he has no choice but to reject it out of hand.. Give him some room to recover and therefore suggest how the others may have been less than perfect as well. If you stay reasonable and less keen to load ALL blame on him, you may also come across as the reasonable one who didn't want a fight..and the others might be inclined to back you more... If the don't..you also have your answer, anyway, as far as you are concerned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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