soul searching band dilemma

[SpaceChick]

Oh Guys.

It is with a heavy heart that I type this post.

I have been with my classic rock band since July.... we are yet to gig due to 1. Singer quitiing, 2. Guitarist getting cancer 3. Rhythm guitarist leaving then coming back. 4. New singer starting then leaving 5. Dep guitarist becoming new singer and struggling with keys.

Now, we have found out that our rhythm guitarist needs a quadruple bypass, and the dep guiatrist doesn't think he's up to the job of singing.

Whilst I care greatly about all the band members and have soooo much fun with them, I am becoming increasingly disillusioned that we are taking 2 steps forward and 3 steps back ALL THE TIME. we have had to cancel 3 gigs, which reputationally is a disaster too.

I think it is time for me to move on, and the drummer (who I get on with realy well) is starting to feel the same.

I have been looking out for a while.

I have 3 initial potential options at the moment:

1. Sit tight with my current band but know its going to be a minimum of 6 months before we will gig, and need to find a new singer too... so frustrating upheaval again and to be honest, I don't know if it will ever happen.

2. Pursue an originals band that have shown an interest in me (however, I am nervous as I think they are way ahead of me on skills and are heavier rock than I'd normally play. That said, they are supportive of me developing my own basslines which would be a fun new challenge)

3. Join another covers band.... there is one that is looking for a bassist AND a drummer... they do play some similar stuff to us although some stuff they play I know our drummer won't be too keen on (I have told the drummer about them, so could go with or without him)

Part of me feels like a great big evil person for potentially leaving a band with a cancer survivor and a heart patient, but equally I just want to gig!!!!

Any words of wisdom you can give this girl who just wants to play music?

I really am at a crossroads, and really don't know which path to take.

Thanks for taking the time to read this if you've got to the end

[paul torch]

Why not keep the current band going for now and also join the originals band you mentioned.

They should be different enough so as not to tread on each others toes.

[discreet]

1) Other band members' problems aren't your problems. Harsh, but you want to play bass, not be a carer.

2) If you haven't gigged after six months, it's unlikely you ever will. I know this from experience!

3) If you procrastinate your initial enthusiasm for being in a band and playing the bass will be compromised.

4) If a band is interested in YOU then you really should at least give them a chance to see what you're about.

5) Playing original material is a lot more fun and is more challenging and rewarding than playing covers (IMHO).

6) Playing in a band you think are way ahead of you skill-wise is excellent - you will play up to their level and improve quickly.

7) A band is prepared to be supportive and allow you to develop your own basslines?
[color=#ffffff]7)[/color] If this is indeed the case, then go for it, quick!

Edited January 10, 2013 by discreet

[jezzaboy]

That`s a lot of bad luck for the one band. I think I would go for option 3 and see how things turn out with your drummer pal. I would take the time to explain the sitiuation fully to your other band mates (something I imagine you would do anyway) and move on.

[fumps]

[quote name='paul torch' timestamp='1357816607' post='1928771']
Why not keep the current band going for now and also join the originals band you mentioned.

They should be different enough so as not to tread on each others toes.
[/quote]
+1
I was thinking the same when reading your post. A band of nice people are hard to come by & if the originals band is supportive then why not go for both? Tell the band you are in about this & see what they say. If they are decent guys & by the sound of it they are, they would tell you to go for it.

If you want to gig then join a band that is doing gigs but there is no rule books to tell you what you can & cant do !

[SpaceChick]

My concern with staying in the existing band and joining the new one is time.

If my old band are still looking at getting together a night a week, and I'll also need to give the same time (plus gigging time) to the originals, I think I'll be on a sticky wicket with Mr SpaceChick!! He's happy for me to be out a night in the week and gigging on weekends, but if it started to interfere with our homelife I think he would get upset!

[discreet]

It's telling that you're already referring to them as 'my old band'. Just sayin'.
[color=#ffffff].[/color]

Edited January 10, 2013 by discreet

[paul torch]

[quote name='SpaceChick' timestamp='1357817258' post='1928785']
My concern with staying in the existing band and joining the new one is time.

If my old band are still looking at getting together a night a week, and I'll also need to give the same time (plus gigging time) to the originals, I think I'll be on a sticky wicket with Mr SpaceChick!! He's happy for me to be out a night in the week and gigging on weekends, but if it started to interfere with our homelife I think he would get upset!
[/quote]

If you don't think it's going to be a while before you gig again then is it that important to practice/rehearse every week?

[lettsguitars]

Yea I agree. If you want to do something with some players who are in slightly better nick then just do it. There's no need to burn any bridges.

[JTUK]

Go for them all and see which ones have the most life in them...and THEN is the time to decide.

[lettsguitars]

How we ever made any decisions before basschat I'll neverv know

[fumps]

[quote name='JTUK' timestamp='1357818707' post='1928823']
Go for them all and see which ones have the most life in them...and THEN is the time to decide.
[/quote]
Good advice that. It's worth going to the different bands, have a jam with all of them & see what you think. ya never know if one just clicks into place & you feel right.

[Lozz196]

[quote name='paul torch' timestamp='1357816607' post='1928771']
Why not keep the current band going for now and also join the originals band you mentioned.

They should be different enough so as not to tread on each others toes.
[/quote]

This. I`m in two bands - as I suspect many of us are - one is my main orignals band, and the other is a covers band where we do about 6 gigs a year. It`s easily doable. Plus, working in an originals band gives you a chance to work on your own identity as a bassist.

[DogHammer]

Leave them, don't look back.

And join both the originals and new cover outfits. Throw yourself in the deep end, best way.

[Happy Jack]

Stop worrying about music and book your next annual medical ... quickly!

[SpaceChick]

[quote name='Happy Jack' timestamp='1357821995' post='1928899']
Stop worrying about music and book your next annual medical ... quickly!
[/quote]

ha ha!!

No, I'm a picture of health, but then I am a minimum of 20 years younger than my bandmates

[Ziphoblat]

There's really nothing like writing and performing original material. Covers are alright, but when you can get an audience up dancing to music you wrote, the level of satisfaction tripled (ime). Some people prefer playing covers and that's fine, each to their own and all that... but if you haven't tried originals yet I would urge you to give it a go. It can take you to a whole new level as a player; trying to keep your lines creative and refreshing gets you thinking outside the box more often, and eventually your own style will become more defined. It also sounds like you've found the perfect opportunity to dip your toes in the world of originals, provided you like their sound and music I'd be grabbing that opportunity by the balls (so to speak) if I were you... you might never get another one like it, where-as senior bands playing classic rock covers with unreliable line-ups aren'to exactly few and far between (no offence meant to anyone). If you think you can only manage one band, don't over-do it though, the last thing you want is to turn a supportive partner against your hobby. Whatever you do, keep that drummers contact info.

Edited January 10, 2013 by Ziphoblat

[Dave Vader]

Do all 3, let them all know that you are just having a punt at it, and might not be able to commit just yet, BEFORE you play with them.
Then take your pick.
Your current band (discreet has a point there) sound like they are going nowhere, at an extraordinary rate, if i was rehearsing once a week with a band that didn't gig, I would be gone in seconds. In fact i did that last year, and they were gigging once or twice a month, but it didn't work out well with the other band that I like more...

...which coincidentally was an originals band (and still is, and saves me a fortune in festival tickets, which is no bad thing, not a lot of covers bands'll do that)

[mcnach]

[quote name='discreet' timestamp='1357816676' post='1928774']
1) Other band members' problems aren't your problems. Harsh, but you want to play bass, not be a carer.

2) If you haven't gigged after six months, it's unlikely you ever will. I know this from experience!

3) If you procrastinate your initial enthusiasm for being in a band and playing the bass will be compromised.

4) If a band is interested in YOU then you really should at least give them a chance to see what you're about.

5) Playing original material is a lot more fun and is more challenging and rewarding than playing covers (IMHO).

6) Playing in a band you think are way ahead of you skill-wise is excellent - you will play up to their level and improve quickly.

7) A band is prepared to be supportive and allow you to develop your own basslines?
[color=#ffffff]7)[/color] If this is indeed the case, then go for it, quick!
[/quote]



I agree with this man.

If you feel bad about leaving a group of people who have become friends in the lurch, maybe you can stay in that band and also do something else in another band. It sounds like the original band won't be very demanding anyway... Don't be afraid to play in more than one band. It keeps it interesting!

[KevB]

You'd be lucky to be in an originals band that gigged as often as a covers band so with a bit of time management it may be feasible to do both. Having said that, as someone pointed out, if your covers band haven't managed a gig in 6 months then it may be a sign that's not meant to be. I've just had to walk away from a project that was progressing at a snail's pace through one thing and another. Time's too short even at your age.

[discreet]

[quote name='iceonaboy' timestamp='1357837215' post='1929341']
Agreed with everything apart from" if you havent gigged for 6 months you never will." I stopped for 2 years because my job wouldnt allow it and am now back playing regularly and loving it.[/quote]

I see what you mean, but I meant gigging would be unlikely after 'X' months [i]continuous rehearsal without gigs[/i] - not having a break from playing and then coming back to it later. Just wanted to make that clear.

[seashell]

[quote name='discreet' timestamp='1357816676' post='1928774']
1) Other band members' problems aren't your problems. Harsh, but you want to play bass, not be a carer.

2) If you haven't gigged after six months, it's unlikely you ever will. I know this from experience!

3) If you procrastinate your initial enthusiasm for being in a band and playing the bass will be compromised.

4) If a band is interested in YOU then you really should at least give them a chance to see what you're about.

5) Playing original material is a lot more fun and is more challenging and rewarding than playing covers (IMHO).

6) Playing in a band you think are way ahead of you skill-wise is excellent - you will play up to their level and improve quickly.

7) A band is prepared to be supportive and allow you to develop your own basslines?
[color=#ffffff]7)[/color] If this is indeed the case, then go for it, quick!
[/quote]

I think our friend has summed it up perfectly here. As Mark says, point number 5 is a matter of opinion. But from what you've said it seems to chime in with your own opinion too. So I think you should go for the originals band.

I really do understand your moral dilemma. I want to move on from my band this year and if that happens I know I will find it difficult to tell them. And they are all perfectly healthy!! But keep looking at discreet's points 1 and 2. He is right you know.

(BTW, if and when I move on I would also love it if our drummer could come with me. But that is all for another thread as and when the time comes! )

Oh and another thing... I don't suppose there will be any bands beating a path to my door . You must have built up a really good reputation... well done girl!

[SpaceChick]

Drummer has said he's not interested in the covers band, but is very supportive of me trialling other options, we've had a bit of a heart to heart and he sees why I want to move on an understands it. He's a good man.

I think I will see both the originals and the covers and see where it leads me.

I think that the time has come to part company with my current band though

[lojo]

these things are so subjective, we all want different things at different times, and the dynamics of any group vary so much, and effect us all in different ways.

for me though, id not join a covers band who where not already organised and gigging or in the process of doing so, unless it was with people I know or have some common ground with and the being part of it/practicing was a worthwhile fun or social activity within its self, gigs then would only be a bonus.

joining in with a group of disorganised strangers does not appeal to me, even if they have good intentions.

[TimR]

I'm in 3 bands.

1. Has 1 gig lined up this year with no great ambition to get more.
2. Has 3 gigs lined up and lots of enthusiasm and is looking to get one a month.
3. Haven't seen any of the guys since September when we were looking for a singer, not really sure if this really counts as being in a band.

I think band 3 sounds a bit like your current band.

I don't see a problem with being available to play with as many musicians as possible. I don't see why any other musicians should have a monopoly on your/my bass playing.