shizznit Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 I play for a soul/motown/funk covers band and for larger gigs we sometimes draft in a brass section...bumping up our line up to 9-10 musicians on stage when we can afford it and have the space to do so. However, in the past these occasions were few and far between and its hard to get the same horn players together that work well with us. So, with a lot of well paid wedding and function dates coming up for us this year we are thinking about putting together a permanent brass section together that will rehearse and play with us. Again, finding the right musicians who are happy to just to play the odd sparse riff and little melody lines are hard to come by. Its not very exciting musical platform for an experienced and talented horn player as they won't be required to play much in each song or sometimes never. But, both our keyboard player and myself have girlfriends that are very talented sax and trumpet players. They have both expressed an interest joining the band. Whilst the rest of the guys are up for it both the keys player and myself are a bit apprehensive. Situations like this always reminds me of the dramas that Fleetwood Mac experienced! Does anyone play in a band along with their partner that can share their experiences, good or bad? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarah thomas Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 My husband plays drums to my double bass. At first, we were a tad over-sensitive to each other's remarks about our individual playing but now we just get on with it and have fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seashell Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 (edited) Well I can't share my experiences yet, but I'm glad you raised this question as I'll be interested in hearing some opinions. I'm feeling it's time to branch out from my band as I'd like to try out a few more ambitious things. So I'm trying to get a little side project going with a singer I met at the Academy where I have my bass lessons. We played together in a 'scratch' band of private lesson students that was put together for a Christmas concert, and we got on well. So we've been talking about having a bit of a jam with some other musicians to try out some things with a view to maybe getting a band together, We've booked a rehearsal studio for next week. The drummer from my current band is cumming along, although he's not interested in being in 2 bands long-term so we may have to find another drummer if things take off. Anyway, singer said she said she could rustle up a guitarist. Turns out that said guitarist is her fiance. I was wondering if that might be a problem of any sort. I had a feeling that if I mentioned this fact to any of the musos I know they would all say 'Noo! run away!'. But then again, I have acted in plays and musicals with married couples before and no problem. Added to which I believe there are some BC members who are in bands with their other halves. For instance tauzero I think? So maybe they will come along to this thread and advise us! Edit: just seen Sarah's post above. That's encouraging, thanks Sarah Edited February 14, 2013 by seashell Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ziphoblat Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 (edited) I couldn't think of anything worse, personally. I guess it depends on the dynamics of your relationship. For me, my time with the band is my time to let my hair down a little bit. What happens if it turns out you just don't get along musically or there's a disparity with the rest of the band? It could harm your relationship with your partner and your band. Personally I won't even join a band with friends I already know (and pretty much all my friends are musicians) let alone with my girlfriend. Edited February 14, 2013 by Ziphoblat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigRedX Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 I think it entirely depends on the people involved. And not just the two band members in the relationship but the rest of the band as well. I've been in situations where the relationships irrelevant as far as the band and the music were concerned, and others where they adversely affected the whole band dynamic, and ultimately resulted in the couple (and often the band as well) splitting up. It's impossible to generalise. Overall in the 30 or so years I've been playing in bands it's been an even split between those relationships in the band that worked and those that didn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTUK Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 Not ideal Something might have to be said and you could end up with partners HAVING to take sides...and guess where that will have to be...!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silvia Bluejay Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 (edited) I agree with BigRedX. I'm not talking from personal experience here, but I've been around bands for most of my life and seen it all. Two points of view to consider: a - the relationship within the couple. My opinion is, if they really get along as a couple, they should get along as musicians, provided they like more or less the same kind of stuff and their proficiency levels are more or less comparable. b - the couple's relationship with the rest of the band. If "a" above works fine, there shouldn't be many problems, unless either member of the couple is a dominant figure in the band and starts trying to impose their other half on the band, for instance giving the person more solos, or creating space for their instrument where the songs require none, etc. In most cases, since both point "a" and "b" are rather difficult to obtain, having couples in a band is tricky. Edited February 14, 2013 by bluejay Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discreet Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 (edited) [quote name='shizznit' timestamp='1360848815' post='1977317'] Situations like this always reminds me of the dramas that Fleetwood Mac experienced! [/quote] Not really the same though, is it? Just to be on the safe side, keep any cocaine you have away from their bottoms and you should be OK. [quote name='seashell' timestamp='1360849517' post='1977329'] The drummer from my current band is cumming along... [/quote] 0/10 for spelling! Or, 10/10, depending on how you look at it. Edited February 14, 2013 by discreet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silvia Bluejay Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 [quote name='discreet' timestamp='1360850969' post='1977365'] 0/10 for spelling! Or, 10/10, depending on how you look at it. [/quote] Oh my, I had noticed that and hoped Mark wouldn't... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shizznit Posted February 14, 2013 Author Share Posted February 14, 2013 My girlfriend has sat in a couple of rehearsals last year. Her two comments to me in the car on the way back were "You are really bossy, aren't you?" and "You need to relax and smile more...don't be so miserable!". Both comments wound me up. I replied to her "I consider myself to be assertive, not bossy" and "I need to concentrate on what I am doing and listen out for the other musicians". Anyway, that sparked an argument. Things like that I can't be doing with. Okay, we have little disagreements in the band during rehearsals and gigs...I'm not denying it, but nothing that warrants 3 days of silence or maybe a projectile kitchen appliance aimed at my head when I get back home! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silvia Bluejay Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 (edited) [quote name='shizznit' timestamp='1360851572' post='1977378'] My girlfriend has sat in a couple of rehearsals last year. Her two comments to me in the car on the way back were "You are really bossy, aren't you?" and "You need to relax and smile more...don't be so miserable!". Both comments wound me up. I replied to her "I consider myself to be assertive, not bossy" and "I need to concentrate on what I am doing and listen out for the other musicians". Anyway, that sparked an argument. Things like that I can't be doing with. Okay, we have little disagreements in the band during rehearsals and gigs...I'm not denying it, but nothing that warrants 3 days of silence or maybe a projectile kitchen appliance aimed at my head when I get back home! [/quote] LOL, some of us band WAGs have perfected the art of attending rehearsals and being supportive, and only expressing opinions when asked. I've always been welcome, in fact [i]invited[/i] to rehearsals with all the bands my ex partners played with (not just by the partrners but by the bands). So I agree, it takes a particular kind of girlfriend to be involved at that level and not get on everybody's nerves within 30 seconds. That doesn't mean she's not a good partner in general, just not in this case. Edited February 14, 2013 by bluejay Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discreet Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 (edited) [quote name='bluejay' timestamp='1360852161' post='1977390'] [color=#282828][font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]...some of us band WAGs have perfected the art of attending rehearsals and being supportive...[/font][/color] [/quote] The current mrs discreet inevitably says 'That's nice, dear' which lacks sincerity imho. Edited February 14, 2013 by discreet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silvia Bluejay Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 [quote name='discreet' timestamp='1360852284' post='1977396'] The current mrs discreet inevitably says 'That's nice, dear' which lacks sincerity imho. [/quote] She's probably not a musician herself... and in any case, hearing that is better than hearing 'That was a bit sh*t, dear, wasn't it' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discreet Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 [quote name='bluejay' timestamp='1360852368' post='1977402'] ...better than hearing 'That was a bit sh*t, dear, wasn't it' [/quote] But then often I hear that under different circumstances... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silvia Bluejay Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 [quote name='discreet' timestamp='1360852480' post='1977410'] But then often I hear that under different circumstances... [/quote] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seashell Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 [quote name='bluejay' timestamp='1360851056' post='1977366'] Oh my, I had noticed that and hoped Mark wouldn't... [/quote] OMG you should have PM'd me!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silvia Bluejay Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 [quote name='seashell' timestamp='1360852860' post='1977419'] OMG you should have PM'd me!!! [/quote] I didn't make it in time! Mark was just too fast in spotting it and replying to the post... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seashell Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 [quote name='bluejay' timestamp='1360852161' post='1977390'] LOL, some of us band WAGs have perfected the art of attending rehearsals and being supportive, and only expressing opinions when asked. I've always been welcome, in fact [i]invited[/i] to rehearsals with all the bands my ex partners played with (not just by the partrners but by the bands). So I agree, it takes a particular kind of girlfriend to be involved at that level and not get on everybody's nerves within 30 seconds. That doesn't mean she's not a good partner in general, just not in this case. [/quote] When I was a WAG, he didn't even like me going along to gigs let alone rehearsals! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seashell Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 [quote name='bluejay' timestamp='1360852978' post='1977428'] I didn't make it in time! Mark was just too fast in spotting it and replying to the post... [/quote] Yes, in like Flynn as usual! Anyway, I'm not going to edit it now. Waaay too late. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dingus Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 This women expressing opinions business is getting completely out of hand ! Shoes and home furnishings -yes . Music -no ( unless they are Joni Mitchell ) . If these women they are musicians and are going to play in the band then that bodes a lot better than the much more common scenario of someone who has got a girlfriend who thinks she can sing . That one can get tricky , and is always a disaster . I think the Fleetwood Mac situation is unlikely to happen in reality , but it's worth bearing in mind that there are lots of other potential scenarios , such as Sonny and Cher or Ike and Tina Turner . As long as you realise that you are giving yourselves one more thing to potentially fall out over . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discreet Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 (edited) [quote name='seashell' timestamp='1360853044' post='1977432'] Anyway, I'm not going to edit it now. Waaay too late. [size=4][/quote][/size] [size=4]Sorry, Sproggins. Just thought it mildly amusing. [/size] [quote name='Dingus' timestamp='1360853233' post='1977437'] As long as you realise that you are giving yourselves one more thing to potentially fall out over . [/quote] Quite. Best if you both just stay home, watch TV and say nothing to each other. Works a treat. Edited February 14, 2013 by discreet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dingus Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 [quote name='discreet' timestamp='1360853434' post='1977442'] [/size] Quite. Best if you both just stay home, watch TV and say nothing to each other. Works a treat. [/quote] Works for me ! I quite often catch Mrs Dingus sitting there on the sofa looking at me and thinking about how lucky she is . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peteb Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 Most of the girls I know who gig regularly tend to have partners who are musicians and often end up playing in bands with them! It can cause problems but usually it works out alright so why worry. Tal Wilkenfeld seems to do ok playing with Vinnie Colaiuta..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brensabre79 Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 It really depends on the couple. I play in a band with a couple, have done for years. You can tell when they have had an argument at home before a gig or practice, but they don't bring it in with them, ever. Having said that, I don't like my partner commenting on gigs she comes to at all, she's a musician, but not a gigging one and she plays classical. I prefer to go do my band thing alone to be honest, and she respects that. Fleetwood Mac syndrome (as I call it) is always worth considering, I've been in bands in the past where there have been issues. But usually with the girl sleeping with more than one bandmember, sparking egos and tempers to flare up and ultimately splitting both the band and relationships in the process. If, as couples you're solid, then you will probably be OK as long as you both know that when you enter the practice room/gig venue, you are not a married couple any more, you are part of a family (the band) and you should leave your marriage out of it (and the band out of your marriage too). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marvin Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 Worked with a band last year where the singer and guitarist were an item. A right royal PITA. Their personal problems would spill into band politics, so if they'd had an argument during the day/week/month that would manifest itself in an argument in the band. AND, they'd both bitch about each other behind the other one's back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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