The Curse of The Bass Player

[John Cellario]

THE CURSE OF THE BASS PLAYER 



In the beginning there was a bass. 

It was a Fender, probably a Precision, but it could have been a Jazz - 
nobody knows. Anyway, it was very old ...definitely pre- C.B.S. 

And God looked down upon it and saw that it was good. He saw that it was 
very good in fact, and couldn't be improved on at all (though men 
would later try.) 



And so He let it be and He created a man to play the bass. and lo 
the man looked upon the bass, which was a beautiful 'sunburst' red, 
and he loved it. He played upon the open E string and the note 
rang through the earth and reverberated throughout the firmaments 
(thus reverb came to be.) 

And it was good.

And God heard that it was good and He smiled at his 
handiwork. 

Then in the course of time, the man came to slap upon the bass. And lo 
it was funky. And God heard this funkiness and He said, "Go man, go." 
And it was good. And more time passed, and, having little else to 
do, the man came to practice upon the bass. 



And lo, the man came to have upon him a great set of chops. And he 
did play faster and faster until the notes rippled like a breeze 
through the heavens. 

And God heard this sound which sounded something like the wind, which 
had created earlier. It also sounded something like the movement 
of furniture, which He hadn't even created yet, and He was not so 
pleased. 

And He spoke to the man, saying "Don't do that!"

Now the man heard the 
voice of God, but he was so excited about his new ability that he 
slapped upon the bass a blizzard of funky notes. And the heavens 
shook with the sound, and the Angels ran about in confusion. (Some of 
the Angels started to dance, but that's another story.) 

And God heard this - how could He miss it - and lo He became 
Bugged. And He spoke to the man, and He said, "Listen man, if I 
wanted Jimi Hendrix I would have created the guitar. Stick to the 
bass parts."



And the man heard the voice of God, and he knew not to mess with it. 
But now he had upon him a passion for playing fast and high. 
The man took the frets off of the bass which God had created. 
And the man did slide his fingers upon the fretless fingerboard and play 
melodies high upon' the neck. 

And, in his excitement, the man did forget the commandment of the 
Lord, and he played a frenzy of high melodies and blindingly fast licks. 
And the heavens rocked with the assault and the earth shook, rattled 
and rolled.



Now God's wrath was great.

And His voice was thunder as He spoke to the 
man. And He said, "O.K. for you, pal. You have not heeded My word. Lo, I 
shall create a soprano saxophone and it shall play higher than you 
can even think of." "And from out of the chaos I shall bring forth 
the drums. And they shall play so many notes thine head shall ache, 
and I shall make you to always stand next to the drummer." 

"You think you're loud? I shall create a stack of Marshall guitar amps 
to make thine ears bleed. And I shall send down upon the earth other 
instruments, and lo, they shall all be able to play higher and faster 
than the bass." "And for all the days of man, your curse shall be 
this: that all the other musicians shall look to you, the bass player, 
for the low notes.



And if you play too high or fast all the other musicians shall say "Wow" 
but really they shall hate it. And they shall tell you you're 
ready for your solo career, and find other bass players for their 
bands. 

And for all your days if you want to play your fancy licks you 
shall have to sneak them in like a thief in the night." "And if you 
finally do get to play a solo, everyone shall leave the bandstand and go 
to the bar for a drink." 



And it was so.......




[color=#FF0000]A bass friend sent me this after he'd seen me play a pretty crap solo one night at a gig![/color]

[KingBollock]

So the curse of the Bass player is to repeat the same thing over and over again...?

[John Cellario]

Sorry about that..posted it last night but it disappeared!

[discreet]

[quote name='John Cellario' timestamp='1362237895' post='1997398']
...And if you play too high or fast all the other musicians shall say "Wow" 
but really they shall hate it.
[/quote]

[gary mac]

I will resist the temptation to slap through the middle of Mustang Sally at the function tonight. ....sigh.........

It's a fishing club end of season dinner dance, only we've been told they never dance.

[KingBollock]

[quote name='John Cellario' timestamp='1362238947' post='1997416']
Sorry about that..posted it last night but it disappeared!
[/quote]
Not to worry, just pulling your leg.

It is a cracker it has to be said.

[discreet]

[quote name='Len_derby' timestamp='1362242297' post='1997465']
Len, how come your 'Daz Kelly Band' link leads to my Facebook page..?
[/quote]