Feedback on original song

[Sub_Drop]

What do people think of my original song? Any feedback or comments would be helpful on anything (e.g. arrangement, instrumental parts, feel, lyrics, etc).

The song can be found here -

Bandcamp - www.stevenswift.bandcamp.com
Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/stevenswift/take-a-look-around-steven

[xgsjx]

Nah, load of rubbish. Give it up mate!


Only kidding, I've not listened to it yet. But I will.

[xilddx]

Ok I'll be perfectly honest or it's not worth commenting. There are a lot of songs like this around. It doesn't really stand out among them as special or different. The mix isn't too bad but it needs some balance and more punch. The vocalist is good but I find the oversouling and vocal ticks annoying, simply because so many lady voices in this genre sound like that, and it's not the true voice of the singer, more like a pastiche. You should work on the lyrics, sorry to say this but some of the lines are a bit corny, and it's the same old story we've heard so many times, try to tell it in a more original way. The cadence and chords are too bland, too common, try to make them more interesting and emotional with some harmonic, rhythmic or melodic devices. It's a good effort, but it needs a lot of work to make it sparkle. We've all been here mate. Keep at it and you'll get there with hard work and cultivating your imagination. Read inspiring prose and poetry to develop your lyrical style. Take your lyrics writing as seriously as the music. Best of luck man, I hope reading this didn't hurt too much.

[TheGreek]

I enjoyed it - found it easy on the ear (she's got a good voice) but felt that you could have pushed the bass a bit further forward to give it a punchier feel. Nigel has more experience in a studio so there may be something in what he says..

[Stan_da_man]

[quote name='xilddx' timestamp='1366386752' post='2051984']
Ok I'll be perfectly honest or it's not worth commenting. There are a lot of songs like this around. It doesn't really stand out among them as special or different. The mix isn't too bad but it needs some balance and more punch. The vocalist is good but I find the oversouling and vocal ticks annoying, simply because so many lady voices in this genre sound like that, and it's not the true voice of the singer, more like a pastiche. You should work on the lyrics, sorry to say this but some of the lines are a bit corny, and it's the same old story we've heard so many times, try to tell it in a more original way. The cadence and chords are too bland, too common, try to make them more interesting and emotional with some harmonic, rhythmic or melodic devices. It's a good effort, but it needs a lot of work to make it sparkle. We've all been here mate. Keep at it and you'll get there with hard work and cultivating your imagination. Read inspiring prose and poetry to develop your lyrical style. Take your lyrics writing as seriously as the music. Best of luck man, I hope reading this didn't hurt too much.
[/quote]

I wish you much success.

[xilddx]

Ok then

SubDrop I've clearly overstepped the mark. I'm really sorry, I was just saying how I felt about your song based on what I've learned over the years. If I've in any way offended you then I offer my heartfelt apologies. Believe me, my past is littered with rubbish lyrics and songs. Yours is much better than my early efforts.

I really really awful now

Edited April 19, 2013 by xilddx

[skankdelvar]

[quote name='xilddx' timestamp='1366410448' post='2052411']
I really really awful now
[/quote]

Don't.

The OP asked for comments on [i]anything[/i]. You're an experienced musician who writes his own stuff, plays sessions and regularly works with talented professional songwriters and you gave him an informed opinion based on that.

He or anyone else may disagree with your opinion. They may believe that more sugar was required when making your observations. But lying to him about what you think isn't going to help him. Neither will the OP benefit from others turning this into a slag-off session.

When I've got a minute I'll listen to it myself.

Edited April 20, 2013 by skankdelvar

[Dad3353]

Good afternoon, Sub...

I'm no expert, and have no taste and cloth ears, so please dilute my remarks with others before absorption...

First, and one-time, listen. I like the general arrangement, with the light entry, building to a climax, then falling away, to come back again. OK,can be a bit 'cliché', but it works. Not so keen on the ending; I would have preferred either a 'fade to black', or an 'outro'. One should end with a bang, not a whimper, imo.
No qualms with the playing, except for the drums, which irritated with fussy fills that 'dragged' the tempo. The drums (still imho, of course...) should do as the bass does quite well, that's to say: play the minimum required and don't (try to...) show off. A straight beat, simple fills, nothing more. If one has to be inspired to do more, I would suggest listening to 'Grace', by Jeff Buckley. That's decent drumming (but one has to be sh*t-hot to do that...).
I liked the vocals, except the 'soul-searching' expression as the song progressed. I'm not a fan of this 'decorative' style, and this young lady is no less guilty than many others in this respect, to my ears. 'Live', perhaps, one may fantasise more, but for a recording, I would recommend the simplistic route.
I wasn't following the text too much; indeed, it's rare that I listen intently to any lyrics, still less at first hearing. Nothing shocked me (is that a compliment, though..?).
Voilà..! You asked for impressions and opinion; there's mine, for what little it's worth. All in all a sturdy offering, well recorded and listen able, except for those dragging drums (but then again, I would notice that, wouldn't I..?).
Hope this helps; no malice intended.

[skankdelvar]

Now we all feel bad, me included. Man-hug, no tongues.

Still trying to find my headphones - damn this house-move.

[waynepunkdude]

I didn't hear any feedback.....

[Lowender]

[quote name='xgsjx' timestamp='1366365946' post='2051454']
I've not listened to it yet. But I will.
[/quote]

I never understood why people say this. It takes a minute. If you haven't done it, why comment?

Anyway, I don't think opinions should be based on whether anyone likes the song or not -- that's subjective. If you're looking for musical critique, it should have an explanation.

So here's mine.

I think it's nice -- not my cup of tea since I like big, hooky choruses, but it's got a good vibe and a good sound. The singer has a nice voice. I'd do a few things differently in regard to arrangement and production, but that's another topic. (One example would be not to have background "aaahs" with just one voice. It should be in harmony). If I were to put on my producers hat I'd say the big flaw was the drumming. It sounds very amateurish. It makes an otherwise pro recording sound like a demo.

And oh yeah, could use a little more bass. : )

Edited April 20, 2013 by Lowender

[JamesBass]

The OP asked for some feedback and unfortunately in everything, feedback has lost the critical angle, critiquing is what people want, yes we all want to hear "Best thing ever" "Future number 1" but that NEVER improves us, pointing out flaws while also giving an insight to how it could be changed to be better can be awful to hear one day but go back to it and try it out as begrudgingly as we ALL do and find it fits then you'll be pleased with it! If the feedback is harsh and abrasive and tells you its crap then yeah, get on the guys back about being too harsh.

For what it's worth, my 2ps worth would be: The melody is nice, could be a bit more fluid with what in my opinion is a stunted and not fluid strumming pattern, perhaps picking the notes instead of strumming on the intro would improve the feel? The chord progressions are nice, very standard sort of feel, no crazy 13ths and major 9th chords in there, from what I can hear! The girls voice is nice, great mix on that, very natural with just a hint of effects. The instrument mix for me doesn't do it, the bass isn't punchy enough, the drums just don't lock in and create that nice strong backbone, they play the right things in my opinion but how they are seated in the mix just doesn't do it for me, maybe a revisit to compression might help, some more make-up gain, a softer ratio? Or the EQ balance could be shifted to cut some of the low end frequencies to create the space the bass needs down there? It's a good little song, very listenable and very simple, which most ballads are! Most importantly are you and the guys who recorded it with you happy with it? If so then discount what we have said

I will add once the full band are in it's good

Good luck with the future songs, looking forward to hearing some more of your stuff

[Grangur]

First I should say I'm no musical expert, but I know when I like something. I salute your bravery to you openning your soul to comments from the "great unwashed".

I've listened a couple of times with Mrs G. We like the sound/tone of the track. You've got a good sounding vocalist and band there.

I like a ballad and this starts off sounding like a ballad. After the intro the track builds as if it's going into a rocky chorus, but nothing happend. It stayed on the same level. A bit more of a "kick" from the drums and bass would have been good. Lifting it also could have changed the vocals a bit too and given some light and shade. It didn't do that, it carried on in the same maner.

So we carried on listening and to me and the Mrs G it stayed sounding "nice" but we didn't really notice the verses and the chorus happening. Sorry to say this, but if we were in a pub this would be like nice acoustic wall paper.

I recon if you can bring a change in tempo to the chorus and have the verses in the nice mellow tune you have, it would grab our attention more and we might get the message you're trying to make in the lyrics; which as it was Mr & Mrs G here failed to get.

As for the lyrics.... there's a phrase that's banded about in many things: "KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid". No offence meant here, its a phrase that means keep the words simple so we latch onto a clear comon refrain. We then start to sing that bit with you and the more we start to feel we can sing it, the more we buy into your message - selling records

Thanks for the chance to hear your work. We truely enjoyed it and it's a really great start to your writing and performing. We too look forward to hearing more from you.

[xgsjx]

[quote name='Lowender' timestamp='1366464302' post='2052918']
I never understood why people say this. It takes a minute. If you haven't done it, why comment?
[/quote]

I was at work when I made the comment. I can't listen to anything there.
I made a joking remark & then that comment is self explanatory. Had I left the comments out, it could have been assumed that I was being nasty, which I was not.
I will listen to the track either today or tomorrow. I'd like to just now, but I can't.

[Skol303]

Firstly, I don't think anybody needs to apologise here. All of the comments above are honest and useful - and that's exactly the sort of feedback we all want, surely? I'm sure the OP appreciates people taking the time to listen and give critical feedback.

Here are some notes I scribbled down while listening to it:

Firstly, good effort! There's lots right with this track, but equally lots of things that could be improved (as with most things…). I liked the sound of it right from the off - the vocal grabbed my attention immediately (and reminded me slightly of [url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGoCtJzPHkU"]Madilyn Bailey[/url] - but then I had been listening to her moments before!).

What i feel the song really lacks is [b]dynamics[/b]… both in terms of the mix and the composition. For example:

- There's very little change in energy between the verse and chorus - they just seem to blend together with little difference between them.
- There's very little in the way of stereo width - everything seems panned towards the centre. Maybe try throwing it wide during the chorus, for instance?
- The drums seem to quiet and lack punch. Don't be afraid to raise them in the mix. They also seem too 'fussy' in places and could be simplified.
- Conversely, the lead vocal seems too loud, whereas the backing vocal is lost entirely.
- The electric guitar in the chorus needs to be much higher in the mix: it's currently sounding weak and lost.

Don't take any of this negatively! It is a good track, but not a [i]great[/i] one. I'm just back from making a cup of tea and I can't remember it to hum it. So it's perhaps not what I'd call catchy - yet!

Keep it up Sub Drop and don't be a stranger here. Plenty of other people's music in the [url="http://basschat.co.uk/forum/10-recording/"]Recording forum[/url] if you want to play critic yourself!

PS: I read somewhere that it's always important to qualify people's comments before taking them to heart. So in the interest of that I should say that I'm in no way a music professional - I'm just some guy who makes music for fun at home and I'm very much a beginner myself (although I did once review music for a living - mainly electronica). I listened to your track on headphones (open-back cans).

Edited April 20, 2013 by Skol303

[neepheid]

[quote name='xilddx' timestamp='1366410448' post='2052411']
Ok then

SubDrop I've clearly overstepped the mark. I'm really sorry, I was just saying how I felt about your song based on what I've learned over the years. If I've in any way offended you then I offer my heartfelt apologies. Believe me, my past is littered with rubbish lyrics and songs. Yours is much better than my early efforts.

I really really awful now
[/quote]

This makes me sad. Honest critique is now frowned upon? Hell, no! Don't feel bad. You did nothing wrong. OP asked for "any feedback" not "a circle jerk of positive comments only please".

[lojo]

Don't think anyone should be apologising for giving honest feedback, the Op was brave enough to put it out for comment. He then has to make his own choices what to take on board and what to ignore.

[Sub_Drop]

First off, I am sorry to see that my 'feedback on anything' has created a little bit of drama 'for one of a better term'.

I am grateful for all of the feedback and comments on how to improve the song and my overall songwriting skills.
Thank you for actually listening to the song and giving me honest opinions.
I haven't taken any of the comments to heart so don't feel bad or feel harsh for anything that could be taken badly or wrong.

Unfortunately I didn't mix or master this track and I agree that panning and EQ would make it sound slightly better. The whole song was recorded over two days and it was mixed and mastered in one day due to tight deadlines for Uni. I'm not making excuses though and I hope that all of you can review my future releases.

I hope that all of your comments will show up in my future songs and will improve my overall musicianship.

Thank you again.

[Skol303]

Good on you, Steven! That's your 'baptism of fire' done and dusted on Basschat. You are now fully qualified to cause dramas of your own and run riot in the Off Topic forum

Seriously though, keep us posted on your music and be sure to chip in on the Recording forum. We'd value your input.

Paul

[Sub_Drop]

Cheers Paul.

That means alot to me mate.

[xilddx]

[quote name='Skol303' timestamp='1366586512' post='2054646']
Good on you, Steven! That's your 'baptism of fire' done and dusted on Basschat. You are now fully qualified to cause dramas of your own and run riot in the Off Topic forum

Seriously though, keep us posted on your music and be sure to chip in on the Recording forum. We'd value your input.

Paul
[/quote]

Bang on, mate!

[discreet]

[quote name='lojo' timestamp='1366546680' post='2053761']
Don't think anyone should be apologising for giving honest feedback, the OP was brave enough to put it out for comment. He then has to make his own choices what to take on board and what to ignore.
[/quote]

+1. The OP now knows where to come for proper feedback. That's useful, isn't it?

[xilddx]

[quote name='Sub_Drop' timestamp='1366586787' post='2054648']
Cheers Paul.

That means alot to me mate.
[/quote]

Sub, I wish I'd have had access to this feedback when I started writing, back in the '90s you'd have had to pay for it beyond the opinions of your mates. Keep going for it and learn through everything you do and all the feedback you get.

But remember, it's YOUR voice that matters here. You can choose to write songs to please other people, or you can write songs to please yourself. Choose the latter and, paradoxically, you are more likely to please other people. People who listen to music need to make connections with it, that could be anything, what you wear, your haircut, that you have a moon waxing gibbous on your EP cover, that funny little whistling sound in the bridge, that you sung 'Alf' in a verse and that was the listener's pigeon fancying granddad's name, it could be anything. But if you are honest with yourself and reflect yourself, rather than be a pastiche of what you think are others' perceptions, the chances are you will find that people identify with you and like what you do. People generally have a nose for the truth. Think like a comedian when you write your lyrics. If that doesn't come naturally, I recommend reading about human status transactions, there's a fabulous book called IMPRO by Keith Johnstone with an great section on it, fascinating stuff [url="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Impro-Performance-Books-Improvisation-Theatre/dp/0713687010/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1366589008&sr=1-1&keywords=impro"]http://www.amazon.co...&keywords=impro[/url] There's a summary of status exchange here http://www.rehearsalsforgrowth.com/improv1.html

Think about what's really you and write about how YOU feel, it's hard and it's uncomfortable, sick-making at times because being honest with yourself and others makes you feel extremely vulnerable unless you've developed some confidence, but if you do you will blossom.

All the best, and like Skol said, keep it real in the Recording section

Edited April 22, 2013 by xilddx

[MiltyG565]

You've got input from a lot of people here with more experience than me, and you should probably listen to that, but here's what I think.

The vocals are a bit cliche. I've said this for quite a while. All women seem to want to sing like that, and personally, i've never found it appealing, so maybe that's just me, but she definitely can sing, there's no doubt about that, although I think I heard a few flat notes, so that's something to work on. The backing vocals just didn't do it for me. I can't put my finger on it, but they just seem a little lacklustre. Like's been said, the lyrics are a little corny, maybe something I would expect from a musical, or worship group. Something odd happens when the drums come in, everything dies for a second. Not meaning to be rude, but the track does put me in mind of a worship band. I do like the simplicity of it, but everything seems to familiar, nearly to the point of over-familiarity.

That's my views on it my own personal opinion. It's quite harsh, but don't be discouraged. The fact alone that you have written and recorded a song is something to be proud of, and if you're happy with the arrangement and how things are, that's cool, put it out there, but you can probably expect people to have these criticisms then too, and they might be far ruder about it. Like I said, if that's how you want it to sound, that's cool, and it's ultimately your choice what you do here, but i'm giving you feedback from an amateur musicians point of view. Take it or leave it

Good luck with it, and you'll post up another link of it if you make any changes, won't you?

[MiltyG565]

[quote name='discreet' timestamp='1366588731' post='2054664']
+1. The OP now knows where to come for proper feedback. That's useful, isn't it?
[/quote]

Yes, now I know too!