the reason relationships and bands are a bad idea

[Chrismanbass]

hi guys

kinda using you as a sounding board but heres the story so far

auditioning for graduation at my uni which means if we get it then we get to play at shepherds bush empire, however more than that we get to do anything we like which means we can work out a really cool arrangement of the song we're doing. the band is a regular function band of mine where the drummer and the lead singer are an item.

anyway moving forward to today and the audition at 10am this morning and we start the song all is going well however before the first chorus there is a one bar stop and the drummer forgets and plays straight through it not a major emergency however its a little messy then going into the chorus.
Anyway skip to the end of the audition and outside the singer is visibly annoyed but doesn't say anything and then just leaves leaving the drummer to walk home on his own.

so now i'm left wondering whats going on. i'm worried now cause the band is awesome i really enjoy playing with them and also its a pretty good earner too, however i'm just glad i'm not in his shoes at the minute

any thoughts?

[Stan_da_man]

Can't think of one band where there was a couple and it ended up either themselves or the band breaking up.

Edited April 27, 2013 by Stan_da_man

[Jus Lukin]

-

Edited February 18, 2022 by Jus Lukin

[Lozz196]

It`s the same in companies, and why many have stipulations that people in relationships can`t work in the same department. When it comes down to it, personal issues will inevitably be prioritised by the individual over professional issues. Main difference in a band is that the one with the issues is more likely to tell the others who ask them to calm down/put it to one side to f*ck off, whereas at work their livelyhood depends on them towing the line.

[lettsguitars]

Drummer missing a stop? Never!
Never did Wings any harm.

[skankdelvar]

Dear Worried

I don't really know much about music, but I do know people. When a woman looks visibly annoyed but doesn't say anything, you can be sure the storm flags are flying. And if her mouth purses in a particular way (psychologists call it 'invisible lips syndrome') then trouble is just around the corner.

You say the drummer had to walk home alone. This where timing is important. If he arrived home just after she did, then the row is likely to have picked up again straight away. But if it's an hour or two later, she'll have had some time to get over things. With luck, he'll have come through the door to find a casserole in the oven, flowers on the table and his girlfriend sat up in bed wearing nothing but Chanel No. 5.

It's always a worry when a couple you know well are going through a rocky patch. You must resist the temptation to get involved or to ask either party what happened. And don't ask for pictures.

And don't mention the original mistake. Remember it's every woman's privilege to fly off the handle for absolutely no reason at all.

But if it carries on you've got a bigger problem in the long term. Do you live with the uncomfortable silences or do you mention it to both of them? Will they gang up on you and say it's none of your business? Same if you talk to just one of them - they'll run off home and spill the beans. It could all get very sticky and you could end up having to take sides.

So here's my advice. Your drummer clearly can't handle pressure and your singer's a bad-tempered, silly cow. Find replacements and fire them both. You'll thank me in the long-run.

Love, Deidre. Edited April 27, 2013 by skankdelvar

[wateroftyne]

Mrs. WoT & I are in quite a lot of bands together, and go on little tours pretty often. We treat them as a break away from the kids.

Unless there's something she hasn't told me yet, I don't see any break-ups on the horizon...

[chrismuzz]

I don't think it's necessarily a bad idea. Most people, if they take the music seriously, will prioritise when it comes to rehearsals, gigs, writing, recording, etc. Although if problems in the relationship DO occur, it's likely to affect the band. Especially if there is a bad break up, as one of them will inevitably quit. There are plenty of examples of bands that I have met and been involved with where two members being in a relationship with eachother has never been an issue whatsoever though.

[lowdown]

Drop a bar, go to the bar, makes no difference....
Anything to do with bars will always cause a problem with some partners.



Garry

[Geddys nose]

Quite amazing how some bands use the tension to write quite amazing music ie.Fleetwood Mac,Abba,Tina Turner & Ike it must be near hell to be around the same people touring.

[Truckstop]

Don't do anything. It only becomes your problem when it has an effect on the band/income. In which case I'd take the other musicians and start another band or sack the pair of them.

I've always treated every band I've ever played with as an income source. I try not to get too involved with the other musicians personal lives because when it comes to earning a living that becomes your priority. If the band misses gigs or loses work because of the behaviour of your co-workers, you gotta deal with it quick snap!

Truckstop

[Stacker]

[quote name='Stan_da_man' timestamp='1367059834' post='2060742']
Can't think of one band where there was a couple and it ended up either themselves or the band breaking up.
[/quote]
Same here, in my experience. I also experienced a 'partner' who had nothing to do with the band I was in making suggestions and cajoling the female singer into a stance that conflicted withe the original idea of the band. What made matters worse in this instance was that he was the singer's 'bit on the side'. He was a known, feted guitarist up my way and had an ego the size of Jupiter. He worked his magic with the singer and even though he was told to keep his distance the band imploded not long after that, though he/she were not the main reason for this happening.

IF I ever got involved in a band again, I would not entertain working with a couple, nascent or otherwise.

Edited April 27, 2013 by Stacker

[4-string-thing]

[quote name='skankdelvar' timestamp='1367062842' post='2060791']


Dear Worried

I don't really know much about music, but I do know people. When a woman looks visibly annoyed but doesn't say anything, you can be sure the storm flags are flying. And if her mouth purses in a particular way (psychologists call it 'invisible lips syndrome') then trouble is just around the corner.

You say the drummer had to walk home alone. This where timing is important. If he arrived home just after she did, then the row is likely to have picked up again straight away. But if it's an hour or two later, she'll have had some time to get over things. With luck, he'll have come through the door to find a casserole in the oven, flowers on the table and his girlfriend sat up in bed wearing nothing but Chanel No. 5.

It's always a worry when a couple you know well are going through a rocky patch. You must resist the temptation to get involved or to ask either party what happened. And don't ask for pictures.

And don't mention the original mistake. Remember it's every woman's privilege to fly off the handle for absolutely no reason at all.

But if it carries on you've got a bigger problem in the long term. Do you live with the uncomfortable silences or do you mention it to both of them? Will they gang up on you and say it's none of your business? Same if you talk to just one of them - they'll run off home and spill the beans. It could all get very sticky and you could end up having to take sides.

So here's my advice. Your drummer clearly can't handle pressure and your singer's a bad-tempered, silly cow. Find replacements and fire them both. You'll thank me in the long-run.

Love, Deidre.
[/quote]PMSL!!!!

[EssentialTension]

I've been in bands with people in personal relationships, including my own. It's not a problem if people know how behave professionally.

[Chrismanbass]

haha thanks guys some good advice and some stuff thats cheered me up as it happens the singer has sent a message around and apologised for being unprofessional so we'll see how things progress

[seashell]

Glad the OPs situation seems to be resolving. :-)
I was a bit apprehensive when forming my number 2 band and singer wanted to bring her fiancee in on guitar. I even started a thread about it! But so far so good. :-)
In fact the atmosphere is better than in number 1 band where Vox and guitar are always bickering (2 straight blokes DEFINITELY not in a relationship!)

[discreet]

[quote name='skankdelvar' timestamp='1367062842' post='2060791']
Your drummer clearly can't handle pressure and your singer's a bad-tempered, silly cow.
[/quote]

[JapanAxe]

[quote name='4-string-thing' timestamp='1367069888' post='2060896']
PMSL!!!!
[/quote]
What? Please try to take this seriously. 'PMSL' just will not do, you need at least a 'LMFAO' for this situation.

[tonyquipment]

Look at ABBA... !

[the boy]

Is this a serious post. All sounds a bit dodgy to me.

[EssentialTension]

[quote name='tonyquipment' timestamp='1367101233' post='2061390']
Look at ABBA... !
[/quote]
... and Fleetwood Mac.

[skankdelvar]

In-band relationships that ended in tears:

Jack and Meg White
Les Paul and Mary Ford
Lyle Lovett and KD Lang

and most famously - Nina and Frederik, dutch warblers of the early 60's. Who can forget 'Little Donkey'?

[url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qudi6JqE-M"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qudi6JqE-M[/url]


[size=3]* Renee and Renato don't count because they weren't married and anyway her name was Lesley.[/size]

[icastle]

[quote name='skankdelvar' timestamp='1367106404' post='2061436']
Who can forget 'Little Donkey'?
[/quote]

I have been trying to for many many years...

[skankdelvar]

[quote name='icastle' timestamp='1367106537' post='2061438']
I have been trying to for many many years...
[/quote]

Well, now I've reminded you, I shall expand upon the ghastly fate that befell Nina and Frederik. Well, not Nina. Just Frederik. After they broke up, she carried on singing while he wandered off round the world, ending up in the Phillipines where he was shot to death in what police described as a 'mysterious professional killing'.

She didn't have anything to do with it, mind, but it just goes to show, doesn't it?

[i]"Little Donkey, Little Donkey, carry your precious load,[/i]
[i]Little Donkey, dum-di-dum, dum-di-dum-dum-dum."[/i]

[xilddx]

[quote name='skankdelvar' timestamp='1367062842' post='2060791']


Dear Worried

I don't really know much about music, but I do know people. When a woman looks visibly annoyed but doesn't say anything, you can be sure the storm flags are flying. And if her mouth purses in a particular way (psychologists call it 'invisible lips syndrome') then trouble is just around the corner.

You say the drummer had to walk home alone. This where timing is important. If he arrived home just after she did, then the row is likely to have picked up again straight away. But if it's an hour or two later, she'll have had some time to get over things. With luck, he'll have come through the door to find a casserole in the oven, flowers on the table and his girlfriend sat up in bed wearing nothing but Chanel No. 5.

It's always a worry when a couple you know well are going through a rocky patch. You must resist the temptation to get involved or to ask either party what happened. And don't ask for pictures.

And don't mention the original mistake. Remember it's every woman's privilege to fly off the handle for absolutely no reason at all.

But if it carries on you've got a bigger problem in the long term. Do you live with the uncomfortable silences or do you mention it to both of them? Will they gang up on you and say it's none of your business? Same if you talk to just one of them - they'll run off home and spill the beans. It could all get very sticky and you could end up having to take sides.

So here's my advice. Your drummer clearly can't handle pressure and your singer's a bad-tempered, silly cow. Find replacements and fire them both. You'll thank me in the long-run.

Love, Deidre.
[/quote]



Although it's more like Mariella