Smallest and Grottiest Venues you've played!

[thebrig]

Don't know whether this has been done before, but as the title suggests, please tell us about some of the smallest and grottiest places you have ever played at.

For me, one particular place that springs to mind, was at a local football club where there was a pool table directly in front of the tiny stage area, it was kicking off in the car park every 15 minutes or so, women were fighting on the dancefloor over their fella's, the toilets were behind the stage and could only be reached by squeezing past me as I was playing, mind you, it wasn't always bad, as there was a rather ample bosomed lady who kept rubbing her delightful assets on my playing arm, much to mine, and the crowds delight each time she had to pay a visit.

Having said all that, it was a great night, the crowd loved us, and we had to do encore after encore!

So come on, tell us about your awful/great experiences please.

[Bassman Sam]

The worse place I played was the Royal Hotel, Redcar. The stage was so small, to fit on it, I had to take a light fitting off the wall so I didn't hit it with the headstock. I was playing a Washburn Status headless at the time.

The venue was at the front of a run down hotel which we were allocated a room each for the night. There was no door on the communal toilet and shower room and the rain dripped into the bedrooms. When I finally drank enough to try and get some sleep in this sh*thole, I got into the bed and it was damper than a puddle of p*ss and smelled as bad.

The drive back to Essex from Teesside was memorable for the stink from my bleary eyed bandmates as we tried to get warm from the van heater. The joys of gigging.

Edited October 2, 2013 by Bassman Sam

[Mr. Foxen]

Think the Gryphon is 40 capacity. Still used a 2x15 and 4x12 for my set.

[thebrig]

[quote name='Mr. Foxen' timestamp='1380756734' post='2230321']
Think the Gryphon is 40 capacity. Still used a 2x15 and 4x12 for my set.
[/quote]
I hope the man at the back could hear you!

Edited October 3, 2013 by thebrig

[Mr. Foxen]

[quote name='thebrig' timestamp='1380758413' post='2230333']
I hope the man at the back could hear you!
[/quote]

Can't hear anything any more.

[Bassman Sam]

[quote name='Mr. Foxen' timestamp='1380758802' post='2230337']
Can't hear anything any more.
[/quote]

[size=4] [/size]

[fleabag]

This is about as bad as it gets. You can see our singer in the check shirt is about 2ft from the wall opposite the band. Further along the wall is the bar. Go figure. What kind of brain decided to book a band and stick us in that position ? Somewhere, there's a village missing an idiot

The mind boggles

On top of that, we had a heckler for most of the night, who even had the gall to go up to our rhythm guitarist - while he was mid song ! - and whisper in his ear that he was sh*t. He was also shouting from the bar where he was drinking with his mates, who looked somewhat embarrassed, and weren't joining in.

Our drummer - take a look at him - went over to him during the break and spoke to him in his ear. The heckling stopped, but we were contemplating letting the drummer re-arrange the guy's face later after the gig, but thought better of it.

[IMG]http://i44.tinypic.com/wk1k52.jpg[/IMG]

Edited October 3, 2013 by fleabag

[CamdenRob]

I was in a dodgy metal band when I was 14 and we played some real dives and inappropriate sized venues. The Standard in Walthamstow springs to mind.. All black painted walls with an enormous ramp the went out into the "crowd". It had the smallest back stage room I've ever seen with the grottiest sofa in all existence... Think the smallest we ever played was the Red Eye in Islington, the stage was literally about six foot square.

Played quite a few needlessly large venues as well, played once at the Oval in Norwich with the same dodgy metal band. Had a massive stage and one of those floor to ceiling metal grilles at the front, presumably to protect us from the raucous crowd made up solely of the other bands and their girlfriends...

Rob

Edited October 3, 2013 by CamdenRob

[crez5150]

Think smallest stage I've played is the 12 Bar club on Denmark St....... we managed to get the drummer on.... that was it.

[Ticktock]

We got booked to play a gig for the "crusties" in Belfast in the early 90s.
Venue was a bit dirty but not as bad as the crusties.

[obbm]

[quote name='crez5150' timestamp='1380783061' post='2230382']
Think smallest stage I've played is the 12 Bar club on Denmark St....... we managed to get the drummer on.... that was it.
[/quote]

I'll second that .... although we got everyone except the keyboard onto the stage. The split level audience is novel as well.

[BobVbass]

There's been a few - Bacchus Wine bar, Kingston in the nineties was in the basement and had pillars and barriers right in front of the band so the audience had to look through little gaps and windows;

There was a pub in Woking (can't remember the name annoyingly) that used to set up bands in a wide passageway between it's two bars so you played the night facing a wall 3 feet away.

Proud cabaret in London has a small stage covered in champagne from the acts before and you get (literally) 3 minutes to set the band up before you play, the drummer had to play without a snare for the first four songs once as the sound man left it in the booth! (but a brilliant gig and awesome audience)

Played gay pride in Manchester in a big Marquee in a car park - great gig and stage, came back and found the portable toilets had leaked and all run over or cases and clothes in the dressing room

worst has to be the now defunct and built on Jolly Waggoners in Ewell, never have I came across a more inaccurate title for the most miserable bunch of gits in my life; the "stage was a 8'x4' area contained by wooden railings that only the drummer would fit in that was so close to the bar that we could order drinks while on stage. There was one plug socket that the manager provided by unplugging the fruit machine and the punters kept unplugging us to plug it back in. Strangely we never went back.

[Adrenochrome]

Played regularly at a small venue between Leeds and Bradford where the electrickery varied between <200 and 260 volts (we checked it once). As long as all the amps survived (they often didn't without a fuse change) you had a good gig.
We then had all our gigs there pulled because we played a venue in the next town 2 miles away...

[paulpirie8]

We once genuinely played in a chicken shed. It was a favour for a mate who wanted bands for a party he was throwing. We were under the impression that the guy had hired a little stage for his garden. Instead he was a farmer with a spare chicken shed.

I had to have my foot against the kick drum the whole time to stop the drums from collapsing and the guitarist had to put a brick on the footswitch to keep the amp on it's distorted channel.

It has become a saying when we have a bad gig or we play a sh***y venue - "There's always the chicken shed".

Paul

[toneknob]

[quote name='obbm' timestamp='1380785222' post='2230402']
I'll second that .... although we got everyone except the keyboard onto the stage. The split level audience is novel as well.
[/quote]

We got a 5-piece band on stage at the 12 Bar, including keys. Someone took a picture looking down from the balcony, it looks like we're queueing for a bus.

Same band played at the Water Rats another time. The gear storage room didn't have a ceiling at the time.

[Fat Rich]

[quote name='CamdenRob' timestamp='1380782221' post='2230377']
I was in a dodgy metal band when I was 14 and we played some real dives and inappropriate sized venues. The Standard in Walthamstow springs to mind.. All black painted walls with an enormous ramp the went out into the "crowd". It had the smallest back stage room I've ever seen with the grottiest sofa in all existence...
[/quote]

We used to look forward to playing The Standard in the late 80s / early 90s, it was a cut above our usual gigs! But then we were a bit rubbish.

Edited October 3, 2013 by Fat Rich

[CamdenRob]

[quote name='Fat Rich' timestamp='1380793360' post='2230540']
We used to look forward to playing The Standard in the late 80s / early 90s, it was a cut above our usual gigs! But then we were a bit rubbish.
[/quote]

We were rubbish as well... Played there a few times around 97/98. Strange looking bloke called Grey used to run it, nice chap actually.

[borisbrain]

Ah yes. About 6 years ago when we first started. A venue in Moxley, West Mids. A tiny hexagonal stage bounded by a balustrade, with a support column through the middle, around which a ledge for drinks had been attached. Rather like the centre console of an old-fashioned Tardis. Drummer played behind the column. About 10 people were in there, six of whom left immediately. A hen party arrived to lift our spirits, only to leave again straight away. Wretched.

Another venue in Lye, West Mids. We began the set at 10.30pm, playing to 2 people. Both behind the bar. At 11 the hardened drinkers arrived, having been thrown out of the other pubs. Not good.

And another in New Oscott, near Sutton Coldfield. Three people admired our soundcheck, and then offered to sell us cocaine. 10 people watched the first set. Three people watched the second set. We thought we'd ham it up by dancing around an on the tables using our wireless systems. Until I fell off one of them...

BB

[discreet]

A guerilla gig in an office block in Spitalfields in the early 80s. Someone blagged a key from the estate agent - the place got wrecked. I was propositioned by a dwarf wearing a Princess Leia costume. A situation I would have been able to handle better if I hadn't eaten 200 magic mushrooms. Happy days.

[toneknob]

A Genesis tribute band I played with took up enough space in a cramped Woolwich pub to get in the way of the entrance to the ladies loo. Also, the pub's floor around their was tiled (say no more). So my part in "Apocalypse in 9/8" also featured "lifting double-neck to allow access to and exit from the khazi" and "chasing bass pedals around the floor".

And yes as the evening went on the tiles got wetter (with beer that is) and of course someone went arse over tit spilling their drink everywhere.

[Norris]

I think the smallest place I have played in is a long-since-gone piano bar in Leicester. After the three of us had squeezed in next to the grand piano, we then played to the six punters that could fit in the room.

I've had my fair share of being the 'toilet entrance barrier' in a number of places.

[Woodinblack]

[quote name='toneknob' timestamp='1380792783' post='2230524']
We got a 5-piece band on stage at the 12 Bar, including keys. Someone took a picture looking down from the balcony, it looks like we're queueing for a bus.[/quote]

Went to see a group at teh 12 bar a few months ago, drums, bass, two guitars, singer and a saxaphone player that couldn't actually get on the stage so just leaned on the stairs hanging from one of the metal beams. Was about the same size in the audience too!

[CamdenRob]

[quote name='borisbrain' timestamp='1380794079' post='2230557']
And another in New Oscott, near Sutton Coldfield. Three people admired our soundcheck, and then offered to sell us cocaine. 10 people watched the first set. Three people watched the second set. We thought we'd ham it up by dancing around an on the tables using our wireless systems. Until I fell off one of them...

BB
[/quote]

Cocaine affects your balance like that...

Edited October 3, 2013 by CamdenRob

[Jambo63]

In a rock covers band in the late 90s, we played a pub in Bonnyrigg near Edinburgh. The "bouncer" was in his late 70's, we were crammed in a corner booth with the drummer sitting on the booth couch rather than a drum seat, and the toilets were immediately to our right and everyone had to walk in front of the band to get to them. About half way through the first set the bar staff came rushing over to us telling us to stop playing. We didn't think we playing as bad as that - the reason ? two women were having a cat fight at the bar. classy !

[LiamPodmore]

The Alma Inn in Bolton has a tiny stage area. It probably doesn't help that being a metal venue, the stage is taken over by a huge kit, 2 4x12's and a massive bass rig. I also remember SanSan Studios (After they bought it from when it was Soundhouse and ruined it) having a pretty small stage in sections that moved a lot the first time we were there. They'd made it bigger the next time, but it still moved.

Liam