Things you don't want to hear before a gig....

[Bilbo]

I did a gig on Saturday with a bunch of musicians I didn't know (got a call out of the blue - always a little risky). Great singer, great trumpet player and fair alto saxophonist and piano players. The drummer, however, whilst setting up, said 'I am normally the other side of the footlights doing the p.a. I haven't done a gig for about a year'.... (not hadn't done a Jazz gig, he hadn't done ANY gigs)

Thud - (the sound of my heart dropping like stone)

It was bizarre: he couldn't swing and played it absolutely straight - no tension and release, no dynamics, no interplay, nothing; like a cheap drum machine without the time. Ironically, his ballad playing and Latin grooves were fine but he just couldn't swing. The rest of the band carried the gig off and the audience liked it but you just don't want to hear that before you start to play

Nice guy, jsut no swing in his DNA.

[EssentialTension]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDQpZT3GhDg

[Clarky]

"Hey Bilbo, do you know the dots to Moondance?"

[EBS_freak]

Our regular bassist plays it like this... and does these little bits...

[chris_b]

.... we've got a neighbour problem. Can you play quietly?

I usually dread this! But we had one of these gigs on Saturday and actually managed to keep the volume right down.

The drummer used rods.

It was a great gig. Our balance was much better than normal and I thought the playing was better.

[Clarky]

"The soundman's not here yet so you probably won't have time for a soundcheck" (when arriving 2-3 hours before our allocated set time)

[Bilbo]

'We have a noise limiter'

[Jonnyboy Rotten]

"The band before/after you haven't been able to bring their instruments. You don't mind if they use yours do you?"

[EliasMooseblaster]

"Oh, didn't you get the email I sent earlier this afternoon [[i]about half an hour after you would have had to set off to get here[/i]]? We don't have a [[i]snare stand/drum stool/guitar amp/bass amp/PA system/stage area/delete as applicable[/i]], you'll have to bring your own."

Or, one that I had recently:
"One of your support bands is stuck outside...the doorman won't accept their ID and so he won't let them in."

[stingrayPete1977]

"We do the songs exactly as the record like we said in the email with the set list, well we do them in different keys and tempos, and that song you know the one where we make a medley from 8 other songs we do that with a reggae feel".

[leschirons]

"The bride's Dad's favourite song is Mustang Sally and he's going to get up and sing it."

"You'll have to change in there, I think there's a dry bit in the corner"

The organiser has had to leave but don't worry about the money"

"I've just seen the DJ's setlist, and it's the same as ours"

"P.A? I thought you were supplying that!"

"Is it going to be that loud all night? (when you've put on a quiet background CD)

And as a dep guitarist once said to me "That's not the setlist I was sent!

[ambient]

I had the one where I'm given a set list 2 weeks before the gig, I turn up to find I've been given the wrong set list . They have 2 bands, a small one and a large one, with 2 different set lists.

I knew about half the songs and had to busk the rest.

[Twigman]

Many years ago before an important gig the band were read a review, in the dressing room, that had just been handed to management:

[i]“To say that Sad Lovers & Giants (Ho Ho) have not got a great deal going for them would be an understatement indeed. A name of unremitting clumsiness, a press release capable of ending careers and a music steeped in a tradition of limp derivation. They've listened to the Banshees, they've listened to the Cure, sorted out the good bits and used the rest.” [/i]

I'm not sure management fully understood the psychology of motivation.

Edited November 18, 2013 by Twigman

[ambient]

[quote name='stingrayPete1977' timestamp='1384776002' post='2280486']
"We do the songs exactly as the record like we said in the email with the set list, well we do them in different keys and tempos, and that song you know the one where we make a medley from 8 other songs we do that with a reggae feel".
[/quote]

Had that too !

[ChickenKiev]

I've done a gig where we didn't get a sound check and were first on. Not surprisingly we sounded like sh*t.

I was too young and naive to say anything at the time but if that happened to me now I'd tell the venue to sod off.

[Norris]

In ye olde country pub: "There's a barn dance on at the other end of the village tonight, and lots of people are away for a big birthday party. I hope we get a few in..."

[Bilbo]

[quote name='ChickenKiev' timestamp='1384777422' post='2280509']
I've done a gig where we didn't get a sound check and were first on. [/quote]

I get about one soundcheck a year. Never did my any harm

[stingrayPete1977]

As someone who plays with a lefty drummer we normally get "we will see if we have time at the end for a quick soundcheck" never have yet but heres hoping!

[gapiro]

As of last week:

"its a charity gig, we have PA "
followed by our singer saying sure we'll do it
followed by me ringing up the organiser to find out what PA they
and being passed about eventually to the Pub Landlady's Daughter
Followed by "PA" turning out to be two battered speakers with a single input 2 output power amp.
Followed by us having to bring PA
and finding out they wanted to charge £5 on teh door to everyone _INCLUDING PERFORMERS_

[chris_b]

.... the M25's closed between J7 and J10.

[bobbytodd]

"oh we only have one double plug socket on stage" and the "could you do three 45 min sets tonight"

[MarkG3]

At The white horse in High Wycombe about 3-4 years ago we were offered to play for a 'Battle of the bands' where they said loads of bands were playing. Two bands showed up including us. We always took our own gear, amps and cabs. When we got to the venue they said this:

Sorry we can't plug anything in like the PA or the amps because there would be too much drain on the power and would blow all the lights in the strip club upstairs. Also sorry looks like the sound man who said he has a generator to solve this problem has got smashed and gone AWOL.

Then to top it off they then said 'Oh yea the other band doesn't have any equipment can they use all of yours? But we need to find the sound man first......'

Never went back there, just a joke

[deepbass5]

Kids Birthday party - whilst setting up, two young girls about nine enter the room
“Do you have a guitar in your band" reply -Yes
“I play the guitar" reply - That’s nice
“Do you know any Led Zeppelin" reply - yes
“My Dad plays guitar in Led Zeppelin"

You could hear a pin drop, and a few jaws - and yes she was

Next question back - is he coming tonight

Edited November 18, 2013 by deepbass5

[JamesBass]

I've done a battle of the bands before where we asked about how it'd be judged. The reply was "Well my boyfriends band are playing and his Dad has his own company so he's one of them, then we have his cousin who works for the local music shop and myself and my mum, plus everyone from the audience vote too." That from the promoter. We played and absolutely nailed our set bought more friends and family to the gig than anyone else and still managed to loose! That at the age of 14, I haven't done a BOTB since and hopefully never will!

[jakenewmanbass]

I once arrived at a massive corporate function in Glasgow, Menzies Campbell and some royal bod were there (amongst other so called 'dignitaries')
As we were sound checking, the event organiser, who was the person who'd found us on the internet, seen all our publicity material and actually made the booking herself came up to us and said in a long drawn out scots drawl....
"Is that awl yoooouuu doooo!?" ''that kaind of musac?"

We played for 10 mins and were taken off. As an added bonus, the flight home was struck by lightning! I swear I saw the skeleton of the bloke in the seat in front of me...!!!

Edited November 18, 2013 by jakenewmanbass