Things you don't want to hear before a gig....

[Twigman]

[quote name='deepbass5' timestamp='1384788784' post='2280709']


Next question back - is he coming tonight
[/quote]
Did he?

[Shobaleader One]

[quote name='Clarky' timestamp='1384774725' post='2280467']
"The soundman's not here yet so you probably won't have time for a soundcheck" (when arriving 2-3 hours before our allocated set time)
[/quote]
[quote name='Jonnyboy Rotten' timestamp='1384775135' post='2280473']
"The band before/after you haven't been able to bring their instruments. You don't mind if they use yours do you?"
[/quote]

These are my most common ones.

[geoffbyrne]

[quote name='jakenewmanbass' timestamp='1384789825' post='2280728']
I once arrived at a massive corporate function in Glasgow, Menzies Campbell and some royal bod were there (amongst other so called 'dignitaries')
As we were sound checking, the event organiser, who was the person who'd found us on the internet, seen all our publicity material and actually made the booking herself came up to us and said in a long drawn out scots drawl....
"Is that awl yoooouuu doooo!?" ''that kaind of musac?"

We played for 10 mins and were taken off. As an added bonus, the flight home was struck by lightning! I swear I saw the skeleton of the bloke in the seat in front of me...!!!
[/quote]


Aye. Welcome to Glasgow (Jimmy).



G.

[beely]

About four hours before a recent gig I received a text from our guitarist.
"Really sorry man, can't make it tonight"
We are auditioning a new guitarist tomorrow night, not entirely unconnected to aforementioned text.

[Happy Jack]

Lead guitarist, arriving (last) at a gig 50 miles from home and 10 minutes before we're due on stage:

"I've forgotten to bring my amp."

[Lozz196]

[quote name='Bilbo' timestamp='1384775001' post='2280472']
'We have a noise limiter'
[/quote]

That above all else is what I dread. Followed by the headlining band want to borrow your backline.

[deepbass5]

reply to Twigman.

No he didn't - she said he was stuck in London but my mums here.
But will add as soon as she said who he was, you could see the likeness

[Happy Jack]

I could play [i]Stairway To Heaven[/i] by the time I was nine?

[deepbass5]

The one I hate, you have just finished setting up, and a Disco turns up and you're told you have to share the stage.

The worst like this, not only did we have to breakdown the gear but then told the people were also dancing on the stage as well. So we set up one side facing the Disco the other. The punters were eating in the dark 6 foot below to our right. You guessed. It was a local council organise event in the town hall.

[gareth]

my worst recent gig was with a jazz outfit and whilst setting up the drummer had to add a mole wrench to his high-hat to get it to work, then when we started to play he proved himself to be the most useless drummer I have ever played with (amazingly he told us in the break that he gives drum lessons) - things got even worse when a member of the audience who had bought his own tambourine with him and got up and stood by me using his tambourine in a slightly out of time fashion - HELL ON EARTH - A DUFF DRUMMER TO THE RIGHT OF ME AND AN OUT OF TIME TAMBOREENIST TO THE RIGHT ----AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH - BEAM ME UP

Edited November 18, 2013 by gareth

[TheRev]

"No, there isn't any power to the stage, we assumed you'd bring a generator"

[Dingus]

"My diarrhea has been intermittent all day ..."

[wombatboter]

I can't stand the people who hired the band coming into the dressing room saying in a far too enthousiastic way : "All right, five minutes to go !...let's make it a night we will remember ! "(while padding you on the shoulder) or "they are still finishing their chocolate mousse so you'll have to start half an hour later... remember : don't play any loud songs in the beginning !"

[Protium]

"Got any beak lad?"

[Marvin]

"The dog's just been sick..."

[gjones]

[quote name='chris_b' timestamp='1384774402' post='2280460']
.... we've got a neighbour problem. Can you play quietly?

I usually dread this! But we had one of these gigs on Saturday and actually managed to keep the volume right down.

The drummer used rods.

It was a great gig. Our balance was much better than normal and I thought the playing was better.
[/quote]

I've been told by drummers that, although sticks are louder, It takes more energy to play with rods than sticks. The last time our drummer played with rods (to keep the volume down), he ended up dripping with sweat after the gig, even though he sounded a lot quieter than usual. That energy transferred to the whole bands performance and we played and sounded better than ever.

[EssentialTension]

'Do you need a private and personal toilet?'

[JTUK]

[quote name='gjones' timestamp='1384801450' post='2280925']
I've been told by drummers that, although sticks are louder, It takes more energy to play with rods than sticks. The last time our drummer played with rods (to keep the volume down), he ended up dripping with sweat after the gig, even though he sounded a lot quieter than usual. That energy transferred to the whole bands performance and we played and sounded better than ever.
[/quote]

Our current drum needs 3 shirts per gig for a 2 setter...

But I would dread it if the drummer...or anyone else said they hadn't played for a while

[Cat Burrito]

[quote name='chris_b' timestamp='1384780682' post='2280572']
.... the M25's closed between J7 and J10.
[/quote]

This and any variation around it!

[Johngh]

Not really before a gig, but after setting up.

"the local chip shops a !/4 mile walk away"

[DiMarco]

"Bass is gonna be run through our D.I. and floormonitors only"
"We don't need to do a soundcheck on the bassguitar"
"Here's your three coupons for drinks on this festival"
"Sorry I read nothing about food in your contract, must have missed something?"
"Stage mix will be done by one of our trainees"
"sh*t he brought his girlfriend"

[Gust0o]

[quote name='Dingus' timestamp='1384799232' post='2280877']
"My diarrhea has been intermittent all day ..."
[/quote]

This reminds me of our old singer. He used to get extremely nervous, which would, seemingly, tear his insides up. Horrifyingly so. To give a full description would be to induce a ban for myself.

Thus, the words I dreaded. Four pints in, wondering if my seal was breaking, when over he walks:

"There's only one toilet... And, boy, you do not want to go in there!"

Does affect your timing, needing to pee

[chriswareham]

"The sound man's hungover from last night, so no soundcheck. Oh, and someone stole all the DI boxes while he was wasted last night so your drum machine is going to sound sh*t." A certain venue in London named after a colourful sea reptile. The night got worse as the first band on deliberately overran, the headline band turned up after the doors opened - minus any back line - and my band had the plug pulled on us without warning as our slot was cut short to allow the headliners to play a full set, even though the largest part of the audience was our fans.

Edited November 19, 2013 by chriswareham

[Bassman68]

"You're on after the puppet show & the bingo needs to start at 10 o'clock sharp?"

[bartelby]

[quote name='Jonnyboy Rotten' timestamp='1384775135' post='2280473']
"The band before/after you haven't been able to bring their instruments. You don't mind if they use yours do you?"
[/quote]

Or what I've had:

Soundguy: your drummer emailed me yesterday and agreed it was ok if all the bands use you rig. Cheers.