Sleepless night - I`ve quit two of my bands!

[Lozz196]

Well after a fairly sleepless night I`ve quit two of my bands, The Daves, which I`ve been in since 2009, and The Tuesday Club which I`ve been in since 2011.

I`ve just come to the realisation that with both, there were more things that were getting on my nerves, or that I didn`t agree with, than positives, so rather than hang around with a face like a proverbial smacked ****, best I leave.

Not something I`ve taken lightly, been considering quitting The Daves for the last 3/4 months - but we had a big paying NYE gig and needed the dosh. But we`d deteriorated performance wise, and I could virtually hear people thinking "I remember The Daves when they were good". No matter how much practice time, this didn`t seem to change, so time for me to move on.

The Tuesday Club, well it seems the rest of the band are set on a path which I really am not in agreement with - not a case of right/wrong, just I seem to want different than the others, and with them all heading one way, I don`t want to sour my memories of the great times I`ve had with them - first TV appearance, 1st live radio performance, 1st vinyl album released and distributed by a major, 1st overseas gig. Better they get someone who wants the same as the rest. And luckily, as we had 2 bassists, my going shouldn`t disturb their path forwards too much.

I`ve still got another band, Knock Off, though in comparison to The Tuesday Club it`s nowhere near as time-consuming, so I`ll really have a lot of free time now (not really looking forward to that in truth). I`m sad about leaving both, but having given this considerable thought re both, I feel it`s best.

Sorry to ramble on so much, but I just felt the need.

[MiltyG565]

Don't take it too hard mate - You've made the right choice for you. I wouldn't expect somebody to continue in a band if they weren't happy. Sometimes you really do need to just be selfish and put yourself first, and I don't at all blame you.

As for free time - Life seems to have the habit of using up as much free time as possible. You'll find something to keep you occupied, I'm sure

[Highfox]

Well done on following through with your gut feeling.. it's hard to be honest and walk-away sometimes.(I'm there right now) It's hard when you feel all the work might of been wasted.
I'm sure in the long run the bands will appreciate your honesty.

Sounds like it will free up some of your time should the right project come along.

[yepmop]

Totally agree, you've made the right choice by getting off the bus(es), you can now wait for one that's going in your direction.

[gary mac]

It can be so tough, so I'm not surprised you've had a restless night Lozz.
You're not alone mate, I'm sure that most of us who have been in bands, have at some point been in the same position.

For me, once it stops being fun then it's time to move on.

[leschirons]

When you admit you'd been thinking about it for a while, it means it's really a done deal and there's no going back. It can get postponed but usually ends with the same result.

I think you've done the right thing. Best for you and best for your old bands.

It's not as if you don't have anything to do now so just enjoy the remaining band.

[Clarky]

sounds like a good shout to me, Lozz. I left my last band (even though the music was great) when politics, internal griping etc meant the fun had gone

[Oopsdabassist]

Blimey mate, take about big steps!, Gimme a bell if ya wanna meet up and chat.

[Grangur]

You're only here once. You can spend too many years of your life trying to make a bad situation into a good one, but unless the rest of the band see a problem nothing will change.

You did the right thing. Now you're free to make your next project happen. Go for it!

[karlfer]

Onwards and upwards Lozz. Cliche but nothing does last forever. Take the good memories with you whilst you still have then, then go create some new good memories with somebody else.
Enjoy fella.
Karl.

[BassBus]

I left the jazz band i've been involved with for 13 years just before christmas. Much the same reasons as you left the Tuesday Club Lozz. The day I made the decision I simply asked myself one question; "what's stopping me from telling them I'm leaving"? There was nothing that came to mind so the phone calls were made. No regrets on my part for all the reasons that have been stated.

[madshadows]

If it felt right to quit then it was, now you can concentrate on finding something that makes you happy when playing and performing, good luck

John

[discreet]

[quote name='gary mac' timestamp='1392015932' post='2363506']
...once it stops being fun then it's time to move on.
[/quote]

This. Best of luck with your next project.

[Annoying Twit]

I'll add my best wishes for the future.

BTW: Slightly OT, but are there any other threads where you discuss the dynamics of a band with two bass players?

[lojo]

You've obviously weighed it up, and made the right choice, but as with all relationships not everything sounded bad, so you will feel it for a while.

Good luck, and I'm sure in 6 months you'll be on a different road with no regret , and a good feeling of nostalgia when you think of them.

[KiOgon]

Right thing to do Lozz, it's soul destroying when the love & fun has gone out of it, definitely time to move onwards & upwards.

Have a break - come back fresh - you never know what's around the corner.

Best of luck,

John

[JTUK]

I'm surprised as you often mentioned these bands in threads...so the thinking was that they were something you were proud of.
But..................... with things such as passion and emotion, there is not much you should fake, so if it wasn't working, it wasn't working...on whatever level, so you
did the right thing.

Good luck.

[KevB]

We're all different but I don't think I could give what I'd feel was my best to three different projects, if the rewards were getting that low then definitley time to move on. Hope the remaining band goes from strength to strength.

[TimR]

Burnout?

Three bands is a struggle. I did two bands for a very long time. The problem I had was by comparing the two bands subconsciously I started to see problems with the first band, that probably weren't there.

Although since leaving the first band, and subsequently the second band folding, my latest band now has me wondering why I stayed in the first two for so long.

Anyway, it's all a learning curve and sometimes a dip, keep moving and playing with new musicians and you'll keep learning.

I'm a great believer in moving on when things become stale for you, particularly when performing music, because you can't fake it forever.

Edited February 10, 2014 by TimR

[chris_b]

Sorry to hear the news. It's always sad to hear about good bands gone/going bad.

One of mine is stagnating and another is going backwards, funnily enough both of them are losing their way due to keyboard players leaving.

Doors always open and close. Get networking, and good luck.

[timmo]

Perhaps you can look at quitting The Dave`s as a tribute to Trigger. Best of luck with your other band

[obbm]

Did the same back in September Lozz so I know how you feel, that nagging "have I done the right thing". I'm sure you won't regret it in the long term. Hopefully catch up with you at show.


[quote name='chris_b' timestamp='1392028742' post='2363669']
One of mine is stagnating and another is going backwards, funnily enough both of them are losing their way due to keyboard players leaving.
[/quote]

Sounds sort of familiar Chris. Wouldn't be the same chap by any chance?

[MiltyG565]

[quote name='TimR' timestamp='1392028005' post='2363656']
Burnout?

Three bands is a struggle.
[/quote]

I only thought about this recently, but at one point, I was doing my A levels, was in 2 bands, and had 2 jobs. I was tired, but only physically - I got in at the end of the day and slept, and got up in the morning and did it all again. The thing is, at the time, it never phased me, but I'm sure I probably thought at some point "I wish I could get a week off from it all", but only now do I see how lucky I was, and how full my life was, and I wish I had that now. Although, without meaning to sound disrespectful, I was 19 at the time.

But the biggest headache of all was probably the band, and the fact that I had to organise everything, our drummer was being rushed to A&E very regularly with epileptic fits, and our guitarist was largely uncontactable.

[RAY AGAINST THE MACHINE]

If you have no bands, you could end up like some of us playing with ourselves .
It's therapeutic ,as there are no tantrums to deal with. Sleepless nights do happen occasionally . Best of luck with what you do .

[Lozz196]

Thanks for the kind messages guys, much appreciated. I do still have the latest band although that was only ever meant to be a side project type of thing, as - back then - all of us were in other bands.

I agree, once the love has gone, it don`t come back. I think realisation set in over Xmas where we stopped for about a month. When it all started, I knew then that it had gone, but gave it a shot as think you always have to have that one last try. But nothing doing, so I`m sure I`ve made the right decision.

The Tuesday Club have been in touch to see why, and I do owe them an explanation, as I think only fair. The Daves, well only the singer (who is also the singer in the band I`m still in) has been in touch, and he says he knows exactly how I feel, and for him the band may as well stop now and call it a day.

Timmo - apparently Sat was National Dave Day, in honour of RLP/Trigger.